What Do You Escape From?

A Person I Use to Know never used the word, escape, in life. Even though, escape was not really possible for this minor aged girl who was living out a traumatic story where healthy assistance was not readily available to her - she never lost her silent dialectal hope, that one day - she would escape all the pain, heartache and trauma of her heart, gain new health, and grieve the unhealthy mind deposits produced by the unhealthiness of other's actions that were enforced upon her. For their ways were a culture of unhealthy heritage that she completely felt helpless too and for a long time, there was no effectiveness to solve the deepest of her problems.

Now as an adult looking back, this minor aged girl, shares how it was me looking back upon that Person I Use to Know as a victim and survivor in myself. I realize that I have escaped. 

Not without scars and internal wounds of medical damage - but escaped none the less. For wounds and even invisible scars, I do believe can be healed and controlled in a healthier manner through obtaining new skills.

Those of us who do have these invisible scars or wounds medically, emotionally or psychologically done to us by the traumas of circumstances and others - do indeed know the factual tortures of secretly wanting to escape the unhealthy realities we lived in and survived through. 

We know the depths of how far pain, hurt, and scars can travel within the human body and brain. We are testaments to what resilience, endurance, and constant persistence is to overcome the tragedies of our own lives to continue on - past the escapes that trauma gives us.

Many individuals in society, though different, in their escape tactics or individual motivations for escapes too - endure many of the same characteristic traits but in a different manner. But escape binds us all. Every one wants to get out of something. Most won't see it as such, but think about it.

Many choose to read the life of another or creations of another for their escape. Stories in a book to escape or get a break from their reality in a movie. For some, it is truly just a joy as a hobby. 

But for many more, by using methods as a book, movie, hobby, sports or even creativity - is to fulfill in self of that which they are deprived of every day in the comfort of their own life or companionship of their immediate life.

It has been said by many in my experiences of life, that many enjoy or look forward to going to work every day. For the break - they get a work, gives them a focus away from the money or financial troubles or rendering children or continual debate of serious matters with their family or partners at home. To keep up the routine of this, keeps the monotony of their home life and their work in balance for them self or so they keep telling them self that so they can stay or contemptly cope. For change is not motivation to them but instead fear keeps them where they are for even in unhappiness, comfort and familiar of routine is easier to handle than changing what it is. Very few will venture on with change and adaptability of the facts of their life. Most simply escape daily in the devices of their choice. For the comfort of familiar is stronger in them than the uncertainty to move on.

They can go to work putting on a show of what they want others to believe about them and then return home to be something or someone different. Closets live in most individuals - more than the general population will be honest or factual about. 

It's easier to walk around in a closet atmosphere submerged with those who fashion as we or speak the same languages of comfort that we do - than to admit that cobwebs reside in each of us and in every one we meet. 

We seek to do this with familiar company than to be honest or factual. We fear and speculate or assume the worst - if we did anything different when in fact, we deprive self and all those around us by the silent desires to escape instead of facing what ever it is that we do not like about self or our lives.

To escape something or even obtain a moment's break, for our individual self, is what we all seek and try to do every day. Even in - what appears as the best or healthiest quality of life with all the comforts of luxuries that money could buy - that person too - is trying to escape something. 

Whether it be the stresses of their jobs or their inabilities to go out in public unrecognized as celebrities or social public figures wish they could do - at the heart and conscience of each of us - is our closets, our skeletons, and our wish for more, and the external things we do to achieve that break of escape.

The one person that we could talk to about anything who makes us feel like a visual and emotional extension of our self. The person that can literally read our minds before the words touch our lips to give audio validity too. The person who can know by the expressions of our facial expressions what we are enduring with no words spoken. The one person who can lovingly fulfill our core of human sharing pleasures that should never be touched upon with this kind of personal intensity and that kind of depth. Indeed, we all have those escapes - we are running from and those wishes that we dream that will never become true.

Human beings are becoming a species of machinery to me - now in learning all that I am. I accept the validity of these lessons of science, medical, and even religious overtones of Buddhism to contribute to the effectiveness of this therapy but also makes for healthy good common sense for those who wish to believe and effectiveness to gain core healthiness.

The emotional information and factual applications of emotion uses do serve us as tools that need skillful purpose and focus to assist humans in their quest to achieve and be as healthy as they want to be. 

Many times, instead of learning or accepting life in a healthy or unhealthy nature and nurture premise, we escape into the fantasy, hopes, truth, misplaced trusts, and false illusions. 

But the unhealthy and self-provocations of unconscious and ignorance of our perceptions done to us is damaging and very unhealthy. 

We seek to escape the facts or fail to understand our own psyche and face self. Instead - we tend to create and continue on the comfort and familiar of our own personal and individual perceptions that our individual history of: circumstances, experiences and thoughts have taught to us. We seek to escape - but the person or things we use to escape from - is really just the person staring at us in our mirror reflections.

Think about it. Heritage and genetics determine what color our eyes will be - what color and texture our hair will be and even to a degree what our medical folder will consist of before we are birthed with the first touch of oxygen to fill our lungs before we cry. 

Then it is through the nature and nurture of our learning with parental or adult guidance of their biased and beliefs that become our own. 

Then as legality is upon us as adults to function and perform or contribute into society as a one but yet unison community where your efforts will contribute or detriment the survival or devastation of the whole of your career choice - you are expected to balanced, perform, and sustain. 

How many successfully can say they do this without escaping or running away from something? How many successfully say they can achieve and completely be happy and feel healthy with the 5 senses of the corners of their minds or silent thoughts? How many can sit in silence and appreciate the simplicity of the healthy life it gives? How many can be still long enough to feel, hear, and admire the beats of their heart that give them life? How many can look at their hands, face, and body and really admire the visual presence before them with respect? How many more can really answer the personal values of their own healthy or unhealthy qualities? Not just the visual or the obvious but completely, internally, and with emotional facts and psychological honesty? How many even care to venture that road less traveled or a mission that is so abstract?

For when you go to a medical doctor, it is about vitals, blood pressure, blood chemical levels, and visual appearance of healthy or unhealthy. Never it is a questionnaire of your emotional well-being, a numerical rating of how you feel and a rating you would give of the quality of your life or how you control or mismanage the medical conditions you are aware of. Why is their no healthy or unhealthy questions about all that makes up a human being with a doctor? Why must referrals to this experts or that expert be given when in fact, the only expert of healthy or unhealthy of your life reside in you and will die with you by the choices and skillfulness you have or that which you fail to believe in or try?

For the bible and religions speak about an impossible concept of being born again as a little child would. Physically or visually and even genetically, this is never possible nor could be. Only those who speak of religion or being born again can say they are repentant of their sins and have a new mission in life or new beliefs that change who they are. More often than not, religion has been used to conceal, cover-up and discreetly hide the mistakes, errors, and crimes. 

