Holidays represent many different emotional meanings to every one. One thing that is a familiar bond that links us all together is how our emotions will increase during the holidays. Some in good emotions. Some in bad emotions. But none the less - our emotions can make or break our holidays and those we know.
I wrote this short story and share resources with others who may need comfort or support during these days of holiday and emotional conflict that can occur for far too many who suffer alone in silence during emotional holidays.
I share to give an awareness to a topic that comes to factual existence in final acts of despair. To prevent is to talk about the factual actions in life. To become aware is to gain knowledge about things not previously known. To save a life could simply be knowing and understanding the factual detrimental symptoms and options of actions and hoping that new knowledge of skills can help you to save yourself - one more time - or the life of someone you love too.
Holidays and Suicide should never be two words or news headlines that makes the media; but to deny this reality - is to deny one's self or another a chance to make it through another holiday.
May effective comfort tools be given to those on the holidays who feel alone, misunderstood or more burdened than they can bear. May our hearts and emotions unite us in our independent celebrations but may we also remember to give and share our lives with those who need us most too.
Personal displeasure grabs the wooden-handled-shiny-metal knife with a swiftness of the right sweaty hand of impulsive action that words could not stop this individual displeasure attempts to receive a final permanent solution.
Swiping with all force of life that a person could give - the flesh is severed on the left wrist veins. The visual of this perfect line could not have been more accurate. No matter how times this individual thought of doing it - there was no turning back and any desire to continue in this life had ended with this displeasurable present moment. There was no tomorrow nor was hope presentably available to believe in something beyond the tragedy felt within.
A conscious choice of action from an unconsciously aware soul that didn't have enough life left to save self again. The only resolution. The only solution. No desire to seek another option to end a conflict created by another anymore. The want-to-end this temporary problem with a permanent resolve was an irrational motion that gave a sense of peace. A serenity provoked by an unlogical emotional answer. A tangible choice of finalization was all that was desired.
For this pain was the last time, this familiar yet uncomfortable would come again. This person refused to cycle this same sting again. Exhaustion and heartache had rushed in for the final time.
For the love that was once perceived as real - was not a healthy shared love - nor had it been in retrospect. A personal fantasy would die in the grave to lay at rest beside them now. The lies would thrive on devouring - as it always did - without this person to participate in anymore.
It was personally fulfilling to end this pain now, versus continuing on in the self-admittance of being vulnerable to the afflictions produced by another. For the moral code of standards was never consciously established nor individually developed for this person of life's heartache upon them. Options were limited.
As the right arm plummets to the floor. The blood slowly oozes from the knife opened flesh. Gravity intervenes pulling the wet, reddish-brown warm liquid to soak into the cracks of the pine hard wood floors taking the conscious soul with it with each passing second.
As the individual draws the final breath gazing - one last time - upon the framed picture of delusional love - it was done. The pain was leaving. What happens now, was no longer the burden of grief to be shared nor cared about anymore for this person.
For their final action of this life was to end something of their major problem that no one else could do. Nor would this person give time - one more chance to intervene into these personal perceptions or individual interpretations of what was large or small of definition anymore.
No more giving chase to real or fake. No more time tested fantasy and illusions. No more venturing for facts and truth. No more partaking and devastation in lies and verbal manipulation anymore. The day ended with peace for one person who could obtain this - in no other way - for them self.
Sad to know that any one suffers so deeply into the corners of their emotions, mind, and heart that they do not desire to be thrown a life vest or life jacket anymore. Even if one was available to give them such a tool to save their life - no one can truly say - that this person of suffering on a life disabling mission - would choose to continue living anymore.
Suicide is painful, difficult and scary for those who are facing this alone. Suicide will also impact all those left behind. If we could ever mend and help others to realize their life will be worth living past the temporary problem they may presently face - perhaps, we would not only save one person - but we'd save our self from the impulsive actions that give sharing consequences in individuals choices that give us all an emotional effect of life or death dilemmas.
May those who seek to end their life in Suicide, please find it in core to seek and take a helping hand of another waiting and wanting to assist through life difficulties. Suicide does not have to become the only or final option.
To realize that they too are worth living life for. That there is no human life that exists who doesn't want a fast, quick fix to problems too. That awareness be given of how - when it comes down to it - Suicide - is a thought we all have considered.
The only difference between each person about their own Suicidal thoughts is the actions of these thoughts or emotions that is individually chosen to make.
May no life ever be permanently ended by a choice of hast. May no living grief be so extensive that one can not find focus of time and hope in their heart. May we also never lose focus on a belief that though we are all different - internally - we are all the same~
Suicide Hotline - call 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Hotline - http://www.crisistextline.org/textline/?gclid=CMOb47rsgLsCFQpgMgod0nYAkw
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