Respect. What is respect? What does respect personally mean to you? What does respect actively extended to others demonstrate to you? What is your relationship with the word Respect?
Is respect a positive, healthy and favorable feeling, emotion or action you enjoy to participate in? Is respect a negative, unhealthy, immature or uncomfortable feeling, emotion or action you choose not to engage in? Perhaps, fear to give respect and fearing even more to embrace standards of personal and individual respect in your life have hindered your life?
Basically, do you think that you respect yourself? Do you think others respect you? Would you call the respect in your life that you have as a healthy, mature respect to self and others? Or only an unhealthy, immature respect for yourself and you extend this to others harshly? Is respect an equal opportunity or only given to social hierarchies?
The higher and powerful occupational and religious role is; the most the respect is given to them. The more money you have, the more respect you have. The less you have, the less respect you gain. Is this what the majority define when thinking about respect and what it means in 2014?
Respect is a word that should be a primary guide to one's life to produce effective happiness, contentment, and self-fulfillment before respect can be beneficially extended to others. Why? Because if you can not be respectful and accepting of yourself; how can you possibly know or be safe to respect others when you void yourself of respect in your own life?
Respect is a powerful word. For centuries this word has created and controlled many slaves and individuals who were vulnerable or naive and would do anything to feel they belonged and had purpose in this life or it was due to unfair and even cruel laws.
Respect was a word that primarily illustrated fear - though, in factual definition; there is no relation of respect and fear to provoke complete submission from another. Perhaps, we still have alot more to learn about what respect is.
Until we learn more individual understanding of this word, for many, respect will be harshly activated to increase human harm and prey upon the weaknesses of others to create submission or manipulations.
Instead of being a team player to one another, it's as if we take steps up a large ladder to follow of those higher than we on the social scale so that we may one day reach their superior hierarchy of this respect. Respect usually comes down to being accepted or wanting to be accepted and doing what one must feel to achieve either/or of this task to give or receive respect.
A Person I Used to Know was trained about the word of Respect as something to fear. Fear to only give respect to others. Fear to never have respect for self. Individuality was not taught as a character strength nor was respect to be individually accepted either.
For the abusers of her life preached, praised and taught children that respect was a submissive power to be used as a manipulation technique to produce favorable religious beliefs, keep human abuse secret, and to create silent hostages that were never taught how to be the person they wanted to be. For these abusers were older, supposedly wiser, more skillful, and more experienced about the world and living to survive life. Their ways were the only option given. You had no choices.
You dare never seek to become your own individual respectful person - for surely if you did - you would be an outcast for betraying their primary beliefs, religions, and the family social order of hierarchy structure of life. This was not just the paternal side of family but this was also the maternal family as well. As a child, teenager and trying to break into adulthood, this gal had a lot of healthy and mature learning to do on her own if she ever hoped to move beyond the dysfunctional and medical repercussions that these immature and unhealthy experiences of her life had taught and been disciplined into her about the word of respect.
This person was me. I learned to respect other people without regards to their financial, economical, geographical or social hierarchy positions. For me personally, it was treating them all as the individual they deserved to be treated as and accepting them what I could depending on the lifestyle differences especially that of abuse or illegal substance abuse for those who choose to conceal their pain with unhealthy habits instead of getting the help they needed. But I sought to produce acceptance into others that I was seeking to find and restore my own respectful entities that I never had.
I never knew the unconditionally loving words of: I love you. I am proud of you. You are very good at this. You are very good at that. I was never told that respectful people follow the law, do not lie to those they love, do not seek to harm others who harm you or even that respect was a word that I could apply and use in my life to protect my life and add personal value to myself.
I matured and grew through my adult life to gain this. It was a having a wonderful support system and individuals I looked too who did respect their self and their life that I finally was able to find my respectful footing in life and even apply healthier skills and learning so that I was able and still am learning to build new upon the old of my life.
But as a growing child and teenager who needs their words and actions to build them up to produce their own individuality - it would never come from family and still never have. For nothing good would ever come from them without me doing something for their benefit first. Was that way the whole time I was submissive and trapped to my genetic family.
I have only reconciled with distant family members who were not present during my youth that have helped me to grow my identity and individuality because of the advocacy work I have done to prevent and increase child abuse as an adult. Which is ironic the reunion we gained from this , but it was in finding my own values, boundaries, and what I wanted of Respect definition and application in my life personally that I was able to define who I am. That I was able to find lawful and moral people who helped me as much as I ever could help them. That I was able to find family that I never knew existed. Even if I tried and failed, I would try.