Even without being a religious person or believing in any concept as "born again," what if life is really about becoming an adult and then seeking answers to our most personal questions or individual circumstances that no other can truthfully answer for us but self. What if our answers or effective solutions are waiting patiently in self when we are ready to be honest with no one else but our self first? What if the healthy or unhealthiness of self is the direct result of ignorance and simple failure to learn as we grow older or a failure to become self motivated in life to achieve the healthy or unhealthy we desire - interally and externally?

What if the unhealthy or healthiness of our self is there with us all along but we haven't found the time or made the time to pursue it for our self because we have been accustomed to staying so busy to doing what social order or others adviseof what we should be doing, when in fact, all we should be doing is making sure we are taking care of our self the whole time and seeking to learn from and give healthy alter to the heritage, biased, and genetics of our life and then proceed forward in who or what we want to be.

So much of life is a cause and effect where logic, rational, and reasonable ideology does not reside nor is guided in each of us how to find it, embrace it, learn from it and grow from it. 

Instead, we all are marching in a human race where as individuals we rub elbows together and nothing more. For each of us are present in visuals but our minds, thoughts, emotions, and existence is to create an escape from something we feel powerless or unable to escape from or do not want too.

Joys can be produced by the stillness, peacefulness, serenity, of fulfilling personal desires but only if a person first believes and wants to choose this for their way of life. But how many can really accept that this desire begins and ends first with self? That no external devices are truly needed or that no book can be read to give you - what you long you seek or that no high exists - that you can not find, create, and learn to grow in yourself.

Have we really all become so advanced in the devices and luxuries of escape around us that we have too escaped our self and the healthy or unhealthiness addressing of our own individual core? 

Have we really focused the health we did have at one time to make future way to the unhealthiness of our productions? As if we are all silent contributors to our self but yet loud, boastful, prideful, and external visually appealing machines that lacks a core that is more than merely a machine or a factory of chemicals and electrical impulses but we have accepted others desires and health for our self than what we care to even reveal and understand in our self first?

Philosophy is indeed - a great topic and subject matter to read upon - if you want to learn or gain knowledge as your escape to not only better understand - but to gain a healthier core in yourself. 

For these professionals do not give explanations into the science, medical or genetics of the core of a person or people as a social community but instead focuses on the individual core of solving answers to one's own question without external stimuli. It does help a person to escape to self, if you will, when reading on these topics produced about human beings.

John Locke quoted it best of all I have yet read,"I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts."

For in day that he wrote this quote, women were merely servants to their children and husbands and not as social contributions of equality back then. But I think it really speaks about all genders in the human race. Actions will always speak louder than words.

I have given as many questions for readers to ask of them self - as I have clearly assisted in helping anyone to answer their most secretive or problematic issues. 

But in provoking thoughts to others, that they can answer - perhaps, they'll learn or be honest with self to find the effective solutions they need in their life as I am doing my own life.

I can not give you facts of your life to see, believe and understand them - just as you can not do mine for me. 

We all have wonderful intentions in helping to assist others but we will always do as much damage of unhealthiness to them as they do to us. For inside the body and brain are mechanics that perform functions differently in each of us. Our perceptions, thoughts, emotions, and interpretations of what we live and survive are to each their own defining or escapes from or to grow skillfulling new traits and learn from to apply to the factual lessons and information of our own lives.

It's a sad hard truth that even with science and medical advancements; the health we pay to seek could reside in each of us all along - but until we open our minds or hearts to explore the possibilities of skills that do exist that we could learn from and grow healthy from - we are only stationary trees waiting for others to pour water into us to give us life - when indeed - the only person that holds the watering can of life is self. Enlightening. Inquisitive. Personally Fulfilled.

Individual Interpretation of Gloom Recedes Darkness or Produces Light

Individual Interpretation of Gloom Recedes Darkness or Produces Light

A Person I Use to Know would sporadically and hysterically throw the biggest tearful fits of crying while giving vocal audio of muffled and barely comprehensible verbal absurdities of an individual emotional overload - as if the sky was falling.

Every day, the sky would be falling in gloom about something - it was always about something or some one that did something to her or triggers of seizures or PTSD in her life. 

If someone said a comment to her that she did not like - then it was automatically flipped into something more of personal assumption than the factual case of the words spoken.

It didn't matter to her - if facts could be presented for it was still the fault of others to blame and nothing was ever because of her good or her bad contributions in her mind. But it was every one else that tripped her up emotionally.

She unhealthy interacted with others and her own psyche for years as the same old and only that she knew - every thing became either a really sweet slice of cake from interactions with others or it became the poison introduced in her blood, veins and emotions that were every one's else fault but her own.

Geography was to blame. Economics was to blame. Finances were to blame. Cause and effect were to blame. But it was never actions and choices she had done that were to blame.

This person of gloom I speak about of A Person Used to Know was yours truly.

The verbal spoken health about a human being can speak an introduction of falseness and create immediate bias about a person before we even take the time or allow time to reveal their actions of character to us.

It is easier to stay away or not allow ourselves the experiences of others - who are different than us - to enter our lives of comfort, safety, stability and luxuries. It is more difficult and harder to allow ourselves to be susceptible by those who are different that us or open our self up for new knowledge we could potentially gain from the experiences about a life different than our own.

I guess - since we are all our own individual experts anyways - why allow anyone else to question the genius in ourselves right?

Comfort, stability, and safe protected lives is what most of us want. What most of us hope to achieve. What most go to work every day for. To achieve, accomplish and enjoy invisible walls around them that will allow no other but those of their kindred kind in.

It's just easier. Though these lives of personal desires and fulfill do not really produce logical and rational sense - but most would believe it to be as so - and live as so.

Experience is the foundation stitch that binds the threads of knowledge together.

To know the origin or creation of a problem is to learn how to eradicate the problem by knowing and learning the root of it. Learning how it grew. Then learning new ways or new skills to stop the devastation that prevent effective resolution.

To stop the harm, hurt, painful and constant isolation of separate unities created by a one track mind or one track lifestyle - if you will. These invisible walls we build around us - not only will actually hinder our lives -  but they can make us as unhealthy as anything we will ever be subjected to externally. It is unhealthy to live in a bubble that many of us choose to create and stay into.

Our thoughts will become a bubble. Our interpretations are of the same ingredients we have always known. Our emotions are handled in the same way they always been. We accept our self and verbally display and try to defend giving validity to who we are and in being true to our self by living in the bubbles of our creations - we deny our self growth.

We squander in the gloom of our submissions of the bubble life we merely accept. Putting off the social problems and issues that affect us all by waiting upon the next generation to figure it out or the next brave soul with strength or some one who lacks conformity to come along to save us all.
The next election will do it. The next CEO will do it. The next President will make it all better. Wrong.

