Letting the past go is the hardest change any of us will ever make. Why? Our friends, family, associates, classmates, and every one we ever came in contact with in our lives - will never allow us to forget our past; so how can we? Why should we?
The past is simply a memory of where we came from, what we did, and who we used to be. The past is not the present of where each of us live now. So why do we feel that we have to let the past dictate to us or others to influence us of who we are now versus who we were then?
We all are emotionally affected by our pasts. Whether it is good/bad emotions or good/bad memories - it does affect us of who we are today and what we do in our lives now. So why do we allow the past to control today and how we are influenced by others now?
Human beings want to be accepted by others. We are social creatures, even if, we don't admit it. We want approval from those we are closest too. It's complicated. But how much more do we complicate our self - by our thoughts and emotions - that are not the fault nor the blame of others?
Why do we choose to cling to the past memories and past experiences versus living in the moment now?
Why do we choose to feel grief or emotional stress of the things of our past that we could not control nor change?
Why do we live our life backwards - instead of forward?
For each - their answers will be different. Their problems are different. Their solutions will be different.
But until each person can admit every individual problem that affects them in the present to work on those issues today - nothing will ever change. The past still lives today to haunt us.
It does not have to be like this for no one. Parents makes mistakes. Accept it. It only means you must live your life to not repeat their mistakes.
Old friends hurt you or lied to you or you suffered broken friendships, relationships, or were bullied. It only means that you must try to live your life in new ways that you will not become the bully or the one that hurts or harms others.
Healing and recovery of the past takes work and effort. Personal and individual analysis of why the past bothers you. Personal and individual honesty of how others were the problem - but also - how you were the source of your own problem. Admitting the problem exists is the first step to solving the problem.
Genetics and the biochemistry in our bodies affects our thoughts, emotions, and our moods. We cannot change the DNA we come from. But we can learn how we were raised and how our past affects the biochemistry of who we are today.
Our emotions and thoughts affect how our bodies react internally. If we think we feel fear, our body produces fearful responses. By learning how to change our thoughts and emotions, we literally can change and control our biochemistry. Mind over matter does occur more deeply than science and medicine can see or touch.
But first, we must want too. We have to get tired of hanging onto a past that hurts us. We have to want to work through those past problems that still plaque us today. We have to learn new skills to deal with the old ways of the past that bother us so deeply.
Most never want to invest the time, money, and effort into helping self - as they try to give to others so freely. Why? It's human nature. To love and to be loved.
A child loves every one until told not too. A child trusts every one until told who not to trust. A child forgives every one and keeps right on loving them anyways. Many of us never have these memories - some do - of those carefree and wonderful days of awe, surprise, and shock that comes from living in a world that we never feared and viewing people as someone to know - instead of - someone to fear.
Events, experiences, and circumstances arise in our lives that change our views from the innocence and peace we once knew to the person we become today.
By going back into our past to seek the most valuable of these elements - as a child sees, feels, and hears and has naturally; we can realize the tools and skills we need to help our present lives now.W e will find in our problems these things we didn't have but needed then and need now. It is up to us to learn and make these happen. It's never too late. These things do not come from others - as much as we want to believe them too - they come from within and get produced within. We must do it solo - even if - we didn't cause it. We are responsible and accountable for the emptiness we feel inside or the fullness we think within.
We can find the courage to overcome our past by learning new ways to live now. We can live in a world where our past will never bother us again. How?
Because we will gain the emotional, logical, and rational skills we need to live. We don't have to survive on the broken processes and broken memories anymore. We do not have to survive anymore simply on the defenses and offenses we are accustomed to being. We seek to be more than we were in our past to enjoy our present to hope for the future.
Many people in this life simply go along to get along. Accepting whatever is in their past for who they are now. Blaming, excusing, or allowing ignorance to become who they are now and not what they are capable of being.
If our emotions and thoughts are with us through our entire lives to affect our choices and consequences we make - then who is really left to blame when our lives do not become what we want them to be?
Someone remembers you as a addict. Are you an addict now?
Someone remembers you as a cheater. Are you a cheater now?
Someone remembers you as a slut or ugly whore or whatever derogatory name they called you. Are you those things now?
Someone remembers you as a gambler. Are you a gambler now?
Someone remembers you as a criminal. But are you a criminal now?
When we remember people as we want for who they were - we deprive our self of knowing them for who they are now. We judge them - just as they judged us. We lose. They lose.
Stop doing this. Unless you are working on the problems of the past to solve them - then let them go. For the pain and chaos you keep yourself is only your body processes and no one else. Why chose pain if you don't have too? Why stay in pain when you have a choice to learn how to deal, cope, and get past the pain?
People only affect you now and the life you have now - if you keep letting them. No one makes you think of your past - but you. No one makes you cry of your past - but you. No one makes you grieve a past that will never be - but you. No one can hate your past - but you.
We want others to solve our problems for us and do the hard stuff. But the truth is - no one can solve the problems that bother you - but you. Some problems - especially medical conditions can complicate the problems we have and some problems will never be solved. This is the truth.
