Introductions

Introductions can be the hardest challenge that any person will ever endure in life. Whether it be a face-to-face meeting or new acquaintance, boss or even some one you met you online but have never met in person but are getting ready too.

A Person I Used to Know never feared introductions from meeting new people. The opportunity to meet new people was always a welcome one into her life. I do not know if was because they were that bold or had the tenacity to call every one a potential friend. But I guess she really figured that until she was proven wrong she had nothing to lose anyways and maybe some one else to gain in her life instead. She never feared any one she met nor would she disregard any one based upon the opinions of others either. For she always figured that she had been hurt the most in her life by those closest to her whom swore they loved her and never hurt her but they did on traumatic levels. With the fear of surviving her trauma she figured strangers would surely be nicer to her than what she had already survived anyways. She did not have anything else to lose in any giving any person a fair chance.

This person was me and still is to this day. I smile when I meet strangers in public. I can strike up a conversation with anyone.

I am the vehicle that stops at a red light and allows those in a parking lot trying to get out to get into the center turning lane because they are going opposite their line of travel. While those behind me look at me with a mean face in my rear view mirror like one vehicle and a stop light would go any faster anyways.

If I am in a store and have a buggy full or dozen so of items; I'll let the person behind me go in front of me that has fewer items than I do.

You would think that people have forgotten how to be humane to one another. My opinion from my experience honestly is that most never learned how too nor matured up to produce the humanity they want the world to be.

Even if I can only do one act of kindness with a smiling face of an action to ease some one's day when I am out and about; I do it. It is not an option to me.

Time is not that much in hurry for me and even when it was; I'd rather arrive late and be alive safely on arrival than to hurry and die or kill some one innocent who is trying to get through their day as I am.

I feel it is time now for all my readers to officially be introduced to me. For many reasons, I kept this blog anonymous. Mostly for my own piece of mind because words can not be really held accountable to you if they are given in secrecy, right? Wrong.

For everything we post, send, and electronically share online whether it by blog, text, email, social networking or anything we browse online we have one thing that follows us that tells dozens where we are. Yes, you are tracked and traced online even when you delete your cookies. If they need to find you, they will. Whether it be for honest finding or a criminal's attempt to steal identity; you are traceable as I am.

All electronic devices have an IP address or similar code stamped to where it came from. That IP address on even mobile devices can locate to where you printed or sent something from. I would say every content go through a dozen eyes at least to reach its destination and maybe even more them that depending on what you send and share online.

Most businesses and social sites and even blogs, do everything they can to cater to all clients account settings by their wishes and account management, but even then; it is not fool proof.

So with this said; just be careful. The biggest way I can introduce myself to you is in a YouTube video.

Besides my hobbies of learning, writing, sewing,sharing and making fun with my time with these hobbies I enjoy; I also play an acoustic guitar. This guitar and I have been progressing for a few years now. We still have a long way to go to ever achieving that goal I want of making tolerable sound with musical perfection.

I am not talking profits of any kind. Merely matching my vocals to the pitch of the chords and notes I am playing and being able to play music in time.

In having Bipolar, I disregarded it for many years. I accepted only what I wanted to hear of these symptoms and nothing that catered to self-management, self-learning, self-help and even constructive medical advice for a long time.

I finally gave in a few years ago to learning about Bipolar. To really dissecting the symptoms that applied to my medical condition and how severe my hypo mania was at times that created such horrible sleep deprivation in my life and made me a workaholic and a manic in many ways. Over extending myself where I should not have been and not taking care of myself like I could have.

I found that my symptoms had immature overtones to them. Impulsiveness - Fast speech ( like a little kid who was dying to be heard) - Racing thoughts of all kinds of ideas that I would never be able to materialize and an extreme obsession to people and things. There are many more but I think you catch the drift of it.

But with DBT therapy, I have learned to control my internal and slow a long way down. This has even impacted my guitar playing and learning because I do not always sound like a hamster on a wheel anymore.

Though still not perfect, it has helped my Bipolar too. It has helped me to slow down in my singing. To feel the annunciations of words in my throat long before they come out of my mouth. Muscle memory is what singers who do it for profit would call it.

But for me, it is becoming one with something that it is teaching me something about myself more than any other creative instrument I have ever used could teach me to gain from it including helping me with my medical conditions.

I will continue to blog as time and health allows. But I felt it was time to share the introductions of myself.

For I have shared many deep, crazy and sometimes, even insane notions in my blog but that is what makes blogging so much fun. To have a written release that feels good when exercising the fingers on the keyboard as well as a personal mind massage. I have an outlet to share my experiences that could potentially be used to help another enduring difficulties in their life too.

Believe you me, there have been thousands through the years of many different topics, formats, books, and media content that I have shared personally and professionally.

I share my YouTube channel with you of one of my favorite country classic songs. I have many. But there was always something about this song, Help Me Hold On, by Travis Tritt that I always felt needed a woman's perspective.

For we females are a stronger, devoted, loyal, and stuck on glue kind of species to our goals, families, friends, and offspring more than the male gender could ever really know. But even we, as super females, do get tired, weak, and need something or some one to help us to hold on too.

I was barely a prepubescent when this song came out. But even as a pre-teen enduring the trauma of my life back then; I knew that to be a female adult and responsible mother and good human being that I would have to some how find that something I would need always to do that.

This song always got me through and still does. For sometimes, actually many times, solo is all a person has to depend on to keep picking one's self up. Others will try but no one can have the strength to give you what you need but you to make life as you wish.

The facts of introductions are as follows:

- The act or process of introducing or the state of being introduced.

- A means, such as a personal letter, of presenting one person to another.

-  Something recently introduced; an innovation

 

- Something spoken, written, or otherwise presented in beginning or introducing something, especially:

a. A preface, as to a book.

b. Music A short preliminary passage in a larger movement or work.

 

From now on when you fear introductions or have butterflies in your stomach, do not. The person you feel apprehension toward probably has the same feelings meeting you as you do them. Some really do just hide it better.

So if you would like to know me - Cynthia Cox, the West Virginia blogger, writer, seamstress, guitar player, music learner, karaoke addict, poet, advocate, public speaker and a lady who has more medical issues in her one life than most will experience in their entire family then I recommend my personal YouTube channel and my song that always works for me: Help Me Hold On; acoustic cover at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahRtMjyHk6w&list=UUeGZcllUynxwIVdoSI13v0A&feature=share&index=6

Thank you for making time to let me introduce myself. May you write an email one day to share your introduction with me also :) May you never be afraid to say hello to a stranger again and the butterflies never make you sick at your stomach from meeting some one new, ever again too!

Liberating Blunt

What is liberating blunt? Is it the legalization of marijuana? Is it the freeing of emotions, finances, or lifestyle? Could it really only be in having the bluntness to be bold to tell someone the truth of how you feel even if it may hurt them or their response hurts you? How can pain be liberating and good for you or any one else?

Liberating Blunt is a statement I thought of for today’s blog content. In my experiences through the years, individuals I have known have dodged the truth or would not even talk about telling the truth to some one they know or knew to keep from hurting them.

When in reality, it was by not telling the truth or talking about the difficult topics that created and prolonged the hurt even worse than being blunt to create liberation from pain and not enabling pain in silence.

Legalizing marijuana to liberate the blunt is not what this topic is about.

So to Mary Jane toasters I do apologize but this content of topic goes a little deeper than the sweet inhale of something so relaxing yet quite illegal in most 50 states of America. So if you choose to tote, do it within misdemeanor limits and get involved in your state to make legalization happen.

Now for the rest of you that stick around of learning how to give liberating blunt in your life; let’s look at few of the literal facts from a dictionary about the words: liberate and blunt.

Liberate – set (someone) free from a situation esp. imprisonment or slavery, in which liberty is severely restricted.

Free, release, let out, let go, set/let loose, save, rescue

Blunt – uncompromisingly forthright.

Straight forward, frank, plain-spoken, candid, direct, forthright, unequivocal

Both of these words can be used as actions together. To be blunt with someone you must consider what will happen if you tell them the truth. Could it be a liberating experience for them? Could it possibly help them? Could it benefit you and them? Could it be a positive sharing experience for both of you if you share the truth or blunt thing you need to tell them?