The bubble that bursts from the highest of anarchy to the lowest of dysfunction will break us all. Spewing its once invisible ingredients upon all of us. The afflictions that once was only their demographic creation will become the contagious disease that spreads to every one. This once contained gloom will now become the gloom that affects someone you know or someone you knew or even now, a reality in your own once secured bubble.

Gloom is a funny word to me now but not long ago of the Person I Use to Know - it was not.

I find it a funny word and emotion now through learning. For gloom when used in a Reasonable context versus Emotional description to give a name to its once first glance of desolate and voided future emotional content where light or faith can not be seen.

Gloom is an emotion of like being in a train tunnel. You can not see the end of the tunnel. You can not see the steps you have taken behind you. So you might as well just sit there in the horror of your own nightmares and replay continually the same old repeated, broken, unhealthy and destructive cycle as you always have.

It's just easier to do this than feeling for the side of the walls or listening to the depths of the darkness to see if you can hear a bird or rustle of leaves to escape this dark tunnel of gloom - isn't it?

Gloom inspired me to write a poem today. For gloom, can be funny. It's knowing the factual values of information with new skills about emotions in a reasonable and logical entity versus the rippling tears or impulsiveness to react that makes an emotion healthy or unhealthy.

So in writing - I am tweaking all my emotions I learn as a new way to view, perceive and exercise modification of my 5 senses in a healthier manner and even give self acceptance and admittance about my own unhealthy internal practices.

I no longer want to simply claim ignorance as a way of life about anything about myself anymore. I don't want to simply live in my own bubble anymore.

I do not want to be a stranger to myself anymore because I fear or am anxious about admitting the depths of my heart and life to myself. I want and deserve to know myself completely as my own best friend as we all do.

I don't want the most sensitive things of myself to be as a stranger anymore. I don't want to be a stranger to others either. I want to be a healthy example for myself that lives life without these human brain and body internals of mere instinct creating only a survival's unhealthy baggage.

These new emotional learning skills and 5 senses modification are giving that to me so I can be the healthier person internally that I know I can learn to be.

Individual Interpretation of Gloom Recedes Darkness or Produces Light
Oh the Gloom that rains down in the presence of these seconds of trickling darkness,
A visual that sends valid shivers to the spine.
The taste and smell of utter grief is all that can be described,
The gut wrenching and twisting knots to confirm how nothing is or ever was fine.

The willingness to just sit in this visual filth and grotesque mental and emotional shadow of self,
seemed easier to do at the moment,
crying tears of regret, guilt, and shame of a fault that was only personal blame.

By why?
Why did cause and effect of a few choices,
reveal and bare a revelation of true identity?

Why must life be as this?
Why does life continually knock one down - pick one up and knock a person around,
giving ingredients of amenity along the way -
that make the final destination obsolete of serenity?

I choose gloom. Give me my place of murkiness.
Let me squander time away in the loathsome of my creations in my own mind.
Let my emotions take me as hostage to grind.
If I do not care to believe in light or faith,
Why do you dare to try to trespass upon my stalling choice and acceptance of barren fate?

As the dawn peered through the window;
warming rays of sunshine upon her face.
She opened her lethargic eyes bewildered of this dream dialogue.

She had experienced, all within;
gazing around her to be aware of her factual place.

How bizarre she thougth of this personal conversation she whispered in dream -
too intense not to be real-
too unique to ever share-
too misconstrued it did seem.

As she flipped her body to the left side to keep the blinding sun,
out of her eyes;
She could only wonder what this dream of questions and answers meant.

"Oh well! " she verbally stated;
sitting up to put her feet on the floor.
" Didn't matter!" she chuckled;
for work obligations was now daily calling.
She decided she would just venture on as she has always went.

In closing with final thoughts ~
As you were or as you are,
will surely individually determine,
if it'll be enough to take you through life far.

To disrepute one truth or one fact in self is to disallow all validity in self. You can not be a team player in life or an effective leader unless you know and accept the deficiencies or unhealthiness of all qualities and entities in self too.

Just as snakes visually shed their outer layers of skins to allow for new healthy growth and remove harmful parasites of their old skin. Humans do have these abilities to do the same with new knowledge and new healthy skills to achieve the same effective and beneficial qualities internally in self too. To believe a snake sheds for health is to believe that humans and the nature and nurture of our life's circumstances can be shed too.

Snakes are genetically predisposed to this shedding of skin to gain a new healthy. For humans, our internal thoughts, emotions, personal perceptions and individual genetic nature and nurture give way to much of what we are or who we become.

The familiar we know. The experiences we live. The tragedies and traumas we survive that are produced by the unhealthiest of our Homo sapien species. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, or geography are all contributors in our analysis of self by what we define as healthy or unhealthy. Or we merely allow a professional who learned new skills to diagnosis us instead.

Just as a snake sheds the unhealthy of its skin - to a degree - human beings can create a healthier internal atmosphere within self too. Especially after external afflictions or stimuli has sought to invade or produce harm within someone.

If snakes can literally shed their unhealthiness through their skins, then why is it so inconceivable that humans could learn new healthier skills to replenish an unhealthy internal dwelling and achieve a healthier effective atmosphere too. An atmosphere of the human brain and body not to just survive in but to live in a new quality of life after the fact of adverse health conditions or external circumstances done to us adversely? 

Delight in Distraught

Distraught is a difficult emotion. Personally, I have always saw emotions as verbs. Not that they are - but if you think about it - how many emotions does a person have in their life that becomes more than a noun or adjective of description? How many times does an emotion of anger cause one to lash out in physical actions or verbal defensiveness? 

If the mouth speaks based upon an emotion or the body reaches out to release emotions - wouldn't it be fair to say that the only time emotions are only truly that of a noun is on paper in writing? Most could relate or would feel their emotions as only action words but I assume and speculate this.

Tears get produced from crying. Screaming and yelling can come from anger. 

Distraught is an emotion that can become active from many other emotions. The cycle of links that one emotion has to connect to another is a puzzle piece in a larger puzzle configuration in itself. 

For the 8 primary emotions - maybe the primary basics and building blocks to other emotions - but the knowledge to learn about emotions will never end. 

Without even getting into the medical or scientific productions that emotions does internally to a person - emotions act within our conscious consent in the body based upon how we feel to secrete whatever is needed - so we can function to live or merely survive. 

Emotions perhaps, are as important to us - in our daily lives - as our heart beats are or our unconscious brain management that goes on in the human body - if not more so. 

What if the whole fueling system and functioning processes of the human body and brain do begin and end in the engagement and comfort we have internally with our emotions. Like fuel cells of emotions ebing responsible for the overall performance of logical, intellectual and productive values we have internally and expressed externally.