But there is a bright spot in every negative aspect of the truth. There are enough tools,resources, and new skills out there waiting for you to learn them obtain them so you can experience peace in a storm. So you can can make peace with a problem and stop stirring in it. For every problem that exists, there is a remedy that softens it. There is a cure that lessens the effects of the negative. There is always a positive. But no one can make you see a positive - but you.
Healing is a work in progress. Recovery is a work in progress. These things have no quick fixes nor simple and fast solutions. If they did - then every one would be running to try them and get them. Peace is a daily goal worth seeking and one that takes work to make it happen. Peace can only be taken by the consent we give another to take from us.
Letting the past go is easy to say but very hard to do. Unless you can make a commitment, dedication, loyalty, respect, honor, value of life, and courage to self to change your present by accepting and fixing the problems of your past - than you are the biggest hindrance in your way and no one else is.If you do not see this or believe this - then no one else can help you see this either. You are worthy to live and have peace too.
Start each day on a small problem of the past. Did others cause the problem? Did you cause the problem?
What ways did you solve the problem?
What new ways can you do to prevent the problem?
Look online for the tools and skills you need to help you by typing in the exact issue going on of why you can't let the past go.Read different things until you find something that works for you. Don't give up on you and finding what you need to help you.
Start small. Focus on one problem at a time to solve. Make peace with it. Move on to the next.
You have lived this many years piling up troubles of your own and from others - because you didn't know better. Now you are learning to know better. Work from there.
Many times, we focus so long on the past that we can't enjoy the present nor look forward to the future. All these million little problems escalate into trillion of problems. The process of problem solving becomes the same way. Do not expect to fix all the largest at once. Start on one problem at a time. It will take time to get to the rest of the problems. But time got you into these messes and time will be patient to help you out of them to fix them and solve them too - if you are willing to work for it and put forth the effort it takes.
The person I used to know is not who I am anymore. I am not the same person I was yesterday and I will not be the same person I am tomorrow. I choose to live like this as it means I never stop learning. I never give on solving my problems. Preventing new problems and having healthier ways to deal wtih them and cope wth them. I never give up on becoming who I want to be. I never give up on life throwing me experiences that I have no easy answers for or solutions. I value the surprises. I appreciate the peaceful journey I have now with focusing on the real issues that matter today and letting go of the things I cannot change nor could not control. I admit my mistakes. I work to correct my mistakes. I share the journey with others and forgive them when they remember me for who I used to be from who I am now. I have faith they'll come around one day to accepting me and if they do not - that's okay too. Their life is as it was; just as mine will be.
It should not be who you were anymore either. For the same love, patience, forgiveness, and kindness we give to children is the same qualities we should find peace, tolerance, compromise, and acceptance with self and others too. Many won't agree with these views. That's their opinion and choice to accept the consequences of their life - as I or you - will do for our own life too.
Sooner or later - everyone reaches a "breaking point" or "too exhausted to carry on" state of emotional living. It is when the thread gets thin that our eyes open to the possibilities beyond our realities. That the clouds clear so we can focus on the qualities of life that matter the most. These gifts are always there for the taking but it is when we stop being offended and defensive of getting in our own way that the rainbow of help can reach us too.
Be patient with you. Be forgiving to you. Be kind and compromising to you. No one can love you and respect your life more than you can. No one can make you appreciate the lives and individuality of others - but you. We share this world together. So let's do our individual part to make it better by focusing to correct our problems and not denying them anymore. We are all human and none of us are excluded from solving our own problems - no matter what they maybe. Good luck in letting your past go to work toward to enjoy and appreciating the present now. May you find your plan and hope for the future too.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
How Long Does Recovery Take?
The answer of how long does recovery take is not a simple nor exact answer. I wish I could say that it was. But the time it takes of recovery is a truth that can only be answered by each indivdiually differently. There is no quick fix nor is there a specific time frame.A person of recovery did not experience the problem overnight and in a day it will not be fixed either.
The only person who knows how long recovery will take for you - is you. How is that you ask?
Recovery is a personal acceptance that comes from individual awareness that a problem was experienced that we want solved or help in making the problem stop. A problem occurs that requires a solution. This is what recovery is.
How long did the problem exist?
What were the consequences of this problem?
Who contributed to this problem?
How did I hinder or progress the solution to this problem?
Whether recovery occurs because of trauma - events - substance abuse - addiction - medical conditions or whatever the issue maybe; recovery is knowing a problem exists and wanting to achieve a solution to stop the problem and prevent the problem from happening again.
The recovery process takes time depending on the factors of the problem. For instance, a gambler can stop gambling by not going to places that allow them to gamble and not accessing resources that allows them to gamble. This is easier said than done for a gambling addict. A gambler must not associate nor participate in the places with those they gambled with when first starting recovery. Medically there are reasons why some are more susceptible to addictions than others. These are answers a gambler must seek to know why they are addicted and to work through them. Not deny them. Will the urge ever completely go away that a gambler will not be tempted to gamble? Not always. But can a gambler stop doing the activities that produced their addiction? Yes.