Once you weigh out on paper or in your mind of the positive and negative that could come from the blunting truth you wish to tell or what is asked of you – then decide to move forward with the liberating action you need too.

But only after you have made an educated choice to tell or not to tell the blunt of what you feel or what has been asked to tell.

Blunt and being truthful always takes more courage to do than simply lying or dodging the facts. Respect can never be given nor received completely when all facts are not shared in any situation that occurs in life.

When you have one person in a two person relationship whether they are family or friend, blunt and truth is all you have when it comes down to the value you give and receive in any relationship. Without respect to be blunt and truthful, it’s just a game and has no real value to either involved.  

If you can not be honest and blunt, especially when asked a specific question; then liberation to grow and increase the value of the relationship will never happen.

Respect is the most valuable asset that we could give and extend to each other in any human contact. Even if we disagree, respect can still be achieved by being honest.

Be honest about a person if you do not like them and why to them personally.

Be honest with a person why you have changed or you feel they have changed that affects your relationship with them. Be honest to yourself of what you value in your daily life and why you enjoy the company of another.

Being blunt will always be more liberating to every individual and the company they keep then dodging the hard stuff.

If history of evolution had been built by individuals who dodged the truth and failed to share their truths they witnessed with slavery, racial matters, gender issues, and human hostage, and abuses of these natures of all kind; we would have never received and achieved the freedom of liberation we do have today especially here in America. We still have a long way to go mind you; but it could always be worse without the contributions of the blunt speakers who stood up to create liberation that could have never came any other way than their ability to just be blunt.

For the pain of their words to the few it caused discord with produced a greater benefit to society by their liberating efforts to be bold and blunt. Had they never achieved this; you would not be reading my own freedom of speech either.

It is almost ironic that the truth that you try to reserve and hide will eventually come out in the end anyways. Especially, if this truth is about those who are the closest to us or those we feel like we know the best.

A confirmation or an affirmation is what we seek by being blunt, so we can keep the respect we have with someone by asking them what we feel to be true in our heart.

We fear more not knowing the answers we seek in them than to asking what we need to know. It is still better to ask than to keep going in life with them as a lie or an emotional anchor we reserve about them. If only we would ask then we may get the liberating release of pain we self-assume within. The pain stops not grows.

Human conflicts and unresolved issues occur every day. As we age or mature, we build walls or shelter around our self depending on what we have been through. Any survivor or victim of life is notorious for doing this.

If you have experienced the detrimental unpleasant or criminal violations then this maybe the only way to protect yourself from further emotional, psychological or sexual harm.  

But a Person I Used to Know was very good at doing this to protect her self. It may have been a wall built from a survivor or to prevent hurt or permanent goodbyes. But people became as a fishing line game to her.

This person did this to many others. A very unhealthy approach to others and self because of the lack of mature entities this person did lack in their life by examples and through harsh experiences. It was easy to reel people in for her own benefit and cast them back out when purpose was served than being loyal to her self or anyone. She felt it would decrease her pain or from getting hurt when she began to realize that this was disrespectful to them and her self too.

She would pull people closer to her when she needed someone. Then she would invent a positive and negative list that would cast them off at a distance again. It was easier to focus on their negatives that to embrace their positives. She could always take an angel and turn them into a devil.

She would do this vicious imbalanced game of reeling them in and casting them far from her because she did not need anyone to see or feel her despair and unresolved issues or conflicts in her life.

For she could handle being strong and fronting as fun but if she ever let them in close enough to see her weaknesses then couldn’t handle that they may disregard her permanently first.

So she would reel and cast at her choice. Force her self to see their negatives versus their positive and cast them off before they could her. It was her defense mechanism that was not fair to her or to those who really did care about her and those she really cared about too.

This person was me. I fight every day not to be like that anymore. This behavior is not balanced. This view was not mature and it is not respectful to myself nor to any one else in my life.

It is so easy to get caught up in the fairy tales we make about people in our minds and emotions about them. For we cast off more people like this than we respectfully give them a chance to be active in the here and now of our lives. No one deserves our inattentiveness to focus on the daily and to keep pushing them away; especially if they done nothing wrong.

But many do focus more on the illusions of what-will-never-be or what-might-have-been. We only fail ourselves to enjoy our lives in the right-here and right-now in the moment and those who do share our company with us here in the moment.

Life is complicated and complex. People are stresses but deserve to be treated as a human being just as we do. They will only become a thorn or a rose by how we perceive them from what we first peer at them from within.

I do not want any one to be a thorn in my life. I commit every day to try to never be a thorn in some one’s life either. For life is too short to play in the weeds of others who we know elude the blunt or truthful.

For if there is no respect to give truth equally then these people are no good for us and we are not good for them. No one should play in the thorns unless you like getting pricked and giving pricks instead of being real. But some people do thrive on the weeds more than naught.

Unless you can find a tolerable and respectful blunt liberation with another who agrees with you to discard the thorns you maybe in each other’s side; then you can never smell the roses together again. It just won’t work.

Sometimes, the best solution is to walk away. To appreciate the garden of roses you once grew together and admired of the same focus is the only way to go. Try and not be grief filled to bid sweet sorrow to the experiences gone. Because it happened and you were lucky to share it but as you learn to move forward realize the value you gained from it.

To cherish the roses that have grown when life was good and to walk away from them when the thorns take over is still better to do than to keep playing and creating more thorns that overshadow the roses anyways.

Life with people will never be a perfect science or a perfect art that mimic lives. Emotions, feelings, psychological changes and hormone changes all will play a key factor in every life out there. For all will keep changing, evolving and it does take a mature forward progression to stop the deep regression of backward living.

Be maturely smart and brave enough to always be blunt.

For even if others do not get your need to ask or respect your bluntness in return; it will not matter. For you owe life to yourself to keep growing your own roses just as they are in control over their own thorns or roses. Not every one wants a rose garden and not every one appreciates one when it comes along.

Even in the immature and mature ways of my life that have taught me many valuable experiences; I know when to keep trying to walk closer and when to walk away from someone. I always have.

But for every one person that criminally gives me a reason to walk; there are many more who do walk in my life who treat me as I should be treated and I maturely learn to extend the same respectful courtesy to them.

Now I am able to realize the errors of my own ways and appreciate the here and now of what is in front of me.

The past is only made up of two things. The shadows that we can never escape but can only learn to grow into light to produce the beautiful roses we want them to be. The future will be created by these same shadows or beautiful roses that we cater to grow in the here and now of the present. Never waste so much time on a shadow that you fail to see the potential of beautiful roses in your self and those around you.

Respect is all we have in our self to find. Respect is all we have to extend in courtesy to another. To deny respect is to produce only thorns and shadows and every one deserves more than that.

How to Become a Core Character

A Person I Used to Know learned early on in life as a child that you had to become a character to please those in reality just so you could be accepted by anyone. The circumstances of her life would only give her acceptance and love from others  if she played their character role of game playing. She could only be as they wanted or needed to be accepted. She could only be accepted by them if she was what they believed her to be.

So she became the t submissive person of silence. She became only as a bold person to accomplish her goals that she wanted for herself to escape this vicious character role playing games they did. She became a verbal whisperer to not disturb the thoughts of those who witnessed her actions or cause them discourse as they produced in her. She would be exactly as they thought and verbally stated her to be. She would be their character shaped as they designed and taught her to be of how a a daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and friend should be to keep their schemes and lifestyles alive.

But at the core of her self, with all these characters she was forced to play as a child – it demented her own identity for a very long time. For as she grew and matured into a woman fueled by her own estrogen she wanted to find her own individual voice, her own fashion style, her own presence in the world that she deserved to live too. She found herself more and more alone from others. For her character roles as a child to be as they wanted deprived her to find herself. To fail in trusting others. To fail in opening up her core character of who she felt like she should and could be. As time went on this game court of character role playing; she found her self confused.

One day, she would be on the opposing team. The next day, she would be on the defense to back up those who hurt her the most. This internal character assignation of hell that she was doing to her self was not benefiting her nor anyone else in her life that knew her personally. A Miss Jekyll and Miss Hyde she was becoming.

This person used to me. It took me a very long time to stand upon who I wanted to be as the core character I wanted to be in life. To define the cast offs I had to do from my life that was poisoning by others correction of my character flaws that traveled off their paths for me. To stand up and find my own two feet moving forward in the direction of the core of my character of who I wanted and needed to be for myself.

