When socializing with family or friends, partners, or those you love or admire - the words - "option" or "choice" rarely ever come to mind to factually describe the active or inactive role that people do in our lives. Perhaps, these words do need to be more actively viewed to help build the life you want with others instead of merely accepting a come what may second class seat to them.
Usually when it comes to describing without judging the facts in any relationship that we have with each individual person in our lives - most generally are loyal to family, children, partners, and those closest to them, even when, they are unhappy, not satisfied, not of common bond nor sharing anymore. The worst of all that gets produced when you are only an option and not a choice is that you do not feel loved by those around you.
Many family units are not healthy, happy, productive, motivating, encouraging, supportive, nor factually equipped to deal with one another in experiences they face nor are they maturely qualified to make the best decisions, choices or options for one another. Many times, dependency will breed as a silent destructive tool in relationships and family kin ships. Dependency will enable bad habits or addictions to become worse because someone will rescue their faults or problems without ever helping them to solve their problems or issues.
One person constantly or repeatedly continues to make the same mistake. They say they will change. They say they will quit doing what they are doing. They say they will try to do better.
But at the end of the day, they are waiting for you or another close to them to solve their problems, give them money upon their repeated irresponsible spending methods, borrowing for their addictions or keeping you on speed dial as their solution to a temporary problem instead of speaking to you like an individual human being first. They fail to see the larger picture of a problem. Instead they use a temporary problem to get you to solve so they can dodge the real issues that keep getting repeated in their life.
The facts of Option and Choice are listed as follows courtesy of http://www.thefreedictionary.com:
Option -
- The act of choosing; choice
- The power or freedom to choose
- Something chosen or available as a choice
- the power or liberty to choose
Choice -
- The act of choosing; selection
- The power, right, or liberty to choose; option
- One that is chosen
- Appealing to refined taste
- a person or thing chosen or that may be chosen
How does options apply to describing people in your life without judging? Is a person treating you as you want to be treated? Are they allowing you to choose your own freedom to become or be who you want? Do they support you and stand by you loyally to do everything you need in life or are they always there when only the sky falls upon them? Do you treat them as they deserve to be treated? Do you feel that mutual respect, generosity, kindness and comfort of support is equally given from others in your life as you extend to them? Do you feel understood by those in your life? Do you think they feel understood by you and how you actively participate in their life?
What about choices? Do you give others the respect of the choices they make in their life? Do you do all the hard stuff for them when they get in a bind to sacrifice or compromise yourself or your resources to bail them out repeatedly? Do you feel as if you are only getting used constantly by some people? Do you treat others only as a option in your life when you need something from them without making them validated as an individual person to enjoy the good days and bad days of life with them?
Options and choices are individual words with different actions when solving difficult problems with others who we care for. In learning options and choices about people - one has to be aware of these words when dealing with others to create a life to share with others who will be there for you as you are for them. When people only take from you all the time; you will find yourself with nothing else to give to them nor have any resources for yourself. So knowing how to be aware that you do have options and choices when dealing with difficult people can help you go a long way in ending the constant difficulties and problem creators of your life who are not problem solvers.
A Person I Used to Know could write a novel of the experiences of her life based completely upon two words - options and choices and how these words have been beneficial strength in her life and how they were detrimental. The illustrations of examples of what to do and not to do would be a word extensive story about roles of people in her life along with the cause and effect of each of these words and how they were applied in her life and she did not have a clue how. All she knew what that she would keep trying no matter how long it took and for every time she would make a mistake and fall down - she'd get right back up and keeping learning how to progress and not to regress as the examples of her young life presented to her that many did around her. This person was me.
Options and choices were not words that I was born of liberty to use in my genetic family. There was only submission and no freedom to be an individual. For they chose what her options or choices would be. All she could do was to use this experience and learn how to make it better for herself and keep trying to gain the life she wanted and needed and deserved.
Trauma abusers do this to their victims. Victims tend to never know that they can have choices and options they can apply in their life.
But very few victims or survivors ever get experience, freedom, liberty, and are able to learn and mature to understand that they do not have to settle in life - as only a victim or a mere survivor.
For their abusers, especially in families, becomes the only familiar they know. For strangers seemingly first appear to be even more unkind, misunderstanding and less compassionate than the dysfunctional harm they come from. The psychological or emotional void is familiar with abusive families or people of abuse - like them.
These socializing survival and victim skills become a silent society of facts that most victims or survivors will tend to cling to others like them - because they know them better than they know their self alot of time or they use their strengths of others who have successfully moved on to learn how. But many more will stay and fall into the never ending cycle of abuse or with the familiarity of the harm others produced in them. They never self-accept so they go with submission. They never learn that options and choices can be for them too.