The same is said of any individual in recovery. PTSD survivors or victims of trauma must not do the things they did that remind them of the abuse. Why? Because the people or places that remind them of the abuse can produce the same terrifying effects of reliving the traumatic moments. This is a biological effect of the human body, as well as, an inability to cope - rationalize emotionally, and produce healthy thought processes that will counteract human biology to decrease flashbacks, nightmares, and horrible intensities. PTSD is a forced and uncontrolled event. The body will react in biochemistry to produce life saving measures. When this process becomes altered with PTSD - the survivor must realize they did not chose this but they can learn new skills of how they react to it. It's a process of recovery just as grieving is a natural process when someone we love passes on. PTSD does not mean life will end. PTSD only means that the patient has work to do to progress past the problems that PTSD gave to them. To restore what was lost so that it maybe found.
Will these effects be temporary or will they be permanent? This depends on the individual depths a PTSD survivor and a victim endured of their problems. It depends on how willing they are to be honest with self and their dedication to their recovery. It depends on how much they want to get better and how much they are willing to work to achieve this with new skills to help them recover.
In our human body, we have many body systems that function to sustain our life. These body systems are unique to every individual person. But internally, most are primarily equal in biology by the emotions and thoughts we process that tell our bodies what to do.
If we think and feel unhealthy, our bodies react as such. If we think and feel healthy, our bodies will react to this as such. If we think and feel of fear, our bodies will secrete whatever is needed to get past this fear. We cannot always control the stimuli around us - but our thoughts and emotions of how we process life can make or break our mental and medical health in a sense. Because our thoughts and emotions react chemically by our conscience within.
When we experience fear or threat, our Autonomic System produces the chemicals we need to survive. This is an automatic response within to help us survive the danger or fears we feel inside. Even if these threats or fear are not real, our bodies respond as if it were through our emotions and thoughts.
Our heart rate will increase without our conscience awareness or control. Our pupils may dilate to allow more light in so that we can see to get away from the threat that harms us. Our liver will produce more glucose to give us energy to flee or run. Our digestive processes will slow down, so more energy can be given to the muscles and our bodies to where it is needed.
Without awareness of how our emotions and thoughts are affecting our bodies and our health; we could be contributing to our health or medical conditions because of how we think and what we feel on the inside. It is hard to ask a doctor to help internally when we cannot relate our secrets to them. But every person in recovery deserves to be honest about their inside thoughts and emotions to help their self; even if, you share this with no one. Therapy and recovery are a personal choice to get better.
But if we are not careful, we could be hindering our recovery. If we do not know the problem or deny the effects or are not seeking qualified information than we can be prolonging the process. We must accept personal responsibility and accountability even in recovery. Ignorance of the law does not grant pardon when breaking the law.
Recovery is a lifestyle change and commitment of dedication that one must not ever get weary of and to keep trying. We must learn how to stop using the old ways of thinking or feeling to help us in our recovery. These old thoughts and feelings can actually be hurting us worse than the initial problem that put us in recovery to begin with. How is this?
Consider this. When a baby is born, the baby cries when hungry. The child cannot tell you they are verbally hungry. They lack the skills to communicate because they have not learned them. Their body automatically does the talking for them through crying. The skill to cry allows them to communicate the automatic processes of their hunger pains they feel and how their body needs more energy to help the child develop and grow. ANS does the same processes of fight or flight response until we teach our body we do not have to live like that anymore by learning new ways to deal and cope with our emotions and our thoughts.
This does not mean that people of recovery are limited in life because of their recovery. It only means they require different skills, emotional learning, and healthier thought processing to achieve the goals they want to reach in life.
As human beings, we tend to speculate, assume, and cling to the methods we have used in our past to keep us alive and to survive through the present day. However, just as children develop and grow and learn to communicate effectively - so should we by the circumstances, mistakes, consequences and lessons we learn along the way.
Recovery is a complex set of problems that affects the mind, body, thoughts, and emotions. Depending on the problems that caused a person to seek recovery, each problem must be addressed individually and catered to the individual's symptoms and problems produced by the source of origin.
Many times, physicians and professionals seek to give a quick fix solution to the problem/problems of recovery.
Example: Here's a simple pill that will help you and the rest is something you will have to live and survive with. What more can patients do to help their self to improve their health? What more can those in recovery do to help their self too?
Our social and economical culture thrive off of instant gratification. We want solutions today for our problems that occur this instant. We want material possessions that we do not have to work for nor wait upon. Everything is mostly of an instant gratification lifestyle every where we look. Sadly, instant gratification mindsets occur with thoughts and feelings associated with recovery too.
We want those in recovery to be better right now. We want those struggling that endured trauma or suffer from PTSD to get better today. We want an alcoholic to quit drinking today or that smoker to stop it now. We want the gambler to stop. We are not comfortable with the problems of others when it conflicts with our instant gratification lifestyles. We do not want to understand nor assist those in recovery because their progress is not happening fast enough. We want to spend all of our money today so we can complain we have nothing in savings tomorrow.This is what instant gratification does.