I find this emotional learning and 5 senses healthy modification as a daily enlightening adventure. A daily journey to reach a new healthier destination that I have never known before. 

As if my basic life functions depends on this learning and applying new healthy skills in my life. A gift that I could only be honest to myself about the unhealthiness I did to me - as well as - admitting that I wanted new healthier coping skills for my emotions and 5 senses - but also to hopefully stop the permanent damage done by PTSD.

It's surreal to even attempt to explain. For unless someone feels, knows or believes a diagnosis to be true in them of their unhealthiness - then no one else can believe it for you either. 

I accepted along time ago in my life that life is never as it first appears nor are people. The same is true of problems and the urgent availability of solutions especially medical conditions too. That for each cause that occurs in one's life - it is theirs to choice how to live, respond, react or do nothing but the effects they produce - are theirs. Some are comfortable to just merely accept other's advices, suggestions, ideas and words to apply to their own immediate life.

I am a 33% extrovert and enjoy being around other people. By nature and nurture, I am also a personality of 50% Emotions. 

In learning, I have clung to being solo and in solitude - coming out only to share something that few will get but for those who do get it - I am sure this will benefit their lives in a more healthy way. 

For what one shares or does seek to give without fear of repercussions or negative feedback - some one else will and can benefit. Just because one person took the time to give something unheard of, unspoken of before, or undiscovered before - does not mean that it was not created or shared for those who do understand to get it. Sharing says more about life and what we do and do not do than anything else about us that we attempt daily.

I can only imagine through out history that anyone who leaped off of the bridge of a normal or social acceptance that they faced many individuals who acted as brick walls. 

An idea of new or different or not easily accepted or welcomed have always existed and will exist for any one who steps outside the circle of social function or accepted practices. 

But it is through history - that we have learned of those who were isolated, out casts and even right down miserable upon this Earth because they dared to be different or unique and had a vision for them self that they cared enough to share or explored development of. Unhappy people back then due to public persecution or falsely places misunderstanding of assets that we benefit from today. It is a shame that people we admired from long ago and the skills or traits they gave us that we use every day now - lived and suffered horribly because of the social and general misunderstandings that went around and still do to any one who dare to be true to self without fear.

In learning about emotions, DBT therapy and learning how to tweak my own personal life and my 5 senses healthy modification - I am finding a new life that I never knew could be medically possible.

The silent triggers are very obvious to the millions of individuals who suffer from PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder causes the complete internal system of a person to become medically and chemically altered. 

The price to pay for survival for any victim of traumatic experience is PTSD. This kind of internal software operation system is programmed into us by harmful and unhealthy circumstances but is not hard wired into us. 

For software can be reprogrammed into a computer to make it function properly but hardware can not be and can only be transplanted in and out and wired as such. 

I do believe that PTSD can be undone but it will take new healthier skills and personal dedication to over ride the software programming done to a person by the direct results of trauma. By attempting to learn and gain new healthier perceptions, interpretations and learning how to be safe in one's own body - as well as - safe in the world around them. To learn to gain a status of comfort and new interactions of protection within one's self and with the 5 senses that can only be gained through learning new skills, applying new knowledge of emotional understanding and personally teaching the 5 senses and the brain and body a mindfulness and presentness that trauma does take away from an individual who survives trauma. What the brain and body must do when the software of PTSD is activated in a person of trauma - one must deprogram this effective for survival effect in the body but reprogram it in a healthier way to counteract the software trip that served survival but compromises every day living now away from the trauma.

If traumatic experiences could be viewed as survival software in the human body and brain as switches that only come on during traumatic experiences then why new knowledge in the human brain, body and conscious be reprogrammed to flip them back off? Of all I have read about PTSD - it is getting into the symatetics of the human brain and body of science to prove PTSD exists. But until science and medicine gain even their new perceptions on disorders that have been around practically forever - then nothing will change for the patients.

PTSD does produce horrific and horrible imbalance in the body and brain and it can feel insane - in a sense - like betrayal. Your brain and your body did help you survive trauma but the remaining malfunctions are not a fair nor a comfortable price to live life after surviving any horrible ordeal. 

It should not have to be this way and perhaps, it does not have to be. I can only speak and share as a civilian who obtained PTSD through traumatic abuse as a child. Avoidance is the key answer for those who feel that they are safe, comfortable and content with their quality of life and to prevent harm to others because of PTSD instability and triggers escalating symptoms.

For me, avoidance only escalated the despair I have felt. The distraught emotions and life circumstances I had to face and contend with me of this mind boggling physical, mental and emotional disorder of PTSD was not something I could handle nor was satisfactory in accepting. 

Convulsive eizures were easier to cope with and survive with - for me - than this of PTSD. I didn't want to give the survival I endured anymore control than it had already played in my life.

The medical unhealthiness that one faces as a child of traumatic abuse is a hard topic to understand - unless you are a survivor or a professional who studies the research and the medical cause and effects of this social truth that impacts millions. 

The internal unhealthy self dialogues a child victim does appears to become a lifelong common effect that many victims do. Perhaps - this internal dialogue is the only saving grace that a solo scared victim of child abuse has to cling too. 

But when that child grows up without having found effective therapy, healthy coping skills or knowledgable intervention that works - the medical damage continues to occur to the internal brain and the body's chemistry output by practicing the same old unhealthy responses. An internal effect that a victim does internal with thoughts, ideas and surviving to live. A very hard factor for any victim to break or admit too. But I believe to counteract this, it does take new healthy skills and professional help. It will also take being brutally honest with self too of your own unhealthiness and healthy aspects from an internal dialogue, perceptions and inpretations of life around you too.

Asking questions instead of merely giving providing solutions or answers could be the beginning steps to do too in unraveling the unhealthy of internal self.

Do you feel pretty or handsome internally and externally? Do you believe compliments that others give you? Do you question your every choice or decision or those around you? Do you have a hard time trusting yourself in all you do or allowing others to get close to you so you can trust them? Do you second guess others constantly? Do you feel as if you are sitting or talking with others but  you are internally a million miles away in thoughts but still able to listen, see, hear, and summarize all around you? Do you even know the sound of peaceful silence in your thoughts or complete stillness in your body except for the beating rhythm of your own heart?

Learning new healthy skills has always been used in various medical attempts to treat different disorders. I have found through years dedicated to my own medical research for my conditions and assisting others in theirs - that primarily - one method will be constructed and used for one disorder without regards to potentially tweaking it to try in another diagnosis. 

Sometimes, it will take decades before one treatment will be attempted and tried upon another disorder. Most of us, who have spent our lives in struggles, medical hardships or diagnosis - get tired, exhausted, and tend to lose hope or accept the quality of life before us in the medical conditions we have. For some conditions, it does sadden me that until science and medicine catches up to the pace of some progressing disorders - nothing different can be done in course of treatment.