I learned or survived along time ago in my experiences that life is like walking like a toddler every day. A toddler will wobble, fall down, face plant in slides on the floor; and depending on how witnesses react - they will stand back up with out a tear or they will merely cry out, not in pain but that of embarrassment and need a little coaxing of comfort to get right back up until they do it again. For their wobble stages of walking barefoot and with shoes will take some time to master. But for each time they fall, they will rise and keep right on going with a resilience and persistence that they never give. I figured even if I try and fail or my techniques of assisting others were questioned or not easily understood - that as long as I tried to get actively get involved with the unfairness or unlawfulness or immoral I have experienced in my life; that I may not get the primary reward to see immediate progression but if my efforts would benefit another down the line of time to have a safer, more secure, protective and equal opportunity for production; I'd always stand. I have and will never give up to do what I need to in learning to build new upon the old of myself and to keep standing to help others who need some one to look out for them and speak up for them.
Factually - this is what the dictionary states about Respect from: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/respect.
- To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem
- To avoid violation of or interference with
- A feeling of appreciative
- Willingness to show consideration or appreciation
- A detail, point, or characteristic; particular
- To show consideration for; treat courteously or kindly proper acceptance or courtesy
Many people fail one another in time because respect has been neglected in each individual. What may start out only as a small or mild problem of feeling disrespected will surely increase into mounds of problems and troubles when respect if failed to be adhered as a primary value upon each individual person's life.
When a person isn't respected and valued, they are individually invalidated. The words to judge them, critize them and belittle them does tear down the esteem of who they are. They feel they are not as important as some one else. They feel they are being taken for granted and will never be good enough. They feel that the situation is only getting worse and that no end of relief is in sight.
Whether the issues arises from finances, harmful addictions, economics, geography, selfishness, being a bully or just by being a rude, cruel, mean person. What ever causes these problems of the ability to respect self and respect others; it produces destruction and devastation with individuals in family units, friendships, and in relationships of partners or marriage and with the off springs that relationships and careless prevention to sex produces too.
Even parents can be detrimentally terrible leaders when it comes placing and shaping individual value upon their children or teenagers. For many want their children or teenagers to become as they want them to be. To a degree based upon parental experience of life - this is healthy to keep a child and teenager safe. But to an unhealthy, unrealistic and immature view or lack of knowledge on the parent's behalf - it only decreases the self-value and self-esteem that a child or teenager produces in their self worth because of how their parents render them or teach them to be.
I have witnessed more in my lifetime than anyone could imagine. The stories shared with me. The many tears of others who I comforted and supported against all odds of loyalty to them and respect for them; that if my life ended today - I know the progression steps I have taken as much into adulthood as I ever did as a child or teenager. These experiences of sharing with others about abuse, pain, trauma, addictions, and crimes has taught me alot of how much of my own work I have had to do in personal maturing and learning new mature and healthier skills to assist others to make up for what I never got long ago. To build upon the old of myself.
In learning, sharing, and continuing to grow myself - I am making my own self-respect that is actually producing more peaceful, serene, and a respectful environment all around me. For I still get disrespected every day in my home. Being in a marriage or as parent of a teenager; disrespect is a factual daily occurrence for most. It will never be equal sharing of respect. But it does come down to a checks and balance system of respect.
To know what battles of respect are worth fighting for or trying to correct and which ones to let go of when sharing space with anyone or even with dealing with difficult people. Keeping a focus on the bigger picture or larger goal you are hoping to achieve helps alot too when dealing with the same people or difficult people every single day too. Taking the mature and healthier road to create solutions, compromises and treating each person equal and as an individual person helps alot too. For even if they deny the respect you seek - as long as you are happy or content with what you are doing; no one can really disrespect you without your consent to get emotionally upset or thought filled of frustration. Let it be or let them go.
Respect is a word taught by many superior to another. Whether in age, employment title, hierarchy of religion or politics or families - it happens - when it should not. For to receive respect, one must earn it by the actions they extend to others. If you are not willing to be kind, nice and mature to others; then do not demand them to be in compliance with you. Even if you eat crow to be fair and simple in respectful matters; what you do will come back to you as a reward. So go on and try to be respectful to yourself and extend to others.
Humans do complicate many things about living and surviving life that it is amazing that any one finds a true, natural, centered balance of contentment and happiness. But these goals are worth achieving and extending to share with others as well as receiving them for your self.
Respect presents one fact of truth that if you do not respect yourself - how can possibly give it to others; when you do not know or will not place this value upon your mirror reflection of self? What respectful person of yourself were you a year ago? What respectful person of yourself are you now? There is where your work of progression is waiting for you too.
No comments:
Post a Comment