Recovery is a delayed gratification process only. It is having the ability to be honest about the problems you endured that caused you to reach out for help to get better. Many times, emotions and thoughts are usually neglected in today's best efforts of support and professional help because emotions and thoughts are not considered health issues nor real medical issues - but they should be especially when the biology and biochemistry of the human being details the specifics of how thoughts and emotions can be detrimental to a person's health and their recovery.
A person who is not aware of how their thoughts and emotions affect their bodies or how their inability to control their emotions and thoughts can produce harmful consequences in their recovery efforts and can produce irreversible damage to their internal body organs and systems.
Most people want balance in their life. To have enough money for their needs with stress-free worries of finances. To have a job that balances time at their home life and professional life. To create a real sense of security, honesty, and truthful sense of balance. Most never have this nor can achieve this because the problems increase faster than most are able to solve them because they are not aware about instant gratification or they deny it exists.
Instant gratification is the process of wanting fast solutions with quick fixes now. Delayed gratification is using patience and having realistic goals of facts and evidence to solve problems effectively and permanently.
Gratification of individual thoughts and emotions will determine how a body, medical health, and overall lifestyle endures and overcome problems to survive and live.
For instance, child sexual abuse survivors of Incest suffered problems that were produced by forceful, fearful, and manipulating abuser/abusers. Their first sexual encounters were not of choice or at their control. This was not a normal sexual experience. They were violated emotionally, physically, mentality, and sexually violated beyond their ability to stop it or to control it. Each harmful abuse occurrence that came from verbal, physical, or sexual harm from their abuser also forced their bodies to respond biologically against the victim's control. The Autonomic System produced an increased state of stress so the victim could survive the attack of abuse. The duration of this type of abuse will determine the duration and type of recovery a survivor must endure to recover. Their brain and body reacted naturally because of this unnatural and forced event.
To stop this process of damage produced by this trauma requires learning new skills of coping, thinking, and emotional understanding. To gain back what the abuser took and to teach one's body how to self-soothe and self-mend.
Gambling takes away time and money from a survivor. A drug addict loses time, money, family, and a sense of trusting their instincts and acting upon them. In recovery, one must learn how to take back these essentials of life that these problems took from them. Grief is a reality of recovery for every individual that must not be denied when helping them.
If a child tells a lie to their parent about stealing $2.00 from their wallet - a parent will be angry, hurt, and emotionally upset at the child that stole money from them. They will seek to teach the child that it is wrong to take money from others and to find ways to prevent this from happening again. They will also try to teach their child new skills so the child will understand why it was wrong they took the money and how not to let those feelings or thoughts control them - so the child will not steal in the future. The child maybe disciplined to help them understand why it was wrong too.
With recovery, it is about learning new skills and healthier coping habits to stop the damages done by the problems of abuse.
A person of recovery is the only one who can truly say what they feel and the thoughts they have about their problems. Only they can analyze the source of the problem that hurt them. Only they can be honest how their emotions and thoughts affected their problem. Only they can work to understand their actions. Only they can accept accountability in their recovery. Only they can work and learn new skills to help prevent them from relapsing in recovery.
Instant gratification teaches us that problems exist and we can ignore them or deny them until the problems escalate so high that reality is all we all have left to face of the destruction that has happened.So if instant gratification is the problem for most in recovery - what is the solution? Delayed gratification.
Recovery is a delayed gratification process. It means to immediately stop the problem by admitting it exists. It means working toward awareness, learning, and maturing toward a larger goal of healing to focus on that of what will be gained instead of, what was lost. Instant gratification is a false sense of hope created by fast results that are not effective nor long-term.
By admitting our problems that exist within and working to find new ways to view old things; we can truly overcome anything.
DBT and CBT therapy are two methods used for different purposes of teaching self-help techniques to produce delayed gratification.
Most will only recommend use of these therapies if the symptoms fit in the instant gratification box of one size fits all solutions. We are not the same genetics with the same scenarios and experiences to work with. Recovery should never be the same remedies. One tool and skill may not help one person, but it can help another. Instant gratification produces a closed mind. Do not be limited in recovery by one opinion or one option that does not work. Research methods and try many to find one that works for you.
Recovery teaches us that each person is an individual, even if, the program remedies do not always work effectively. This valuable asset of recovery is a gift that starts the healing through individualism. Many times individuality is stolen or taken from a person who seeks recovery. The process of recovery helps those to find tools and new skills so they can develop their true self.
Individuality is what most do lack that seek recovery help. Why? Because the problems most endure of recovery are usually produced by others through force or common interests to gain instant gratification.
No matter who caused or helped in the process to create the problem - it is still the responsibility of each person to acknowledge their problems and work to solve them to prevent them from happening again.
Delayed gratification is the only way to view and succeed at recovery and to effectively solve any problem that one faces.