But for many mental, emotional, psychological medical conditions - I do believe there is more that a patient can do for them self in order to help them self - even if it is looking in a box for its practical familarity uses and then looking deeper into the box for potential uses it could have. 

Become as an out of the box thinker when researching and learning how to take care of one's self and the medical conditions diagnosed is what I am trying to say.

A few years ago I read a thesis written by Kim Jacks about the Weston State Hospital in WV. Copied from the PDF file - Weston State Hospital was a major mental institution in Weston, West Virginia. This study traces the history of the hospital from its construction in the 1860s to its closing in1994. It was established as the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, and then called the West Virginia Hospital for the Insane from 1863 to 1915.

This thesis is fascinating to read if you like reading of historical aspects of psychology as I do. The history of progression in WV was notable and interesting to read too.

But the patients who spent time in this hospital were self-admitted or isolated against will from family or friends and communities.The treatments and experimentations that have went on with those classified with bizarre, extreme or misunderstood symptoms have always fought the biased and stereotypes of general society and denied social acceptance as a general code of social living. 

I found it remarkable how these individuals that were patients in this hospital were self-sustaining in many ways. Productive in their own rights and taking care of them self while taking care of others similar as they. 

For what society cast off - these individuals sewed, grew gardens, maintained a farm and basic living necessities for survival. 

Even in social acceptance practices today, many citizens could not even do that and they maintain a 9-5 job weekly managing family needs and gaining financial luxuries. But the luxuries and necessities these individuals had and received at this hospital before it's decline of social standards that changed once again - did not only survive and live by the labors of their efforts but they did it together as a community. Using each other's gifts as tools even in their differences. 

They each gave contributions by their own unique roles by the patients who kept the hospital open to their needs and their wants of what society said they couldn't or shouldn't do. Their team efforts not only gave them a community to belong too - but they did what most in family units and relationships of friends could not do. That is work to thrive together and keep a community going in the establishment they resided in together.

There are millions diagnosed every year with medical conditions. Patients rarely are even given the validity that most seek in being understood. To receive effective treatment and to find that doctor that does indeed provide the service to them that they need. 

I have experienced about every kind of hospital, clinic, and VA Center that WV offers. I have witnessed and experienced the best of our state's offerings for various medical needs and even those of others states I have been too. 

But until a patient can become a valid source of information and perhaps, even a resource of validity to symptoms of a medical condition - then perhaps, the medical and scientific world could progress in a more healthy manner - at a faster rate - than that of which science and medicine try to do alone now without sufficient relevancy of input given to the patients. 

Though many would first be scared, apprehensive or even reserved in their biased or lack of experience to be open to something as unique of patients being a source to remedies - but what if? 

What could our possibilities be for medical resolution if individual perceptions and personal evaluations of how we view life and all those in it were more open to learning and understanding? What if a straight line didn't have to straight anymore in medical or science practices to understand the complexities of the human body and brain? What if patients didn't have to stay confided to their space that society says they must stay? What if the valuable information of the key to stopping, preventing and effectively healing or maintaining many ailments of medical conditions could be as simple as taking an addict seriously in their ideas on how to stop addiction or that person who has cancer who smokes illegal pot that goes into remission in valid recovery in an illegal state was listened too or what if mental disorders and PTSD could be trained and given a healthy programming to stop the effects of a trauma that one had to survive at one point of their life but doesn't have too now? Something deep to ponder isn't it. 

Just iamgine if that person of poverty could increase your revenues 10 fold faster than anything of formal education could teach you - wouldn't you listen then and take the advice for financial gain? 

The same answer of yes should be granted about everything we are and everything we hope to be in a civil socializing world too. To discredit the value or validity of one person's experiences is to discredit or devalue our own too. A silent deprivation that cripples and disables us all.

I wrote a poem today as my daily word was distraught. Word playing and rambling and applying these emotional words of vocabulary with short stories, sharing online, and even with poetry creations - will give me my own personal dose of emotional maintaining to see past the sting of shock of any emotion - as it presents itself to me - but also to give me something to pull from as a healthier way to interact, engage and apply healthy to my 5 senses. 

I have heard many say that when they are anxious or having feelings internally of a panic attack that they will count internally and deep breath. I have done this but it never stops it nor lasts. But I am gaining more benefits through taking these 5 senses healthy modification and emotional learnign to keep them in the present and knowing what to call an emotion and how to how it effectively has helped me more than anything I have found. 

Perhaps the unhealthiness of emotions learned and 5 senses altering done through trauma were mingled in this one medical condition known as PTSD. Who knows? But if it works - that is all that I care about with or without approval. 

Just because something may make you nervous, fearful or even worried to do - does not mean - you shouldn't try it. The probability of our greatest fears or worries will never happen nor will happen again to us anyways. 

For me I am finding focus is where it is at. It's about holding focusing. Learning to control that focus. Appreciating the control of focus you have in yourself and enjoy the interactions of others even more. 

I call all this my baby steps of learning right now to be shared upon a screen with others. But this will not always be the case for the more I learn - the more I will apply and the less I will be on this old machine. But here's a poem I wrote for myself about the emotion of distraught. But I got a feeling others would like to find their own peaceful delight in their darkness of distraught too~

Delight in Distraught
As the darkness reveals the star-filled sky, 
I look up smiling admirably of the soft glowing lights on nature's ceiling of fluorescent dye.

The chilling winter breeze then blows a crisp, clean, sniffing whiff,
producing ice cycles in my lungs;
Leaving a refreshing yet tasteful burning delight on the saliva of my tongue.

Not a sound around - as I stood solo outdoors;
with no jacket worn on this mystery feeling night.
My senses reminded me of this insane joy lacking regard to health prevention.
I couldn't help but to laugh and dare a cold or the flu to capture me with their smite.

But after a few minutes - I gave into a moral consent,
of a future doctor bill of something I did not want nor should be needed;
So I touched internally the peacefulness of night's serenity,
walking in thankfulness to the house I proceeded.

Closing the door behind me, absorbing the immediate heat restored in me again,
I recalled the present distraught circumstances - I would now have to face.
But for those precious moments of replenishment outdoors,
they had restored my strengths of focus to effectively resolve with healthy sustain.

Holiday Emotional Awareness

Holidays represent many different emotional meanings to every one. One thing that is a familiar bond that links us all together is how our emotions will increase during the holidays. Some in good emotions. Some in bad emotions. But none the less - our emotions can make or break our holidays and those we know.

I wrote this short story and share resources with others who may need comfort or support during these days of holiday and emotional conflict that can occur for far too many who suffer alone in silence during emotional holidays.