The core of character is something that is within each of us. This core is who we feel and cling the closest to in our self. The smiles that make life joyful to us. The laughter that gives our lungs new air to breath on stale air that every day routines can produce. The enlightenment we feel in common company of those who share our same core character traits. This is the real person we should be and need to pursue to be.

It takes one almost half their life; if they are lucky to find this awakening. For many others, they do not find their core character until they have advanced in age and feel no hope to gain what they let their self down. There is no room for regrets in the time we have to spend to live our lives. For each second that ticks, that is one moment closer to death. We should never take time for granted nor how we choose to spend it.

Especially when it comes to our core character of who we are when no one is around except the silence of our thoughts to entertain our self.

I have spent a lot of my life in catering to be the character that another needed, wanted and to be accepted to belong in this world. Just to have people in my life who I knew that I could ask help from without any hidden motives or painful repercussions because of their place in my life.

For me to choose to live, I had to leave behind a family that left me feeling as an orphan to find and grow my core character of self. Because I could never be their character and mine own too.

Life is not like a fairy tale that leaves many with happy endings. For most, it is the exact opposite. Realities spent in time obligations, people obligations, responsibilities, and maturity spent on the daily that there is hardly any fun, entertainment or character youthfulness to be enjoyed in self. It’s sad.

For we become the fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and friends we need to be to all of these people but at the end of those seconds on the time lines of our lives; we realize that the only character we never sacrificed enough for was our self. Only real maturity can give balance to sacrifices to others and creating or making that time for one’s own self joys too. If we spend our seconds doing and pleasing for others constantly, our minds suffer. Our bodies suffer. Our health deteriorates. Our sex dries up too. Our dreams never materialize because they were replaced with reality for others.

The core character of who we are is what makes our thoughts dance and become entertained in a song or a movie or a book that we can not put down. The good stuff that we feel when we are totally alone that forces us to smile, laugh, cry happy tears and to feel and appreciate the respect we have for our individual to want to live and make it freaking happen! That core character is in each of us. We can not find it nor ever really mature to grow it if we spend too much time on the catering of others and forcing ourselves to belong to them.

We can not belong or be accepted by anyone when we deprive the oxygen from our souls that help stabilize, mentor and grow our own core character. It is so much easier to read, watch, or listen to the fantasies of another or become envy filled at the life of greener grass on the other side of the fence than it is to hold focus on to our self to become that character we need to be for our self.

Yes, life is wonderful when finding the company of others that make a house feel like a home or a family feel like friends or people are a pleasure more than a problem. But at the same time, if you erased the world you know away from you – Would you still be happy? Could you produce your own contentment? Would you be familiar and comfortable with the only reflection you see in your self?

I know this is very deep. But with out having depth perception in one’s self as much as you extend to others emotional, medical, financial or life needs; you are as hypocritical as the rest of them. 

For without touching your own heart beat and knowing what makes it pumps blood every day; then you will never be able to increase or decrease the blood flow of life to give to the heart of another. 

So think about core character of self. Ponder all I have written and shared. For to know your heart to know is your beginning story of the core character of who you are. 

Touch it. Embrace it. Love it. Feel it. Produce its desires. Give it the needs it wants. Then go out and proclaim the character core you found yourself to be. 

If you do not, you will only become the role or character that someone else wants you to be. Why settle for being their character or role playing for others when you can stand up and show them how to be real in life and a person of truth that is always stranger than fiction. 

A legacy does not get produced by the actions given in life but it is created and lives on when individuals find their own personal character and become who they feel they should be; not how any one else ever tells them.

Nothing to it ~ but to do it

I do enjoy the oldest of sayings that have carried with me through the generations as my favorite to call upon daily. The present value I have in these simple sayings or clichés are as important to me as my favorite song lyrics or soundtracks of my favorite movi

Actions speak louder than words is another of my favorite motivating quotes I remind myself to use so I can do the things I need to do and to keep working on the things I want that challenge myself in the hobbies I enjoy.

Writing, words, and imagination to story developments and poetry plots has always gave me my most comforting moments in my struggling life and fulfilled the happiest of my times even more.

A Person I Used to Know was completely hostage to the ideas, thoughts, creativities, and imagination processes and productions of her family. If they rejected her as something was bad or negative or morally wrong; she would not do it.

If she heard their voices of opinions about others who entertained the notions of silence that she kept within her own passions and hobbies of creations about life; she would not do it. No matter how much happiness she was depriving herself of; it mattered to her to have their acceptance.

As this young gal grew into her own woman, she realized that their acceptance was what she needed in her life. She only needed to accept herself and the rest of life would happen. Her happiness of acceptance was more important to her than what any one else thought anyways became her mature conclusion.

She felt the power of strength she gained in her own written words. She witnessed the many tears of her public readings in sharing her writings with others who could relate to her struggles of surviving and searching to live her life.

Why would she not open her self up to the possibility that her writing could be used for so much more to help others entertain others and even enlighten her self in the fun vocabulary game of word play and rambling that she loved to do in her spare time.

This person was and is still me. I made a conscious choice and effort yesterday to embark on a new writing challenge to myself. To open a new door of opportunity for myself that only I can create and produce to share.

This prelude to a new blog invention is one of adult content romantic themes. In using a short story format; I wanted to know what it would feel like to write something that I once only imagined. I wanted to give a life to this hidden anchor of hobby ideas within me that would never go away from me daily. So I did it. It felt great too!

Hopelessly Short & Sweet was born yesterday at the following web address: http://hopelesslyshortandsweet.blogspot.com/ .

In being serious about the facts of life and the circumstances that people face every day in their health issues, marital or partner issues or even in financial matters beyond one’s own control; life is stressfully hard.

For many, we neglect ourselves of doing daily what makes us happier, healthier and finding a solo fun that allows us to feel refreshed, For many it is going no further than a book, movie, song, or television. An entertainment to self by self.

For me, I have always fancied in the idea of imagination creations about hopeless romantic love stories with tasteful plots and sexual rises and lows.

The fantasy of reality in even the best of couple love stories still have things left unsaid or undone. So I wish to create that unspoken or uncompleted role that reality lacks for most of us.

I feel the silence that lives in each of us is where our happiest and healthiest is waiting for each to open, cater to, and allow flourishing and growing of, including myself.

For me, it has always been in these types of romance novels that I found and filled my own voids.

The feedback I have received from sharing the one blog post yesterday is everything motivational, inspirational, and encouragement that I could hope to feel from sharing my latest writing efforts.

For love is so much than sex. Sex is so much more than love. To feel that self fulfillment from any entertainment source we can put our hands on is nice.

I just feel like I need to try to release this imagination from me. To not be fearful. To not be reserved. To not feel constraint by my own moral or lawful beliefs to provide a new sense of mindful entertainment that even the most of conservative can relate and the liberal could appreciate.

Imagination is the strongest characteristic trait I have ever clung to in my life. For it was through my imagination that I have accomplished the unbelievable of rewards I have emotionally received and shared with others.

There is nothing to it but to do it. I have done it. I am going to do it. I look forward to the daily plotting, daily assembly and daily goal to produce one short story on this Short & Sweet new blog.

I will keep this one updated for now as I feel compelled to write. For sharing enlightening tips to make one’s life easier whether in medical discomfort or just a plain hard knock life; is still valuable to me.

But taking my own mental break from the seriousness to escape into a fantasy world of my releasing creations feels pretty good to me too.

When a person fails to believe in their self and act upon that belief that stirs within their conscience; they are literally missing out on the potentially best thing that could ever happen for them in their life. I do not want to do that to myself and I hope no else will.

Dreams are something we tend to forget in our busy lives. It is easier to pick up the entertaining dream of another who just tried it and did it - then it is to please one’s own self in what they want or secretly wish they could do too.

I want to be a giver to that type of entertainment. My success at this mission will be like every thing else I do. I only grade my success by the reader tally or viewers to a website pages site statistics. Occasionally, I will get a feedback of a reader or viewer that makes contact. But even then, I go only on video and print good graces. For to share even with one person that makes a difference to increase their quality of life; is enough reward for me.

For the last decade that I have been sharing all my creativity online; I have no regrets. I feel successful. I feel happy and healthier than I have ever been.