Yes - it will hard. Yes - others may never understand. Yes - others may get mad at you or offended by your progression in recovery because they miss the old person you used to be when you were their instant gratifying friend, family, or associate. That's their problem they have to solve. Not yours.
Your life is your problems to solve. Their life is their problems to solve.
Every one deserves to create memories they want to cherish. Every one deserves new memories to counteract the bad memories of mistakes or harm done to them. Every one deserves to start new in their life to overcome the mistakes or problems they have experienced so these problems won't happen again. Recovery is caring more about today and tomorrow than the past that has always happened and cannot be changed. The past can only be accepted and worked through to make today and tomorrow better.
Create a list of problems you thought about or felt in your life. Be honest.
Did these problems occur because of others?
Did these problems occur because of the choices you made and the consequences you created?
Were some of these problems beyond your control?
What have you done to stop the problem?
What have you done to create a solution?
Why do you want a problem/problems to stop?
If you could teach one person about your problems and how you solved it - what would it be? If you could teach one person what you learning in recovery - what would it be?
Recovery is a lifestyle change that affects what we do externally in our actions but also it changes our negative emotions and negative thoughts into positive ones. If recovery is not helping you to learn this, do not give up on your self and forgive them for not knowing or understanding the help you need. Keep seeking. You will find the tools and skills you need. Recovery is not on time limit - do not treat it as such either.
Consider the invention of a bicycle or automobile when feeling impatient. How many probably laughed at the notion of transportation that was possible with two wheels and four wheels? What did the inventors endure of rejections before they finally got acceptance? Their delayed gratification of never giving up to create what they wanted occurred because of their plans and dedication to that plan. They had already envisioned and focused on the end result even when met with denial. They overcame. We now have transportation because they focused on the bigger picture than the immediate present. We must do this also.
We can't change other people. We can only change self of how we deal with our problems, cope with our problems, and what we feel and think about problems.
Bodies in recovery endure excessive stress overloads that require stopping, understanding, and learning how to do new things in this life to counteract and stop the negative effects and stopping the things that keep hurting us. If others will not teach the elements needed to overcome the problems than it is left up to the individual in recovery - to do it for yourself.
You are worth it to find help for your problems. Many live in an instant gratification life afforded the experiences and opportunities that come from others who do their worrying,controlling, concealing or covering-up of their problems. Denial and enabling of problems is a bigger issue that our culture faces than any hardship recovery places on a person. Why? Because you are solving your problems. Other are not.
Work with what you have and be content with it. Do what you can. Learn what you can. Grow where you can. Appreciate the skills you have. Never be afraid to seek and learn new skills to help you. Be patient in your recovery.
Do not be offended when others ask you about your recovery. Be honest. You can share with them but be realistic that you can not make them understand. Be aware to know that the ones who do share with that understand; will be grateful and appreciate you for your efforts of recovery.
Appreciate delayed gratification through the math of life.
A child abuse victim spends an average of 18 years in hell until they are an adult. The next 60 years of their life is by the choices they decide and the consequences they create - no one else. Even if recovery takes half of their adult life to do; the investment to learn and mature past traumatic problems will be worth it to live and enjoy life beyond the abuse. Look at the big picture and focus on the years waiting to be lived. The past is only there to learn from and grow from and to never repeat its mistakes again.
A gambler wastes 10 years of life and $1 million on a high stake game never to be won. 10 years of life is gone. Incarceration of 5 years and $1 million restitution are the consequences of the crime committed. The gambler can't change the past. But a gambler can learn new lessons to rebuild a new and better future experience because of the hard lessons experienced so it will never happen again. Mistakes cost money but becomes even more expensive when denial is embraced more than reality of facts and evidence.
In 60 years of delayed gratification living - we can learn the value of relationships,time,money, and our health. We will create plans. We will work more to preventing and solving problems than creating them.
In 60 years of instant gratification living - we are taught the trail of destruction in marriages, partnerships, relationships, families, child neglect, and financial misfortunes. This focus only gives us what we want versus the priorities of what we need to a healthy and balanced life. This unhealthy focus of impulsiveness and immaturity does not increase our maturity and responsibility of our choices and the consequences we produce. Negative is all we have with instant gratification.
Instant gratification and delayed gratification are choices we make that begin with our thoughts and emotions and how we react in life. We don't have to settle for less of a life because we take a momentarily break for recovery. It is through recovery we admit our problems, face our problems, and conquer our problems to ensure our past mistakes or mistakes of others do not repeat and to protect and prevent others from enduring the same fate that can be prevented.
The only person who knows how long recovery will take for you - is you. How is that you ask?
Recovery is a personal acceptance that comes from individual awareness that a problem was experienced that we want solved or help in making the problem stop. A problem occurs that requires a solution. This is what recovery is.
How long did the problem exist?
What were the consequences of this problem?
Who contributed to this problem?
How did I hinder or progress the solution to this problem?
Whether recovery occurs because of trauma - events - substance abuse - addiction - medical conditions or whatever the issue maybe; recovery is knowing a problem exists and wanting to achieve a solution to stop the problem and prevent the problem from happening again.