I share to give an awareness to a topic that comes to factual existence in final acts of despair. To prevent is to talk about the factual actions in life. To become aware is to gain knowledge about things not previously known. To save a life could simply be knowing and understanding the factual detrimental symptoms and options of actions and hoping that new knowledge of skills can help you to save yourself - one more time - or the life of someone you love too.

Holidays and Suicide should never be two words or news headlines that makes the media; but to deny this reality - is to deny one's self or another a chance to make it through another holiday.

May effective comfort tools be given to those on the holidays who feel alone, misunderstood or more burdened than they can bear. May our hearts and emotions unite us in our independent celebrations but may we also remember to give and share our lives with those who need us most too.

Personal displeasure grabs the wooden-handled-shiny-metal knife with a swiftness of the right sweaty hand of impulsive action that words could not stop this individual displeasure attempts to receive a final permanent solution.

Swiping with all force of life that a person could give - the flesh is severed on the left wrist veins. The visual of this perfect line could not have been more accurate. No matter how times this individual thought of doing it - there was no turning back and any desire to continue in this life had ended with this displeasurable present moment. There was no tomorrow nor was hope presentably available to believe in something beyond the tragedy felt within.

A conscious choice of action from an unconsciously aware soul that didn't have enough life left to save self again. The only resolution. The only solution. No desire to seek another option to end a conflict created by another anymore. The want-to-end this temporary problem with a permanent resolve was an irrational motion that gave a sense of peace. A serenity provoked by an unlogical emotional answer. A tangible choice of finalization was all that was desired.

For this pain was the last time, this familiar yet uncomfortable would come again. This person refused to cycle this same sting again. Exhaustion and heartache had rushed in for the final time.
For the love that was once perceived as real - was not a healthy shared love - nor had it been in retrospect.  A personal fantasy would die in the grave to lay at rest beside them now. The lies would thrive on devouring - as it always did - without this person to participate in anymore.

It was personally fulfilling to end this pain now,  versus continuing on in the self-admittance of being vulnerable to the afflictions produced by another. For the moral code of standards was never consciously established nor individually developed for this person of life's heartache upon them. Options were limited.

As the right arm plummets to the floor. The blood slowly oozes from the knife opened flesh. Gravity intervenes pulling the wet, reddish-brown warm liquid to soak into the cracks of the pine  hard wood floors taking the conscious soul with it with each passing second.

As the individual draws the final breath gazing - one last time - upon the framed picture of delusional love - it was done. The pain was leaving. What happens now, was no longer the burden of grief to be shared nor cared about anymore for this person.

For their final action of this life was to end something of their major problem that no one else could do. Nor would this person give time - one more chance to intervene into these personal perceptions or individual interpretations of what was large or small of definition anymore.

No more giving chase to real or fake. No more time tested fantasy and illusions. No more venturing for facts and truth. No more partaking and devastation in lies and verbal manipulation anymore. The day ended with peace for one person who could obtain this - in no other way - for them self.

Sad to know that any one suffers so deeply into the corners of their emotions, mind, and heart that they do not desire to be thrown a life vest or life jacket anymore. Even if one was available to give them such a tool to save their life - no one can truly say - that this person of suffering on a life disabling mission - would choose to continue living anymore.

Suicide is painful, difficult and scary for those who are facing this alone. Suicide will also impact all those left behind. If we could ever mend and help others to realize their life will be worth living past the temporary problem they may presently face - perhaps, we would not only save one person - but we'd save our self from the impulsive actions that give sharing consequences in  individuals choices that give us all an emotional effect of life or death dilemmas.

May those who seek to end their life in Suicide, please find it in core to seek and take a helping hand of another waiting and wanting to assist through life difficulties. Suicide does not have to become the only or final option.

To realize that they too are worth living life for. That there is no human life that exists who doesn't want a fast, quick fix to problems too. That awareness be given of how - when it comes down to it - Suicide - is a thought we all have considered.

The only difference between each person about their own Suicidal thoughts is the actions of these thoughts or emotions that is individually chosen to make.

May no life ever be permanently ended by a choice of hast. May no living grief be so extensive that one can not find focus of time and hope in their heart. May we also never lose focus on a belief that though we are all different - internally - we are all the same~

Suicide Hotline - call 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Hotline - http://www.crisistextline.org/textline/?gclid=CMOb47rsgLsCFQpgMgod0nYAkw

Social Threads Sewn by Individuality

A Person I Use to Know was so impulsive, selfish, and absorbed inside with self - that regards were never given to others. They were to an extent but the reality for this person was that they did alot by choice for their own benefit. Though, many others did benefit positively or in a healthier direction because of this person's individual motivation; it did indeed cause unhealthy events and impacts upon another's life. This person was me. Even in the best of intentions I have had in life, being so unhealthy equipped with nature and nurture and the cause and effect of traumatic circumstances - it only fueled the drive to be responsible to others.

I allowed their pain to become my pain. I allowed their goals to become my goals. I allowed their emotions to become my emotions. I allowed their nature and nurture to become my own. Their traumas were also my traumas. On this flip side, their happiness was my happiness. Their joys were mine. Their contentment was mine. I sought so hard in others what I really lacking in myself. By nature and nurture, I have sought to be happy, stable, and balanced in all the trials and triumphs I have ever experienced. But the one thing I was seeking and destroying at the same time for myself and in others - was peace, serenity, and a stillness or calmness that I never had. The unhealthiness of my own internal revictimization from ignorance and unhealthy internal self perceptions and interpretations of life was as damaging to myself as what any one could ever do to me.

It's like someone telling you that you a piece of crap and you believe them. So your choices in life become the driving force of believing you are crap so you chose unhealthy, substance abuse, poor hygiene, or become recluse because you feel like crap or think you look like crap because someone told you that you did - so you choose consciously as such. But the thing is - you do not have to believe anything that anyone tells you unless you feel it is healthy, beneficial and a factual truth about yourself.

People can be very mean, cruel and self-motivating and selfishly driven just as I was and many will say I am not these things but many will say I am too. At the end of our last breath upon Earth - no one will know or feel what it is like to be you; but you. If you do not know who you are completely inside and out by defining your expertise and your deficiencies and able to get over yourself or the words or actions of others - you allow and enable the unhealthiness to continue in yourself.
Just as I did. I could hear people say this or that of actions and emotions of their life about peace, happiness, serenity, and joys but without learning skills for myself and believing that I could obtain it - nothing mattered.

In learning, I am going back into history of books that document the struggles of emotional aspects of humans as well as the understanding of this intellectual perspective of behaviors. The philosophies of emotions and understanding others does help me to better understand my own admitted flaws of history as well. What objectives I hope to obtain and what healthiness I can gain and apply as new in my life. One can never erase their past and the choices made from this past. As a general rule, people will only remember two things about you anyways - how you made them feel and the mistakes you made of things you did for them or did not do for them. That's pretty much it.