For being true to one’s self; takes nothing but self approval. The rest is icing on a cake for the rest to feast graciously upon or to merely disregard. I respect myself enough to share and try. For me personally, failure is not a fear I have. For I sense that failure can never find me nor keep up as long as I keep moving forward in doing what I love and do enjoy.

The R rated content that I am now doing is a work in progress, like me. I am enjoying it. The content will not be for all readers but for those that enjoy this genre; I am sure it will be an experience of entertainment that they will not forget either. Happy entertaining yourself. Thank you for the daily number counts of my readers that let me know that my blogs do make a difference!

The Darkness in Silence

A Person I Used to Know was determined to be a better person in life. To scream louder of the wrong doings
witnessed around her. To call out the injustices she survived. To make the guilty pay in life that had
hurt or wronged her. To cast out a Beware sign every where she went so that no one else would ever face
the damaging reality of poor choices and injustices she had felt from the hands of criminals that hurt her.And to
give a face and voice to help others so they know that they can do it too!

She swore until her last dying breathe that she would make a path for her self even if she traveled alone.
That she would always follow the sun to leave her shadows behind her even when the light at times was so
blinding that she could not see clearly in what direction she should go. That she would be her own best
friend. She would be her own source of comfort, strength, happiness, courage, bravery and unconditional love.
Even if the doctors or those closest to her would give up on her; she'd never give up on herself.

This girl is now an adult lady. That girl was me and the adult lady is now me. In all the positive attributes that make childhood
worth living and recalling upon; my picture album isn't as bright. It wasn't as positive or reassuring as it should have
been. For the negativity I experienced only left me one choice in my life and that was to embrace the positive.

For years, I boldly declared the positive hope, beautiful, bright, and all that makes life good and beautiful. I saw
and see in others what most would never take a second glance to realize about them. Their darknesses, their shadows,
their light and their sunshine.

But the one person I could never stare back in the mirror of all the positive and negative was myself. FOr if I admitted
I had darkness and shadows in my own self then I would have to admit that I was no one no more special than the next person.

Sure my experiences taught me alot more than what any one person should have to endure, especially as a child. But
the thing is, life throws a different learning curve to each of us. It is never a pissing contest to see whose streams
of woes get carried farther or produce greater lengths of what one had to over come.

Do not get me wrong. It's wonderful when you pick your boot straps up repeatedly to stand up for yourself. Those
experiences one feels personally and individually grand and self rewarding when they do. But what is truly left after each
stand you take? What do you do that ensures you will never fall again? What makes that standing up so strong that you
like that feeling more of keep getting up than you do appreciating the value in your legs to hold you up strong permanently.

It's not the ability to fall down and keep getting up that moves you in life. It's when you take that final stand to who
or what you want to be that prevents all these other falls that matters.

In relationships, family with children and in jobs, occupations,and every activity person gets into; it does two things.
One is to create a choice of fall down. The other is standing back up from that fall or to stand up. To stop the fall
to begin with or learning how to the same repeated falls.

I have darkness of shadows that most would never imagine. Depending on the qualifications of experiences a person has that
know me personally or medically; they each will draw their own conclusion, stigmas or labels about me. I respect their
opinion of input from their experiences about me; as I hope they do mine for having lived it.

I want to break away from this writing that only gives advices, facts, and suggestions to help others to be motivated,
inspired and to move others from a victim frame of mind to beyond that of a survivor to really living with only activities
and a life that makes one happy. Not wasting another second day on the old of the past but living for only here and now.

But since I struggle with these things daily myself to break my own final chains; I can not stop this blog just yet to
travel on my own unchartered waters of writing.

When a person likes to write or is an author or poet; they open their self up to immediate comments, opinions, and
rejections. It is a take and give all situation. For what may kind of hobby, survival technique or profression; is open
season of feedback. Comes with the terriority of creating.

But to use darkness of silence that churns in one's own mind that either elaborates a wonderful gift of imagination or
the shrewd darkness; it is giving away a piece one of one's own soul that only the strong can really do to captivate others
into their creations.

Musicians are noterious for creating lyrics and songs that literally allow them to release their darkness, shadows,
light, positive, and negatives. Many profressionals of the trade end up selling their soul out for the profits instead
of using it for their own self gain of joy they get from sharing their creativity anyways.

For many more, it is very hard to open up that safe of their darkness of silence that one holds within.

The hobbies and love I have for life can only be detailed in words for me. As I venture more into learning music and
how to assemble this on an acoustic guitar; I know that I could live a lifetime and never put into music what I want to say.

But in writing in general using many styles, I can release some of my own silence. But it's not about having a writer's block
that prevents me from the real joys I want to venture on in writing; it's sheer cowardness.

It's the blunt rejection. It's the fact that I will know that I will have more work to do and lots more to learn to
ever craft what I want to say that tickles the fancy of a reader or to take them on a trip from their daily life upon
the pages that I create.

To give a reader that life that they can only dream about or to produce that plot that will leave people talking
ages after it has peaked in its two second of social acceptance is my silence of darkness greatest wish to leave
behind in my print ventures.

Entertainment takes on many life forms that are birthed of fiction from the depths of one soul's imagination. A fearless
people who literally believe in their self when the doors close as fast in their face as that only one door of opportunity
opens for them.

I want that strength in me. FOr each day I do blog of various content, I am gaining my one day closer to get there.
I do not want to do it for anyone else but for myself. To challenge myself to write that one book that is not fact. Not about
truth but of a fictional content that will leave a reader's mouth thirsty and quenching to be filled more of the
words I write and share.

The Darkness of Silence that we hold within is the key to who we really are. Those silent thoughts or ideas that
dance in our minds that allow us to smile, breathe or cry when we are alone. Those desires that make us feel alive
in the silence of our conscience. Those silent secrets of our wishes that we do not share but play secretly with every day.

To each their own abilities, motivations, skills and releasing that inner darkness of silence that you hide so very well.
May you find what you need, as I will, to unleash the passion, compassion, and soul fuel you have to become as you wish.
Life is learning. If you must learn and challenge your self every day, make it count in materializng the darkness of
your silence. Going to start doing that for myself too!

No Topic Should Be off Limit in Love

Personally, I feel if you say or use the words, "I Love You," then you should never be limited on topics to talk about.

No matter how embarrassing, potentially hurtful or even extremely private they maybe - open conversation is the only effective way to ensure that your relationships with those you love will always be an open engaging and inviting
friendship that never wearies with problems nor will problems escalate quicker than the words or emotions can be found to solve them.

If you talk about the topics that are easy all the time then you miss out on the best that is waiting for a person.
Especially when they conceal from you what they wish to say. But yet, they will talk to someone else who will listen to them, validate them, respect them, and even encourage them.

There are so many layers and levels to relationships with any one that we admire or say we love you too; that each person has their ideas of fantasies versus the reality they live in. It's hard to share your imagination or even your fantasies of dreams with others when no one will talk or speak about the difficult and personal or individual issues or hopes a person
has.

A Person I Used to Know grew up in genetic DNA acquaintance that left her feeling only as a stranger in her identity around these people she called family but yet at the same time, she felt an emotional bond to them that she was devoted to be accepted by them, be approved by them and could not live her life without them in it.

For she knew once she drew that chalk outline of her own identity of who she was and what she would allow or not allow in her life and expressed her self in creativity or verbal conversation; she would be an orphan by her own choice to ask, inquire, discuss and speak out.

This person used to be me with my family members. I do not speak to my mother, father, sister nor brother. Every now and then, when they have a problem they need solved or enlightenment of humor; they will call.

But to feel that same emotional and naive love that I had for them many years ago; I will never have again and this is by my choice.

For their culture of life and acceptance of who they are and stand for is not who I am. But to keep peace, I do allow myself tolerable doses of communication but only if they contact me.

To be respectful. To be encouraging. To never offer resources of my life unless they are willing to change their life or their ways to prevent future problems. I would not expect no less of them in their life that I have not lived and survived in my own actions of my life.

But for many, they spew these three little words of: "I Love You," as if its a game. A role they play and can just accept no responsibility for. A silent action they can give as long as they only keep saying it.

Love and sex are two words that go together in real close and intimate relationships. For each partner of love requires,needs, and desires actions of love from another. These types of intimate love are different than those with family or friends. Even though,at times, those criminal or moral laws do get broken too in the selfishness that sex and love
produce in people to harm others.