The recovery process takes time depending on the factors of the problem. For instance, a gambler can stop gambling by not going to places that allow them to gamble and not accessing resources that allows them to gamble. This is easier said than done for a gambling addict. A gambler must not associate nor participate in the places with those they gambled with when first starting recovery. Medically there are reasons why some are more susceptible to addictions than others. These are answers a gambler must seek to know why they are addicted and to work through them. Not deny them. Will the urge ever completely go away that a gambler will not be tempted to gamble? Not always. But can a gambler stop doing the activities that produced their addiction? Yes.
The same is said of any individual in recovery. PTSD survivors or victims of trauma must not do the things they did that remind them of the abuse. Why? Because the people or places that remind them of the abuse can produce the same terrifying effects of reliving the traumatic moments. This is a biological effect of the human body, as well as, an inability to cope - rationalize emotionally, and produce healthy thought processes that will counteract human biology to decrease flashbacks, nightmares, and horrible intensities. PTSD is a forced and uncontrolled event. The body will react in biochemistry to produce life saving measures. When this process becomes altered with PTSD - the survivor must realize they did not chose this but they can learn new skills of how they react to it. It's a process of recovery just as grieving is a natural process when someone we love passes on. PTSD does not mean life will end. PTSD only means that the patient has work to do to progress past the problems that PTSD gave to them. To restore what was lost so that it maybe found.
Will these effects be temporary or will they be permanent? This depends on the individual depths a PTSD survivor and a victim endured of their problems. It depends on how willing they are to be honest with self and their dedication to their recovery. It depends on how much they want to get better and how much they are willing to work to achieve this with new skills to help them recover.
In our human body, we have many body systems that function to sustain our life. These body systems are unique to every individual person. But internally, most are primarily equal in biology by the emotions and thoughts we process that tell our bodies what to do.
If we think and feel unhealthy, our bodies react as such. If we think and feel healthy, our bodies will react to this as such. If we think and feel of fear, our bodies will secrete whatever is needed to get past this fear. We cannot always control the stimuli around us - but our thoughts and emotions of how we process life can make or break our mental and medical health in a sense. Because our thoughts and emotions react chemically by our conscience within.
When we experience fear or threat, our Autonomic System produces the chemicals we need to survive. This is an automatic response within to help us survive the danger or fears we feel inside. Even if these threats or fear are not real, our bodies respond as if it were through our emotions and thoughts.
Our heart rate will increase without our conscience awareness or control. Our pupils may dilate to allow more light in so that we can see to get away from the threat that harms us. Our liver will produce more glucose to give us energy to flee or run. Our digestive processes will slow down, so more energy can be given to the muscles and our bodies to where it is needed.
Without awareness of how our emotions and thoughts are affecting our bodies and our health; we could be contributing to our health or medical conditions because of how we think and what we feel on the inside. It is hard to ask a doctor to help internally when we cannot relate our secrets to them. But every person in recovery deserves to be honest about their inside thoughts and emotions to help their self; even if, you share this with no one. Therapy and recovery are a personal choice to get better.
But if we are not careful, we could be hindering our recovery. If we do not know the problem or deny the effects or are not seeking qualified information than we can be prolonging the process. We must accept personal responsibility and accountability even in recovery. Ignorance of the law does not grant pardon when breaking the law.
Recovery is a lifestyle change and commitment of dedication that one must not ever get weary of and to keep trying. We must learn how to stop using the old ways of thinking or feeling to help us in our recovery. These old thoughts and feelings can actually be hurting us worse than the initial problem that put us in recovery to begin with. How is this?
Consider this. When a baby is born, the baby cries when hungry. The child cannot tell you they are verbally hungry. They lack the skills to communicate because they have not learned them. Their body automatically does the talking for them through crying. The skill to cry allows them to communicate the automatic processes of their hunger pains they feel and how their body needs more energy to help the child develop and grow. ANS does the same processes of fight or flight response until we teach our body we do not have to live like that anymore by learning new ways to deal and cope with our emotions and our thoughts.
This does not mean that people of recovery are limited in life because of their recovery. It only means they require different skills, emotional learning, and healthier thought processing to achieve the goals they want to reach in life.
As human beings, we tend to speculate, assume, and cling to the methods we have used in our past to keep us alive and to survive through the present day. However, just as children develop and grow and learn to communicate effectively - so should we by the circumstances, mistakes, consequences and lessons we learn along the way.
Recovery is a complex set of problems that affects the mind, body, thoughts, and emotions. Depending on the problems that caused a person to seek recovery, each problem must be addressed individually and catered to the individual's symptoms and problems produced by the source of origin.
Many times, physicians and professionals seek to give a quick fix solution to the problem/problems of recovery.
Example: Here's a simple pill that will help you and the rest is something you will have to live and survive with. What more can patients do to help their self to improve their health? What more can those in recovery do to help their self too?