These quotes pretty much sum up where I have been and the destination of where I hope to arrive. But continually focusing only the here and now of today. For yesterday's values had their place of lessons even in the mistakes made that I will never be able to seek a healthy resurrection from. But I will have a wiser, more stable and more balanced life and gifts to share with others when I arrive at my final breath. A healthy food for thought can go along way daily in supplementing one's time - energy - resources and to participate with others.

" Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours. No man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience. There cannot be greater rudeness than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse. New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common." - John Locke

I am reading a book that helps to grow my understanding and acceptance of self. I find it amazing how history tells a repeated story in many ways of civilizations that change but yet stay so unhealthy or healthy the same. How new is still viewed as a threat or intimidation upon that of familiar social acceptances. How people do really change but internally of core - stay the same. Only time and documentation of history will reveal if our focus of these entities are a good thing or bad thing. But here is the summary of this book if others, as me, would like to take a poetic literacy journal as I. The journey is truly one like I have never sought to do before. Only time, will prove and give factual effectiveness of what I am doing. But my believes are strong. My motives have never been healthier. For this, I am appreciative to know that even I, can still learn and apply new healthier aspects of my own life and that I am worth it just as anyone else is.

First appearing in 1689 (although dated 1690) with the printed title An Essay Concerning Humane Understanding, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke concerns the foundation of human knowledge and understanding.
Ironic - how this one will tell you how to live your life, this way or that way,  but yet - no one gives regards that you will do what you know. You will accept what you are doing.  That you do deserve respect for what you choose, as we all do. That  you will solo answer for those lessons of your own malice actions with consequences you do based upon your choices that you have to make. Just as we all will. - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Essay_Concerning_Human_Understanding

Life should be a respectful To Each Their Own. But rarely ever is it. For what ever we do or say to one another will impact someone in a healthy or unhealthy way. For whatever their motives, factual and healthy, or lies and unhealthy - consequences will be reaped by both. To say that we can understand is not as easy as it sounds not as validating as it could be. Simplicity is something that most adults tend to lose through the circumstances and choices of our lives. Perhaps, it is the simplicity where peace, serenity, and happiness wait patiently in hiding until we realize that these assets could be ours too when we give validity to our own wants, needs, desires and serve personal mission of healthiness to self first before we can begin to give these entities to others. Who knows. But I respect to each their own. Whether I am a part of their life or the sharing they do or assisting in the mission of their goals or simply supporting them through another struggling obstacle. It will all be OK either way.

For your destiny will change and your objectives, just as mine will. We do not have to be friends or family with every one. But to ever hope to gain an equal, civilized and moral lawful society - one must believe that these entities can exist in their self first.

The Silence of Emotional Dismay

A Person I Use to Know peers back into the emotional evaluation of their life. The many emotional deposits and withdrawals that were made that impacted them to the life they have now. 

They find their net value or esteem of these emotional interpretations and perceptions of self. They find the importance of analyzing and evaluating from time to time - with emotional self of expressive memories and actions embarked upon that was shared with others. 

This Person I Use to Know is me. I still capture and evaluate many aspects of my life. Birthdays, holidays, celebrations and even the passing of those who were in my life who have now been laid to rest. For I have always found the motivation to proceed forward through all circumstances by accepting, acknowledging and appreciating the life I have lived so far. I feel this important quality is something that every one should do.

To know and become familiar in learning to like the Person I Use to Know in self; is a quality that could benefit others as well too. That's why I share all this.  

For these beneficial traits and reflections I do have, did contribute and helped me find healthy answers to my life and motivation to continue in life - when at times the circumstances were so overwhelming that I only truly had myself to rely on and what my own imagination could think of or my fearless techniques to call upon to find what I needed to create solutions for me.

To become aware of: where we have been, where we have stood, where we have fell, and how we keep getting right back up is a personal motivation in self that only each individual can give their individuality to achieve and obtain for their own personal beliefs. To validate and appreciate who you are. These positive entities become so valuable that no circumstances can take them away either.

In summaries, projections, and analogies of our own life and self; it is there where we will find our peace or our torment. It basically comes down to healthy or unhealthy. No shame in that. 

The only shame that can ever come in a person's life is by denying their self the mirror ability to be true to self in every aspect that a human being is and can be. To lose out on life due to one's own denial, ignorance or failure to accept and appreciate self is still the greatest living and breathing suicide of internal potential that one could do or hope to be and achieve. 

It is never easy to sit back with a mirror and gaze into one's eyes and say I am this or I am that without input, influence or life's circumstances or verbal words of others to give and take from who we are as individuals. But I suspect each of us carry our own unhealthiness internally produced by others - as much as - we carry our unhealthiness produced strictly and primarily by our self in solitude or solo moments too. 

We are each depositors into each other that we meet and share with. We are also withdrawals upon each other too. Learning new skills to create more healthier alternatives of deposits and withdrawals to each other can only help something grow to prosper even more and something detriment to change into a more positive and healthier fulfillment of continual effectiveness.

My new emotional word to learn today was Dismay. Interesting - for all the vocabulary associates of Dismay - my interpretation of understanding of this word and its function is as an action word. Mostly a verb or adjective even when its primary literal meaning clarifies as a noun basically. But the cause and effects of Dismay leave me to understand it in my life as a verb or action word.

To strip one of their courage or to produce fear in their sensitive vulnerabilities of security is to leave a state of emotional dismay behind. Whether as a direct action caused by pending job loss or employment changes or demoralizing verbal manipulation that leaves another to feel shame or depression and disheartened and at fault or blame. 

Dismay is the most powerful silent weapon of emotional demise that I have read and learned thus far. The perception of self or production of dismay by others can lead solitude into such a horrible unhealthy spiral that it's consuming wasting it does to valuable entities and resources in the brain that it causes the most of literacy educated to use this knowledge as a tool to control. 

As abusers and criminals produce dismay by their actions of selfish harmful behaviors and selfish interests without regards to the consequences they produce upon others. They want to create unhealthy in others by the actions of immorality or unlawfulness they do.

On the flip side of commerce there are supervisors, managers, CEO, and bosses who use the emotional tool of Dismay against their employees to control them using fear or demoralizing verbal threats of taking away the financial survival of their employees too. 

Dismay will create insubordination that devalues and inhumanely can affect healthy individuality. This is the most controlling unhealthy emotional tool to use to hurt others when used in wrongful content and context. 

Dismay produces information. This is all this emotion was to be used for along with other emotions. It is sad to see and to become aware of about this emotional tool of the healthy effectiveness it could be versus the unhealthiness produced by it when used adversely. It does speak alot about society and what we know versus what we really do not know at all.