But in a truly healthy, growing, encouraging, and unconditionally loving environment; which I think that all people do secretly want fulfilled in their life by a partner to share with; it is few and very far between.

For the complexities of time restraints with jobs, money, children, homes, lifestyle choices, entertainments, and every thing under the sun takes precedence to all relationships but the joys, thrills, entertainment and fun sharing that open conversation where limits are not given can add value to any relationship.

For hopeless romantics, as I am; I do believe that if I think something, about a person then I should be able to tell that person directly. Just as they should be able to do the same with me.

For even in thoughts or emotions; whether right or wrong, they all hold personal and individual value within that should be given and released as well as stay open to allow others to be invited to listening to them as well.

In love, usually it is lust that leads to sex. Whether as a teenager, adult, or an individual who is supposed to be in a committed relationship can travel off from their one partner to be with another - it is merely lust.

Lust of what one sees. Lust of what one hears. Lust of what one says. Lust of how another makes them feel and if it feels this good in conversation then it could only become better by having sex right? Wrong.

Lust is like one second on a time clock of your entire life. That one second of lustful pleasure passes by so fast that in retrospect when reality hits; you will know that it was only one second of lust when in reality; what you were filling
in fun or a lustful love was only taking away from what you had or could have had with another who treated you more than mere lust.

Sex is one of the hardest topics to discuss. For each individual has their own personal definitions of what sex is for them and how or if they share their sex with another.

Sex must be a team effort by two team players. Both as givers. Both as receivers. Both agreeing when their sex life ends.
Both agreeing when their sexual actions will begin. Both to be respected in all aspects of their life from their consequences, choices, circumstances, and how they feel about sex.

Most people do not view sex as healthy for the human body, brain, and organs. For if more did; I am sure we'd have alot
more sex going on for every one and alot more healthier people. But sex releases many beneficial chemical releases in the
body that stimulates the over all health. As one ages, sexual desires do decline to chemical imbalances that
occur naturally with testosterone levels and estrogen levels.

Many couples who survive together through the ages of time will do so because they talk about their sex together or they
speak nothing of it to each other too. Instead, they choose to branch out from their committed partner to find that sexual
void they have in another who will reciprocate their advances to have sex.

Immoral or unlawfully as it may sound and deplorable to others; affairs happen every day by as many females as it does males.

If partners can not talk openly about all of their fears, worries, anxieties, expectations, recommendations, and requests to
their partner closest to them then how can that partner be fulfilled by one person?

Personally, I do think it is impossible in matters where open communication and team player compromise is reached.

Because as many love stories told about couples or marriages in love that have lasted through the ages; time and experiences
of others tells me that the majority of individuals who are married or in long term commitment relationships weigh
out their beneficial positives versus their separation negatives and choose to stay. Even if both partners are in secret
misery or hell or not sexually satisfied.

So which is better? Do you stay with those you say I love you too in your life that you can not talk openly too or do
you allow your self the freedom to live how you choose too by being open and honest and if that doesn't work to help
make you happy then you move on?

Many people view them self as either strict conservatives or liberals. This is speaking in terms of politics but not to be
applied as party affiliations. Stereotyping and labeling these as follows.

Conservatives believe in moral and lawful conduct. To be committed to family, relationships, partners and spouses to
a higher order of self-standards that replicate their strict line of living life in their churches, communities, activities,
and being forth coming what they feel to be right or wrong. There is no maybe, in between or perhaps the giving freedom
that maybe both could be right and all is wrong. Judges. Strict. Stubborn is what I would a die hard conservative.

Liberals are freedom givers and freedom takers. They believe as long as no one is getting hurt nor breaking a law; power
to the people. There is a down fall to this too because if you are too liberal; you may never learn consequences for actions,
even if only a moral standing of hurting others to self reward.

Moderation is key to either of these. For any one to be an effective believer of anything or even a good communicator;
one must be able to be the example of what they speak or be able to lead by actions. Words are useless unless they are
activated.So sharing is the only way. Speaking to be heard. Sharing conversations to listen especially over the difficult
topics.

So in speaking "love", one must try to show love. Watch the person that you say "I Love You" too. What do they do all day?
What are their hobbies? What do they enjoy? Who do they associate with? What makes them smile? What makes them happy?
What makes them laugh? What makes them blush? What makes their facial features light up in excitement? What makes them
squirm with anticipation? What makes them nervous with desire? What makes them humble with approval? What makes them
have happy tears? What makes them have sad tears?

Many times, we take those we say "I Love You" too for granted the most in our lives. We always assume they will be there.
We always assume they will out live us or that just because they are in our lives today that they will be tomorrow too.

That's not always the case as estranged children have been leaving parent's homes for years and never to return. Or
divorce rates and partner separations happen in even the strongest or longest of unions.

Never take conversations, writing a blunt honest letter, or sending a text or email for granted of those you love.Make
time to effectively communicate. Make time to show in actions the words of love and not just say them.

Love is an over used word. But only when it becomes ineffective by lack of actions. Sex is an over used action of love
too. For when sex occurs or fails to occur without both partners consent; one will move on as a general rule or find
alternative methods to fill their desire.

You would not ask the one you love to give up milk because you are lactose intolerant. You may compromise by buying
less of the milk that you both used to share so your needs and their needs would supplement the medical milk change.
But not give up on reaching a solution for you both.

You would not ask the one you love to give up using your brand of toilet paper because they have to have medicated wipes.
You would compromise in smaller portions for each giving way medically that would satisfy and serve purpose for both.
But not give on reaching a solution for both.

You would not ask the one you love to give up watching their favorite television show because you fail to like it. You may
compromise television times of sharing or even watching alone at different times but both would still be happy
by sharing and compromising.

So why would you ask them to give up sexual desires or try not to reach a compromise satisfaction to you both?

The same for happy or sad or other difficult topics of discussions that matter to both of you or affect both of you in any
relationship. You must seek a peaceful compromise, tolerance or middle ground of comfort that works for all involved to keep
those you say you love in your life and to make them happy to be in yours as well.

Communication gets lost so easily in all the electronics we have at our fingertips. We really do say more and have less of
substance at the same time. As we continue to do this, we solve nothing in our lives. We rob our self of the happiness
we could have. Instead we become settled into the life we have instead of living and experiencing the lives we want.

Life is never easy when dealing with other people. No matter how educated we are or what we learn; we still have a long way
to go in understanding how other's feel; what they think; how they believe and acceptance of the choices they make
in their lives when they are different than our own.

But love, lust, and sex are topics that always stay silent in our lives and affect each of us differently. If we can not
talk about these humane elements that bind us all together in a responsible, sensible, open, blunt and honest approach as
mature adults;
then our children will never have a hope in life to understand the healthy and unhealthy elements of the values in these
entities either.

So when you talk, communicate, or verbally share anything; say it like you mean it. Ask a question like your life depends
on it. Do not be afraid of any consequences of that which you speak. For your verbal open maybe the only voice
another person hears that will give them the courage they need to speak and ask for their self in their life too.

Life is too short to take the potential for happiness for granted. If you do not want happiness in your life; then you
will never find it by doing the same old things, over and over again.

Every one deserves to speak and be heard and listened too. Give and take equally especially if you dare say, "I Love You,"
to another.

What has Entertainment Media Taught You?

No one thinks in terms of learning while watching media for entertainment. Whether it be videos, television shows or movies; each story has a storyline of characters, summaries, and create interesting topics that real life would not dare to discuss even with those closest to a person. But a person will watch and ponder in silence of media anyways.

But have you ever really sit and thought about what you have learned or could be taught from the media you entertain yourself with?

A Person I Used to Know hated television shows. Hated series. Hated movies. Hated anything that allowed time to pass by while sitting still to watch something.

It was a waste of time for this person. But the earliest days of her television or movies was not a pleasantly inviting or an embracing experience. For the adults of the home forced what would be watched. Forced  what was considered entertainment
and what was smut, not child friendly or completely just whores and sluts shows.

Yes, this person was me and that was what I endured. But in my time, homes were blessed if had only one television. Not the culture we have today where media can be connected too and enjoyed independently in every room of one's own home if they choose.