The majority in society who are not aware of abuse, trauma, and human abuses that are done to others - are truly clueless, ill equipped, immature, and even cold of a sincere nature to help assist others who are completely different than they are. It's easier to believe that people will not be mean to one another than it is to admit these huge problems exists and the problems that escalate from it.
As a victim and a survivor who is moving on from my own traumatic experiences, I have learned alot. More than any one person should have to know personally as surviving and more than anyone one person should have to do to live. But I am not alone. I am also not the same person I was even a year ago nor a decade ago nor ten years ago.
I consider myself an orphan now from my family. I choose to let those go from my life who only know and choose abuse, problems without solving, immaturity and unhealthiness as their way of life.
I could always be an option to them, anytime I want and be accepted in my family again - if I adhere to the rules of their family defining.
To do as they say. Believe as they do. Practice their dysfunctional immorality and unlawfulness. All I'd have to do is accept their views about myself as the problem for the choices I made to get out of that and submit to them with an apology to be reunited.
What part of any of this sounds logical, rational, or like a good idea or experience? But it was what my individual experiences presented to me. It is my options of choice to keep family or let them go. What would you do? I choose what I needed for myself and have never regretted leaving them all behind. For I found that not all strangers are cold, fearing or ill motive people. I learned that I can help myself and love and even respect myself for the choices I have made to progress my life. Because I defined and stood up for my self - I helped myself in these massive problems. I am able to treat my daughter as the individual she deserves to be and be there for her. I am able to motivate and encourage others to seek help and become aware of two words in their life. Options and choices and how to apply a progressive way in their life regardless of what their problems maybe as well.
Who have you had in your life that is no longer in your life now? Were they a choice you made to leave them behind? Were you only serving as an option in their life when they needed you and when you quit filling their need - they left you?
Dealing with people will always be stressful, whether it is family or friends or associates at work or classmates in school. But the quicker you mature and learn how to actively use the words of: Choice and Options in your life to factually define how others treat you or accept you in your life - then you can move forward past those who hold you down or hold you back to find those who will never treat you an option but an honest to gracious choice.
To give you those emotional feelings of who you are and how you want to be treated while you give the same equally to them. No relationship will ever be perfect. Problems will arise. Problems will be solved and subside to come and go. Problems do not have to become a way of life - individual choice allows this - nothing else.
In sharing a common bond to the same focus of being problem solvers and not problem creators can go a long way in decreasing harmful stresses, mania, anxiety, and worrisome problems that will never cease to end.
Choices and options awareness will give you courage to do what you may fear to do. These words will help you to factually define the active roles that others do in your life. Use facts to describe others by the actions they do. Do not base your judgments upon others by their words but by their actions. If they are a thief - call them a thief. If they are a liar by the words they say versus the actions they do, call them a liar. If they are a criminal, call them a criminal. Describe without judging takes new skills. Judging is immature when making hurtful words without detailing the complete actions of what people do in your life. You will not keep getting used by anyone if you realize what they are doing to you and be strong to accept it and then effectively doing something about it.
If you spend more time picking up a phone or reaching out to others than what they reach you for you - you will know where you stand on their valued people list in life.
The Person You Used to Know should not be the same person you are now. If you are - then you are depriving your own life of how you should be treated and stopping your self from being who or what you want you in life.
Evolution of science of the human species details a transformation from apes or a monkey to human form that we have now.
Personally, I am skeptic about the facts that have long plagued history books and scientific data as this. However, with that said, you have to wonder why evolution of human beings has seemed to come to a cease nowadays. Where problems are the persistent and resilient headlines? Where people use each other as weapons against one another to provoke and produce pain and emotional deprivation?
A time where human beings have forgotten our own roots of purpose of how to live and survive in a world of our own equal human kingdom together that individually - we have taken self for granted and taken each other for granted along the way.
There is no hierarchy of the human race and there never was. Those who believe that social hierarchy exists are problem creators and not problem solvers. To stop problems, individuals must first admit problems exist and then be brave enough, self-secured and defined in who they are, and be progressive to keep solving problems and walking on to the next one you meet.
For every problematic human being or difficult person out there - there is a choice and an option of what to do with them. Until you are able to individually manifest the life you want with others - nothing will change.
We will keep being just a pile of people walking upright and appearing ten foot tall while really inside - each is only as a hunched-over furry-back creature that we were in the day of monkey evolution.
Is that what any of us deserve? Is that really what we survive and live for? Quotes to think about as only you can.
You treated me like an option so I left you like a choice. - Unknown
If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you will miss finding someone who treats you like a priority. - Unknown
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