Our social and economical culture thrive off of instant gratification. We want solutions today for our problems that occur this instant. We want material possessions that we do not have to work for nor wait upon. Everything is mostly of an instant gratification lifestyle every where we look. Sadly, instant gratification mindsets occur with thoughts and feelings associated with recovery too.
We want those in recovery to be better right now. We want those struggling that endured trauma or suffer from PTSD to get better today. We want an alcoholic to quit drinking today or that smoker to stop it now. We want the gambler to stop. We are not comfortable with the problems of others when it conflicts with our instant gratification lifestyles. We do not want to understand nor assist those in recovery because their progress is not happening fast enough. We want to spend all of our money today so we can complain we have nothing in savings tomorrow.This is what instant gratification does.
Recovery is a delayed gratification process only. It is having the ability to be honest about the problems you endured that caused you to reach out for help to get better. Many times, emotions and thoughts are usually neglected in today's best efforts of support and professional help because emotions and thoughts are not considered health issues nor real medical issues - but they should be especially when the biology and biochemistry of the human being details the specifics of how thoughts and emotions can be detrimental to a person's health and their recovery.
A person who is not aware of how their thoughts and emotions affect their bodies or how their inability to control their emotions and thoughts can produce harmful consequences in their recovery efforts and can produce irreversible damage to their internal body organs and systems.
Most people want balance in their life. To have enough money for their needs with stress-free worries of finances. To have a job that balances time at their home life and professional life. To create a real sense of security, honesty, and truthful sense of balance. Most never have this nor can achieve this because the problems increase faster than most are able to solve them because they are not aware about instant gratification or they deny it exists.
Instant gratification is the process of wanting fast solutions with quick fixes now. Delayed gratification is using patience and having realistic goals of facts and evidence to solve problems effectively and permanently.
Gratification of individual thoughts and emotions will determine how a body, medical health, and overall lifestyle endures and overcome problems to survive and live.
For instance, child sexual abuse survivors of Incest suffered problems that were produced by forceful, fearful, and manipulating abuser/abusers. Their first sexual encounters were not of choice or at their control. This was not a normal sexual experience. They were violated emotionally, physically, mentality, and sexually violated beyond their ability to stop it or to control it. Each harmful abuse occurrence that came from verbal, physical, or sexual harm from their abuser also forced their bodies to respond biologically against the victim's control. The Autonomic System produced an increased state of stress so the victim could survive the attack of abuse. The duration of this type of abuse will determine the duration and type of recovery a survivor must endure to recover. Their brain and body reacted naturally because of this unnatural and forced event.
To stop this process of damage produced by this trauma requires learning new skills of coping, thinking, and emotional understanding. To gain back what the abuser took and to teach one's body how to self-soothe and self-mend.
Gambling takes away time and money from a survivor. A drug addict loses time, money, family, and a sense of trusting their instincts and acting upon them. In recovery, one must learn how to take back these essentials of life that these problems took from them. Grief is a reality of recovery for every individual that must not be denied when helping them.
If a child tells a lie to their parent about stealing $2.00 from their wallet - a parent will be angry, hurt, and emotionally upset at the child that stole money from them. They will seek to teach the child that it is wrong to take money from others and to find ways to prevent this from happening again. They will also try to teach their child new skills so the child will understand why it was wrong they took the money and how not to let those feelings or thoughts control them - so the child will not steal in the future. The child maybe disciplined to help them understand why it was wrong too.
With recovery, it is about learning new skills and healthier coping habits to stop the damages done by the problems of abuse.
A person of recovery is the only one who can truly say what they feel and the thoughts they have about their problems. Only they can analyze the source of the problem that hurt them. Only they can be honest how their emotions and thoughts affected their problem. Only they can work to understand their actions. Only they can accept accountability in their recovery. Only they can work and learn new skills to help prevent them from relapsing in recovery.
Instant gratification teaches us that problems exist and we can ignore them or deny them until the problems escalate so high that reality is all we all have left to face of the destruction that has happened.So if instant gratification is the problem for most in recovery - what is the solution? Delayed gratification.
Recovery is a delayed gratification process. It means to immediately stop the problem by admitting it exists. It means working toward awareness, learning, and maturing toward a larger goal of healing to focus on that of what will be gained instead of, what was lost. Instant gratification is a false sense of hope created by fast results that are not effective nor long-term.
By admitting our problems that exist within and working to find new ways to view old things; we can truly overcome anything.
DBT and CBT therapy are two methods used for different purposes of teaching self-help techniques to produce delayed gratification.
Most will only recommend use of these therapies if the symptoms fit in the instant gratification box of one size fits all solutions. We are not the same genetics with the same scenarios and experiences to work with. Recovery should never be the same remedies. One tool and skill may not help one person, but it can help another. Instant gratification produces a closed mind. Do not be limited in recovery by one opinion or one option that does not work. Research methods and try many to find one that works for you.
Recovery teaches us that each person is an individual, even if, the program remedies do not always work effectively. This valuable asset of recovery is a gift that starts the healing through individualism. Many times individuality is stolen or taken from a person who seeks recovery. The process of recovery helps those to find tools and new skills so they can develop their true self.