Thanks to pawn shops, consignment shops, thrift stores and even layaway policies in retail stores; even a financially strapped person on a budget can have as many electronic devices they want in their home.

Getting introduced to the media world through television shows like Star Trek and Doctor Who was not shows that a child or a teenager would have choose to watch back in my day; even if we had control of the television channels. There were no remotes to the TVs we owned; so if you didn't get up to change the channel; you watched whatever channel it was.The adults
back in my day controlled the television and not the kids. Today, kids do their thing and adults their own on their own devices. 

Funny how electronics and media entertainment has multiplied. I remember when Hee Haw was considered the most raw and lewd show of characters and sexist entertainment on television. According to my conservatives grandmothers and mother; it was and religiously wrong too. I know better now.

In constructing my own form of media entertainment through the years and watching all that I did miss out on in my own generation that I missed when it was current; I have come to learn that media can be a great teacher too.

For almost all shows, movies, and videos have some kind of moral compass to follow or element of surprise to help a person endure their hard or disappointing life circumstances. To be able to embrace the positive and learn from the negative of these entertaining story lines with believable heroic or demonic characters is thrilling in itself.

I find myself getting wrapped up in the most evil of cynical characters. Feeling empathy for them and depending on the story behind the media; even acknowledging their imperfect criminal ways in myself. I look up to these evil or darkness characters just because their story lines are the most real about human nature that only entertainment can depict.

The truth hurts Yes! But dodging it does nothing effective either. Lying about how you feel or avoiding the hard topics that stir emotions will not make those emotions go away.

The problem continues and is never solved. At least with evil or cynical characters, their techniques maybe questionable in solving problems but their characters are as real as it gets in the problems they endure in entertaining media.

If in reality we embraced those hard topics and discussed the emotionally facts of what we feel, endured, and saw hardcore in our self and others - what a better world we may have indeed where we could learn how to be truly equal and fulfilled
people.

For the darkness of some characters portrayed in movies or television shows makes you want to be that bad person or that bad ass that no one fears and every one respects. Those characters give you motivation to change your own light. To use your
own darkness in a new enlightening way of a creative mind. At least for me anyways.

I feel like I have been a sponge my whole life and still am. Soaking up all the exciting and new exposures of experiences to increase my own individual and personal quality of life and then using the negative experiences of my life to gain more light or just merely laugh at
than the darkness that occurred to me. For my reactions to every thing I experience are my own. My own terms to accept. My own control to do as I choose and how I wish to deal and roll with the punches so to speak.

For I can still love others when they hate me and they do not love me. That is my choice and it is satisfying knowing there's not a thing they can do about it. I can hate the very living air in the lungs that breathe every day and I choose to do them no harm even though I hate the actions they did to me that produced hate in me to begin with.

But I can hate them and go on in my life without them. There's nothing they can do it about it to change me and the views I have of them no more than they can change me without my consent.No one can judge me no matter what I do because it's my life, my actions, my words, my experiences.

The things that occur to us or what we endure are as a blanket that never leaves our side. We either choose to take that blanket of our own experiences to wrap our selves in to keep warm and moving forward in a cold, lonely world that we may have been given or we simply allow other to take our blankets of experiences and tell us what we should or can not do
with it. Unless you experience it; you have no say in it. Unless you own the blanket of experience of another, you can not take it from them and force them to do what you want too!

Humans are emotional creatures before we are anything else. I think for most people that being intellectually stimulated or emotionally or mentally massaged in life is more important than what most people will admit about one another.

For we see visually with our eyes but never touch the heart of another with our eyes closed. We hear their words and see their actions or visual beauty but we never really tap into the core of another emotional, mental and psychological soul.

We have relationships but many rarely never experience that deepness that gives us pleasures internally. Those feelings that last long after time has passed and the experience is gone. But yet the beautiful sharing exposure of complete opening of giving
and sharing discovery with another still lives in our memories and every time our eyes are closed to recall upon it as if we are living in that second again.

So we turn to media entertainment to get our fill. To feel that evil we claim we hate but yet we entices get stirred by. To lustfully or enviously wish, we could be that bad ass! To feel that good, wholesome perfection of life that only fictional characters of movies and shows can give us.

The movies and shows are blunt, honest, truthful, and even disturbing in the careful planning of story assembly that make characters appear real. We eat their realness up claiming our nourishment for our own mental appetites that only entertainment
provides to us when the truth of the matter is that inside; that's who we want to be. That's what we hope to feel. That's what we want to have in our life.

Entertainment media is all lust. All love. All hate. All evil. All good. All learning lessons wrapped up in each individual one. It is very hard for me to get turned onto to new characters if I can watch an old rerun a million times over just to savor the feel I get in my mouth and soul from my favorite entertainment outlets.

The Internet makes it so easy to keep an entertaining addiction alive with quotes and tag lines or soundtracks from those movies and shows that keep us feeling alive and real by the entertaining we get inside from the external sources.

I have shared many educational resources in my life with many people. My efforts of sharing has helped their lives to increase quality. To help someone shy become not so afraid to get out there and have fun. Even when clowning around to be the biggest mock of jokes I can be socially to help another feel less insecure - I am that person. It is about sharing. Simply sharing.

I am taking off focus of learning new skillful resources for a while of the facts in a dictionary. For I do feel I have shared enough for those who need it or want it in the prior posts of this blog to be effective skills that anyone can go back to read should they need too.

But from here on out, this blog will be catered to the fun, real, truth, and blunt of my own experiences and life. To share the evil with the darkness. To use short stories, poetry, musical lyrics, and any forms of entertainment I feel compelled to share with my own creative instincts to allow another to run with it.

Life is too short to try to save the whole world anyways. All we can do honestly is save our own damn self! Pardon the explicit vocabulary I use and if it offends; all I can do is tell you to read a dictionary.

For those words you were told that were bad, not lady like or religiously wrong have more meanings of fact than what those will tell you who are closest to you anyways. There are honestly no curse words. Only people who see curse words as bad because they feel uncomfortable saying them.

It all comes down to the facts of a dictionary and what you choose to do with your input of facts versus opinions anyways.

In learning all I have about Observe, Describe without Judging and Participating actively in every thing I do in my life with the Dialectal Behavior Therapy, medical conditions and gaining my new sense of healthier upon the unhealthiness I learned  through my experiences and the opinions of others is that if I never stand up vocally and in my actions to live my life on
my own terms that I define when I have all the facts to make my own educated choices; I allow all the above to win and guide my life never steering my own course.
 
By not standing up to define your experiences and your own life - you give them a continued consent to tell you how to live, what you can and can not do, who you should be and should not be.

If you spend my life pleasing every one by their opinions then you can never set the facts of your life for you. No one should ever sale them self out like that unless they are making a huge financial profit and that's only if you are enjoying what you are doing and not hurting another person while doing it!

We are all equally dumb. We are all equally smart. We are equally beautiful. We are equally emotional disturbed and emotionally moved. We all lack a void inside that we wish some one else would dip down deep enough inside us to tickle our heart, to touch our funny bone, to create that life changing orgasm within that radiates our external life to a sheer high of happiness that no external substance could give us.

We all wish secretly these things. If I am lying or you do not believe me; then be real and ask yourself - Why do you read? Why do you watch TV? Why do you enjoy movies? Why do you love music? Why are you a sports addict? Why do you love porn?

Entertaining media is a void filler and nothing more. Entertaining media gives us what we directly do not have in our life but wish we could have. Books, art, and creativity are no different in getting that individual fill on too.

We all want to have purpose in life. We all want to have our voids filled. Thank goodness for media entertainment; we can be law abiding citizens and moral people at the same time by the submissions of what we watch and enjoy.We all can live out our voids of being a criminal, sexual deviant, and hero or villain. I do enjoy my own acceptance of self. In all that I am or not, real is all I have to be and give and share. When I quit these
daily purposes to fill my life; I am done anyways.

But without accepting all my mirror reflection details of my internal and external; I am nothing more than a fictional character too. No one should ever allow them self to become that. For in real life - the benefits are not as glorious as a movie and even more depressing and oppressing than the worst of story lines created in a book, show or movie. If we deny who we really are.

