The Darkness in Silence

A Person I Used to Know was determined to be a better person in life. To scream louder of the wrong doings
witnessed around her. To call out the injustices she survived. To make the guilty pay in life that had
hurt or wronged her. To cast out a Beware sign every where she went so that no one else would ever face
the damaging reality of poor choices and injustices she had felt from the hands of criminals that hurt her.And to
give a face and voice to help others so they know that they can do it too!

She swore until her last dying breathe that she would make a path for her self even if she traveled alone.
That she would always follow the sun to leave her shadows behind her even when the light at times was so
blinding that she could not see clearly in what direction she should go. That she would be her own best
friend. She would be her own source of comfort, strength, happiness, courage, bravery and unconditional love.
Even if the doctors or those closest to her would give up on her; she'd never give up on herself.

This girl is now an adult lady. That girl was me and the adult lady is now me. In all the positive attributes that make childhood
worth living and recalling upon; my picture album isn't as bright. It wasn't as positive or reassuring as it should have
been. For the negativity I experienced only left me one choice in my life and that was to embrace the positive.

For years, I boldly declared the positive hope, beautiful, bright, and all that makes life good and beautiful. I saw
and see in others what most would never take a second glance to realize about them. Their darknesses, their shadows,
their light and their sunshine.

But the one person I could never stare back in the mirror of all the positive and negative was myself. FOr if I admitted
I had darkness and shadows in my own self then I would have to admit that I was no one no more special than the next person.

Sure my experiences taught me alot more than what any one person should have to endure, especially as a child. But
the thing is, life throws a different learning curve to each of us. It is never a pissing contest to see whose streams
of woes get carried farther or produce greater lengths of what one had to over come.

Do not get me wrong. It's wonderful when you pick your boot straps up repeatedly to stand up for yourself. Those
experiences one feels personally and individually grand and self rewarding when they do. But what is truly left after each
stand you take? What do you do that ensures you will never fall again? What makes that standing up so strong that you
like that feeling more of keep getting up than you do appreciating the value in your legs to hold you up strong permanently.

It's not the ability to fall down and keep getting up that moves you in life. It's when you take that final stand to who
or what you want to be that prevents all these other falls that matters.

In relationships, family with children and in jobs, occupations,and every activity person gets into; it does two things.
One is to create a choice of fall down. The other is standing back up from that fall or to stand up. To stop the fall
to begin with or learning how to the same repeated falls.

I have darkness of shadows that most would never imagine. Depending on the qualifications of experiences a person has that
know me personally or medically; they each will draw their own conclusion, stigmas or labels about me. I respect their
opinion of input from their experiences about me; as I hope they do mine for having lived it.

I want to break away from this writing that only gives advices, facts, and suggestions to help others to be motivated,
inspired and to move others from a victim frame of mind to beyond that of a survivor to really living with only activities
and a life that makes one happy. Not wasting another second day on the old of the past but living for only here and now.

But since I struggle with these things daily myself to break my own final chains; I can not stop this blog just yet to
travel on my own unchartered waters of writing.

When a person likes to write or is an author or poet; they open their self up to immediate comments, opinions, and
rejections. It is a take and give all situation. For what may kind of hobby, survival technique or profression; is open
season of feedback. Comes with the terriority of creating.

But to use darkness of silence that churns in one's own mind that either elaborates a wonderful gift of imagination or
the shrewd darkness; it is giving away a piece one of one's own soul that only the strong can really do to captivate others
into their creations.

Musicians are noterious for creating lyrics and songs that literally allow them to release their darkness, shadows,
light, positive, and negatives. Many profressionals of the trade end up selling their soul out for the profits instead
of using it for their own self gain of joy they get from sharing their creativity anyways.

For many more, it is very hard to open up that safe of their darkness of silence that one holds within.

The hobbies and love I have for life can only be detailed in words for me. As I venture more into learning music and
how to assemble this on an acoustic guitar; I know that I could live a lifetime and never put into music what I want to say.

But in writing in general using many styles, I can release some of my own silence. But it's not about having a writer's block
that prevents me from the real joys I want to venture on in writing; it's sheer cowardness.

It's the blunt rejection. It's the fact that I will know that I will have more work to do and lots more to learn to
ever craft what I want to say that tickles the fancy of a reader or to take them on a trip from their daily life upon
the pages that I create.

To give a reader that life that they can only dream about or to produce that plot that will leave people talking
ages after it has peaked in its two second of social acceptance is my silence of darkness greatest wish to leave
behind in my print ventures.

Entertainment takes on many life forms that are birthed of fiction from the depths of one soul's imagination. A fearless
people who literally believe in their self when the doors close as fast in their face as that only one door of opportunity
opens for them.

I want that strength in me. FOr each day I do blog of various content, I am gaining my one day closer to get there.
I do not want to do it for anyone else but for myself. To challenge myself to write that one book that is not fact. Not about
truth but of a fictional content that will leave a reader's mouth thirsty and quenching to be filled more of the
words I write and share.

The Darkness of Silence that we hold within is the key to who we really are. Those silent thoughts or ideas that
dance in our minds that allow us to smile, breathe or cry when we are alone. Those desires that make us feel alive
in the silence of our conscience. Those silent secrets of our wishes that we do not share but play secretly with every day.

To each their own abilities, motivations, skills and releasing that inner darkness of silence that you hide so very well.
May you find what you need, as I will, to unleash the passion, compassion, and soul fuel you have to become as you wish.
Life is learning. If you must learn and challenge your self every day, make it count in materializng the darkness of
your silence. Going to start doing that for myself too!