Individuality is what most do lack that seek recovery help. Why? Because the problems most endure of recovery are usually produced by others through force or common interests to gain instant gratification.
No matter who caused or helped in the process to create the problem - it is still the responsibility of each person to acknowledge their problems and work to solve them to prevent them from happening again.
Delayed gratification is the only way to view and succeed at recovery and to effectively solve any problem that one faces.
Yes - it will hard. Yes - others may never understand. Yes - others may get mad at you or offended by your progression in recovery because they miss the old person you used to be when you were their instant gratifying friend, family, or associate. That's their problem they have to solve. Not yours.
Your life is your problems to solve. Their life is their problems to solve.
Every one deserves to create memories they want to cherish. Every one deserves new memories to counteract the bad memories of mistakes or harm done to them. Every one deserves to start new in their life to overcome the mistakes or problems they have experienced so these problems won't happen again. Recovery is caring more about today and tomorrow than the past that has always happened and cannot be changed. The past can only be accepted and worked through to make today and tomorrow better.
Create a list of problems you thought about or felt in your life. Be honest.
Did these problems occur because of others?
Did these problems occur because of the choices you made and the consequences you created?
Were some of these problems beyond your control?
What have you done to stop the problem?
What have you done to create a solution?
Why do you want a problem/problems to stop?
If you could teach one person about your problems and how you solved it - what would it be? If you could teach one person what you learning in recovery - what would it be?
Recovery is a lifestyle change that affects what we do externally in our actions but also it changes our negative emotions and negative thoughts into positive ones. If recovery is not helping you to learn this, do not give up on your self and forgive them for not knowing or understanding the help you need. Keep seeking. You will find the tools and skills you need. Recovery is not on time limit - do not treat it as such either.
Consider the invention of a bicycle or automobile when feeling impatient. How many probably laughed at the notion of transportation that was possible with two wheels and four wheels? What did the inventors endure of rejections before they finally got acceptance? Their delayed gratification of never giving up to create what they wanted occurred because of their plans and dedication to that plan. They had already envisioned and focused on the end result even when met with denial. They overcame. We now have transportation because they focused on the bigger picture than the immediate present. We must do this also.
We can't change other people. We can only change self of how we deal with our problems, cope with our problems, and what we feel and think about problems.
Bodies in recovery endure excessive stress overloads that require stopping, understanding, and learning how to do new things in this life to counteract and stop the negative effects and stopping the things that keep hurting us. If others will not teach the elements needed to overcome the problems than it is left up to the individual in recovery - to do it for yourself.
You are worth it to find help for your problems. Many live in an instant gratification life afforded the experiences and opportunities that come from others who do their worrying,controlling, concealing or covering-up of their problems. Denial and enabling of problems is a bigger issue that our culture faces than any hardship recovery places on a person. Why? Because you are solving your problems. Other are not.
Work with what you have and be content with it. Do what you can. Learn what you can. Grow where you can. Appreciate the skills you have. Never be afraid to seek and learn new skills to help you. Be patient in your recovery.
Do not be offended when others ask you about your recovery. Be honest. You can share with them but be realistic that you can not make them understand. Be aware to know that the ones who do share with that understand; will be grateful and appreciate you for your efforts of recovery.
Appreciate delayed gratification through the math of life.
A child abuse victim spends an average of 18 years in hell until they are an adult. The next 60 years of their life is by the choices they decide and the consequences they create - no one else. Even if recovery takes half of their adult life to do; the investment to learn and mature past traumatic problems will be worth it to live and enjoy life beyond the abuse. Look at the big picture and focus on the years waiting to be lived. The past is only there to learn from and grow from and to never repeat its mistakes again.
A gambler wastes 10 years of life and $1 million on a high stake game never to be won. 10 years of life is gone. Incarceration of 5 years and $1 million restitution are the consequences of the crime committed. The gambler can't change the past. But a gambler can learn new lessons to rebuild a new and better future experience because of the hard lessons experienced so it will never happen again. Mistakes cost money but becomes even more expensive when denial is embraced more than reality of facts and evidence.
In 60 years of delayed gratification living - we can learn the value of relationships,time,money, and our health. We will create plans. We will work more to preventing and solving problems than creating them.
In 60 years of instant gratification living - we are taught the trail of destruction in marriages, partnerships, relationships, families, child neglect, and financial misfortunes. This focus only gives us what we want versus the priorities of what we need to a healthy and balanced life. This unhealthy focus of impulsiveness and immaturity does not increase our maturity and responsibility of our choices and the consequences we produce. Negative is all we have with instant gratification.
Instant gratification and delayed gratification are choices we make that begin with our thoughts and emotions and how we react in life. We don't have to settle for less of a life because we take a momentarily break for recovery. It is through recovery we admit our problems, face our problems, and conquer our problems to ensure our past mistakes or mistakes of others do not repeat and to protect and prevent others from enduring the same fate that can be prevented.
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