Sharing some quotes of ponder to think about. The strength you give in life must come from within yourself of who you are when no one is watching. The weaknesses you display to others in life by what you display to them will be all they remember you for anyways. So make each second count. Share with those worthy to enjoy your company and let the rest go. We may never have that perfect story life of the characters we want in our life or be that hero or villain we want to be but we can learn how to change, learn to gain, and be happy by admitting the voids we have and then seek to fill them!

If you seek perfect in a human, you are lying to yourself and will be let down. But when you understand, accept, embrace, be real, honest, and blunt truth as you see life from the facts of your own discoveries - life will happen for you. Happiness will be discovered. Lonely won't seem so alone. Evil won't sound or appear so bad. And good becomes endless.

Mind over matter is still the strongest asset we have to grow on in each of us. Until we comprehend this or accept the facts of our self and realize how easy life can be when we accept the facts we get from our entertainment media; then every one would be healthier, happier, and wonderfully full of the good stuff they enjoy about living life. No one can make life
happen for you - but you. Make it count!

Never give up control. Live life on your own terms! Walter White - Breaking Bad

You either die a hero, Or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. - Harvey Dent, Dark Knight

Breaking Bad at the Breakfast Club on Valentine's Day

The saying: "If you can not beat them; you might as well join them", is probably a fact of life and gives justification to every action a person does.

For criminals do happen every where. Whether created in birth, in the name of love, to obtain money, or to even secure personal satisfactions to do things that are illegal or immoral; each their own reason for doing it.

It is simple yet complicated human nature I do believe - that we all possess enough good in us to appear normally acceptable while being secretive in the desires of our souls that makes us criminals by the things we do illegally or
immorally.

So what makes one crime of passion or one breaking of the law worse than another? Association by those you mingle with will make it illegal or not.

The written law and social order of judicial justice is merely an ancient system that has more faults and failures than any other employable occupation. It does not mean that we should not try to uphold the law and be respectable when we can and seek to be morally humane people. But the fact is that if you do want to be a good person and strive to be; the loneliness or
individual deprivations you feel in your self from doing the right things in the wrong world we live in, can be devastating.

Human relationships can be the hardest thing to maintain in life. To keep the emotions feeling good. To ease the feelings of frustrations that come from relentless, effort, and sheer work it takes to be an effective communicator with those closest to you every day.

From spouses, partners, children, work associates and extended family members or even friends; people are work in nature when trying to have any kind of humane relationship with. 

For some, they make it almost impossible to be close, near or involved
in their lives. For others, you couldn't make them lose or forget your number if you paid them a million dollars! People can be just that difficult at times.

A Person I Used to Know swore to herself as a child that one day, she would take the wrong, illegal and immoral experiences done to her to flip it. Take all the negative productions of others who hurt harmed her to make sure she wouldn't do the same things to others. Well guess what, this person was me and still is to a degree.

But through learning and maturing and living good experiences of my life, as well as moving past all that bad; I realize I got my own demons too. I got my own immoral, unlawful, and negative aspects too.

I do not strive to be perfect anymore. I do not strive to put on a show for no one. I do not seek to create understanding as I once did about my life or to defend or offend the truth by the facts of my own life's experiences. I started using my new skillfulness to enjoy my life that I have  gained through self-therapy of learning DBT and enhancing the good of me while trying to decrease the negative of myself.

The TV series, Breaking Bad, is a perfect indicator of the good versus evil dilemma that each individual human endures. It's extreme in the  storyline and believable characters of Walt and Jesse plots to produce meth.

The entanglement that comes from their individual desires to be wealthy and for Walt to provide for his family as well as his own personal passion for the chemistry behind making meth is a show that leaves ones questioning their own self. The moral. The lawful. The positive. The negative. Family. Friends.Employment. Love. Hate.

I have been consumed into Breaking Bad on Netflix. The sorrow and grief I am feeling to see the series ends breaks my heart. As if I have been having a secret love affair of this show's explosive, realistic and soulful doses of truth and facts.
It's only estrogen's interpretation I suppose or the fact that I get overly obsessed and consumed whole heartedly in what I do or view of my favorite shows and movies.

But on this Valentine's Day, the show Breaking Bad comes to mind for it is a "Damned if you. Damned if you do not." Kind of life
that each of us has felt, survived, thrived and lived to enjoy through.

Being individually who you are and accepting your dark shadows and your brightest lights you have to share and offer is a personal journey that each of us can only truly travel alone anyways.

Sharing with others is wonderful when time and opportunity allow us to enjoy the presence of those we enjoy the greatest. But even as we are birthed solo in this world; we will journey solo to meet our death too.

Do not regret or beat yourself up so bad over the things you have did in your past. Leave them there. Learn and move on on to continue and enjoy. As long as you are not hurting another intentionally, you deserve to live your life by the standards you
accept about yourself. It has taken me almost my whole life to believe this in myself too. To stand up and say take me or leave me but my life will go on by the directions I choose. To feel good about every Yes or No I speak and share. To be affirmed in my choices and the consequences of my actions.

I think that's kindly the whole summary of the Breaking Bad series. If you live life by the "Damned if you do" or "Damned if you do not" by the standards set by others for you; then you have already lost out on living life by being with the
wrong company the whole time.

Sacrifices are meant to be made in every relationship we have; but when you find yourself
giving more resources or being the sole problem solver to other's problem creations; it's time for a change.

My favorite Breakfast Club quote from the 80s gives perfect example of how to give individual acceptance to self as a enlightening view too.

"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us.

In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete......and a basket case......a princess...and a criminal...Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."

To each generation their own discoveries of who they are but for me, somewhere between the Breaking Bad at the Breakfast Club; I accept all that I am! Good. Bad. Negative. Positive. Perfect. Imperfect. Moral. Immoral. Lawful. Unlawful.
 
Take me or leave me but I will always be your loss is my motto!

Television shows and movies has a way to creep in our emotional veins and to make addicts of us. Leaving us to the silent thoughts of our individual self. What we do with this information that we gain from the media we enjoy is entirely up to each of us.

I admit that I am a brain, athlete, basket case, princess, criminal, Danger & a Yo Bitch!!!!!

So, what truths or facts do you admit about your self, your life, and the relationships you have current in your life?

No one can tell you what love should or should not be for you. No one can tell you that are you miserable unless you choose to believe what they say about yourself.

For me, every day is a grain of sand sliding through an hourglass. What I do with those
sands of glass are up to me. I can spend time in grief, loss, sorrow, or regret counting each sand as a constant reminder of the mistakes and hurt done to me or I can pick that sand up daily to make the biggest, largest and finest creation of sand castles that wants to be built! I choose to build new sand of time every day that I am granted to live and hope I have others who share the same excitement of living daily life with too. For good company of the best stuff in life is the sweetest aroma, taste, and sensations a person could give and receive in.

Traditions and dates on a calendar of history is only a sharing lesson and nothing more. To be respectful of any holiday is to live it truly as you feel you need and want to do to produce your own happiness and perhaps, even enlighten some one else in their holiday. But to each their own defining and meaning.

For if Valentine's Day is a thorn in your side today or always was; ask yourself, What are you doing to remove the thorns? What are you doing to grow your own roses for yourself? Why are you wasting time by not being the bloom you want to be?

Company of people we keep will either be a reminder of thorns we have or be the blooms we need to enjoy life. Even in opposite attractions of relationships that produce negativity; it can be positively used to motivate a liberal from the conservative. Or in perfect soul mate love, it can be an undeniable experience that carries you through all sands of time to keep you moving proudly in who you truly are and having that one special person to share time with.

Time is too short to let another define you or to share company with anyone that takes more than they give. Humble yourself. Say thank you. Wear your emotions proudly and smile and share laughter every where. Time will always be too short in retrospect and we only have today to make sure those we love know it and those who do not love us back are let go of.

Daily Connections

Every one has their own routine or regimen of tasks, hobbies or fulfillment
of time that they do. For some, it consists mostly of television, cable, or Internet.
For others, it is doing everything but the above.

I know for those who have no Internet connection or electronic connections that
they could not imagine the hype of new electronics,
daily typing or texting addictions and the being glued to a monitor or screen some where.

While those who do this repetitively every day, could not imagine life without having
some kind of electronic tool of pleasure or social fun at their use of every minute of
every day.

I think moderation is truly key. Unplug one's focus of electronics to be active in their
community, at their home with who they reside or even getting outdoors to admire
and appreciate nature that never fails to provide a peaceful aura to us, when we stop
and take focus of the magic youthfulness presented that only nature can give.

These last few weeks, I have had more technology and computer issues that anyone could
possibly imagine. Unless you speak the language of BIOS, hardware issues, jumper cables
in a computer and power sources and internal processing that make a computer light up
and function properly.

A Person I Used to Know was as a curious watcher of anyone that would tear open
broken things to diagnosis problems. The million pieces to find that one broken piece to put it
back together with hopes of operational repair.

The individual who watched a repair person tearing up something to fix something was an excitement
that probably only children get to view. Adults complain of costs. Adults fear the expenses. Adults
think the worst of everything broken and forget the journey of taking that one broken piece laid
out in a million piece array to fix it. Adults forget to compliment their self when repairing things.
Adults forget alot of the simple joys that only children can get when things break.

This repair person that I witnessed as a child was not afraid to take apart televisions, VCRs, washers, dryers,
motors for coal furnaces, motors to vehicles, transmissions to vehicles, computers, and anything else
that had a case or a housing that needed to be removed to find the covered internal workings of an object
to fix it. Many times, it did lead to piles of discarded trash from others that this repair person felt they
could diagnose and fix cheaper than buying new again.

This person was me and still is when it comes to fixing or repairing versus buying new. The repair person
I childishly enjoyed watching fix things when curse words wasn't flying or slinging tools didn't produce fear was
my father.

He was a dark personality with a criminal silent and social soul. But his intellectual ingenuity that
did repair many items in my youth would always amazed me with his fearlessness to fix things that were broken.

He had a relentless hope to repair things even if he kept plain trash. That was his addiction to fix the
unrepairable. It was the most valuable thing he ever taught me that I still apply in my life now.
To repair what is broken if possible but avoid buying new. Somehow, that never left me including my own
electronics.

Even though his actions of his life produced more negative than positives to me; I can still smile and
recall happy that my criminal dad taught me.

For his criminal ways would always produce and reflect a greater shadow on who he was and the choices he made negatively
in his life that produced ill harm upon others. But his life could have had an endless possibility of potential
had he only applied him self in a lawful and moral standard. For his intellect knew better but his dark addictions
never could allow him to get past them.

One does not have to be an expert of any specific trait, training or education to be a contributor,
but very few see it is as this in our detailed oriented
social culture of acceptance or rejections we live in.

But I learned my fearlessness of life about mechanics, learning, and ethic values of working, being productive
and even repairing many things in my life from this person I used to call my dad.

I do not speak to him anymore. Sometimes, the criminal aspects of a person's life and the safety of your own life; do play
key important factors in who you associate with now and do not anymore.

But every time, I break down a computer tower to get inside with amazement of numbers, operation factors,
and every cable; I am in as much awe as I was when I used to watch others do it and now I am doing it.

Sometimes, the greatest obstacles we must face to survive our experiences will teach us lessons that we value
even when we are surviving.

These survivals can be conflicting for others to survive or even understand. But the thing is that if you can overcome
a tragedy of loss of any kind and still smile or laugh about it when emotions settle of shock and time allows
you to reflect back with a smile or a happy  memory; take it.

Let that happy memory be what you retain and not the bad. Memories are like a processor in a computer. They do try to
over ride the logical or rational reasoning of life. Emotions can be very disabling as a virus in a computer would be.

But in changing thoughts, perceptions and how you choose to see something, instead of just constant gloom and doom;
your brain will accept the new views or visuals you give it of memories. Those bad memories will slowly be erased
and be replaced by the happier views, perceptions and thoughts that you give it now.

Reprogramming the brain and emotions
is hard to do for the human body has no reboots, no new disk drives and no internal jumper cables to try again.It takes
sheer personal and individual will power to do it.

I used to be the world's worst person and even at times still catch myself falling back into the old of my unhealthiness
of thoughts, emotions, and personal perceptions.

For one thing today would go wrong and it was automatically the fault
of something that occurred almost 20 years ago.

Painful trauma does have an invisible way to keep producing
unhealthiness inside a person that churns like a hurricane until you learn new skills to help you to step out away
from the hurricane.

To accept that mild storms and things beyond your control or even things you did that were in your control;
can be changed. It is never easy to change. For it is so much easier to tell others how to live instead of
focusing on changing self.

The daily is a present gift that is meant to be lived in the moment. My daily addiction is this blog, along with music, working
with my hands whether it is typing, learning to strum a guitar, sewing, reading, singing karaoke and for me; electronics add value to myself
to help me feel good.

I feel productive when I am doing all the above.These are not the only things I accomplish every
day for myself but they are my top happy day producers. Getting on Facebook to give my friends and family a cheerful
hello or a quote that might help their day or sharing laughter that only the insiders of the joke who shared with me will get.

But unplugging one's self with moderation is the only way to balance it too. Too much of a good thing can lead to being a bad
thing. Just ask someone in jail!

I should feel shame to admit to strangers on my blog that
I am an addict of this daily electronic happiness known as my computer and Internet socializing and learning; but this
works for me. No one else has to understand it. They only need to accept it or not. That's their choice.

For my happiness in me, comes from within deep and I only wish to share that.

For the tragedies, traumas, and unexpected life's surprises are out there every day waiting to rock some one's world
upside down and inside out in some types of personal, individual or family issue. If we can not share the rainbows
we feel; even when going through our own hurricane; then what is living life all about anyways?

I came across this quote and feel compelled to share today. Basically all I am doing is touching bases today and hopefully
now that I am electronically stable again after many hours spent on this computer problem solved; I'll be back at the
factual learning curve I am on and sharing facts of life in a whole new view that covers many topics.


"There is no wifi in the forest, but we promise you'll find a better connection." - Unknown

Moderation is key to every thing to build, gain, achieve and produce consistency. If you must be a criminal,
do it in moderation and make sure that you will be only hurting yourself in the worst case of scenarios or
present the facts to your life of what you are doing. Be affirmed in what you choose to do for yourself.

People have been confusing, using ineffective communication and telling others what they should or should not do
for as long as the first human beings spoke upon this Earth.

So live life by your comforts. Live life to move past
your discomforts. Seek no acceptance or understanding from another human being. Seek only to share and keep moving
forward. For to do otherwise, is not only to decrease your own happiness and validation in your self that others
simply can not and will not give you. They are not the living, breathing soul that you are and you are not they.

Adults can be so selfish, centered, stubborn, rude, immature, mean, cruel and quite manipulative and vindictive.
How well you get along with others of these worst character traits is entirely up to you to be as they are and participate
in their shadows by allowing them to become your own or simply moving forward to step into the sun and appreciate
all the beautiful warmth, bright, and feel good you choose with out this shadowing darkness upon you.

We all must find that daily joy that adds to our self and our life. We are no more responsible for assisting others
to find their joys than they are for us.

I am thankful that I do have wonderful, caring, sharing, enlightening and positive
people in my life. Though, their roles in my life is not as daily absorbing as I would like to share with them
due to distance, time, space, and finances - we still do the best we can to know we still care enough to reach out to
appreciate each other. That's all we could ever ask from another.

To make time to share laughter. To share smiles. To create those happy memories that are waiting upon us
and even when they pass as life continues on; to appreciate the emotional values that they happened and learn to
move forward from.

Life can either be lived in reverse with regrets or to keep moving forward. Regrets are in the past and do not need
any more time in the present than what you consent to give them. Nothing should ever be avoided in life because honestly,
you can change your perceptions, views and emotions toward anything or anyone that you want too.

If you want change, you can make it happen even if you have to learn new skills and seek the ability
in yourself to become fearless and try.

If you already feel like you failed then what do you have to lose by getting right back up and keep trying to
move forward.

If we waited for others to keep picking us up; we'd never walk and never have a life anyways.

Anyone can do it when they want too. So every day become the moderation person you wanted to always be.

Forget fears. Forget rejections. Forget strange or stupid comments.

Be yourself and be the happiest that you want to be, even if doing it solo. You may have never been in control of the
genetics of your composition or those early years of your life. But the you that you are today and every
day forward; you do control. You can change what you want to be, feel, think and become in life.

No one can ever take away the core of your internal but you.They
can try. But they will never win, no matter what they do; unless you consent to their beliefs and never establish your
own.