Dismay is a danger emotion. Not one to be frightful or anxious over but one to be cautious of. Dismay produces information about a situation and nothing more. The negative that will or could occur or the outcome of actions of dismay already enacted upon that affects others beyond self - gives information of how to proceed forward in a healthier manner or to continue the unhealthy productions of this emotion of information.

One can approach the signs and symptoms of Dismay with these tools to counteract the negative or unhealthy that comes from this intense emotion. Preventing dismay in others by listening to the words spoken or actions implemented. To be conscious of Dismay when it is heard is to evaluate it so one doesn't turn this sword of emotion upon self or point it as a gun upon another.

To plummet another so deep into nudity - where courage can not be found in self - is the worst case scenario of the verbal damages to be produced by dismaying coercions.

To keep and retain one's motivating courage and healthy hope or positives beliefs during difficulties manufactured by Dismay will take the 5 senses having a healthy awareness to recognize the presence of dismays attributes and preventing it's devastating destruction when ill equipped to handle this emotion that is loaded with information.

Dismay doesn't have to strip the core of an individual without their consenting conscious. Dismay does not have to give another one's own courage nor submissiveness without consent.

Dismay may produce what first appears to be horrific life altering and even medical health detriments of shock that create in the mind the worst case scenarios. But when facing Dismay as it spoken is to know it - hear it - face it and listen to the vocal tones of it's factual presence or unhealthy motives.

Counteract the dismay by realizing courage and logical or rational thinking to seek solutions and effective healthy Dismay resolution.

Dismayed is an extreme emotion that will take personal strength to see its existence - hear it's proposals and to touch it's healthy or unhealthy attributes and to intuitively taste and smell its supplemental properties or it's deprivation attributes.

Awesome word to realize that this word, Dismay, is more than only an action or description. It is one of self-challenge to embrace and conquer it's unhealthiness in our life to make it a healthy one instead.

For when dismay arrives or seeks to betray; one can conquer dismay by seeking positive results with beliefs of courage to take humane course of action from a word that is too often silently spoken and detrimentally suffered in solitude. 

No one can dismay another except through authority or ignorance. Even then, with skillful tools and healthy awareness - both can be effectively resolved in one's life. To cling to dismaying emotions is to keep one's own courage in hiding and conceal personal relief that can be achieved when one accepts new skills are needed to learn how.

Chasing an Illusion of Normal

A Person I Use to Know charismatically enticed their own mental thoughts and adolescent emotional hardships by thinking of the day that their life could be different than it was. That one day, they could seek, find and obtain normal - like every one else. 

Then this person matured, got experience of unhealthiness and healthiness under their wings and realized that by trying to live their life in chasing normal - they only found that normal did not exist!

Normal was the largest fantasy they ever forced their self to believe - in order to survive. This Person I Use to Know was me. 

How many other felt the self-betrayal of believing in some thing or some one and then you gain experience or evidence presents itself and you find out how your beliefs in something was not real, factual or tangible anyways? I feel this way about the word and use of Normal. It can not exist and does not exist. To think so - produces unhealthiness. I'll explain to give pondering thoughts.

I know many other like me who grew up like I did in a different economical class and socially acceptable atmosphere than what is present of today's culture. Poverty was visually announced without a word - back in my day. Middle class was evident by Middle class visuals and locations of geography. Rich were rich in their own segregated and usually gated communities. 

Has anything  really changed nowadays for us? Yes it has! 

Would you believe me if I told you that those of who witnessed and survived the 30 years ago of social standards that we have actually declined even more so now than back then! 

The poverty and Middle Class of working Americans are now in a silent merger of geography and economical visuals that is evident to the economical shifts and where our tax dollars of funding have really gone. 

A person does not have to be ashamed nowadays to be poor. For the American government will give you a check, free food, free medical, pay for your housing, pay for your electrical expenses, give you a free education with free transportation and a free cell phone to use if you choose too stay poor and be proud. You will be socially accepted because you appear Normal with all of your tax payer funded entities. Your visual representaitions of Normal are no different than that of someone who works a full-time job who has to leave their families and children behind to afford a life for them while you can be your children and family because someone else is paying your way with programs that create a dependancy of poverty that you enjoy. 

The Middle Class working Americans are now being given some of these free entities because their wages do not simply pay enough to support their families in the necessities and luxuries that it once did. So what once was a socially well defined normal is now being the outcasts in a sense and taking the hard working Middle Class Americans with them.

In working today on my new words of discontentment and learning dysphoria - I am enlightened and learning to apply new concepts to old words or new words I learn to help me move forward in a healthier way of personal perception of my emotional engagement with others and primarily myself. Even in the dark content of subject matter - I feel in peace. Because I know that my unhealthy or healthy choices are for my benefits to personal life. No understanding or approval of others is needed for me to achieve this. Only my beliefs and dedication to persistence to learning what others would discredit as a waste of time or resources when indeed - it increases quality of time and healthy attributes.

To be one's own enemy is exhausting and wasting precious energy in the body, brain and systems and I refuse to do that to myself anymore and advise anyone else who does this to stop it and learn new skills to quit this unhealthiness.  I am having to learn new skills to obtain something quite simple at first glance but sometimes - with so much unhealthiness in one's life - it does take new skills to gain healthiness.

No one says anything negative about a person who strives to achieve a healthier exterior and appearance. But when someone mentions they are learning to gain a new healthier inner core existence then the looks go blank or the feedback of speculation begin.  

I admit that if it were anyone else but me wanting this and I heard it in general conversation - I'd be a skeptic too honestly. But if it works, it can not be stupid or a waste of time is all I am saying. 

Which leaves me to share points of validity of awareness that I learned today in my personal motivation to learn about my 5 senses healthy modifications with emotional healthiness. I hope by sharing this it will entice others to consider healthy as an option and as a conscious choice in your life for your core too. The self-rewards are the best gift you can choose to do for yourself and enjoy your own life growing in depth and peace too.

The word discontentment and dysphoria were of familiar use to me. I have experienced both in my life. I will share an enlightening perhaps awareness to two words that strike a chord of discomfort to many as usually these lessons at first glance do to me until I learn new awareness about them and apply it in a healthy way that does work effectively for me.

Who is to say with out exact medical or scientific proof exactly what Dysphoria is in another individual? By definition, dysphoria is an abnormal depression or discontentment. 

Symptoms by definition are a diagnostic tool for medical conditions. Symptoms are also a sign or indication of disorder or disease, when experienced by an individual as a change from "normal" function, sensation or experience.

Patients become aware of sensing when something is not right. Personal observations of witnessing behaviors or characteristics in personalities from an individual's "normal" and opinions - with or without facts of tangible proof in requesting someone to seek professional or medical help happens every day to some body out there forever altering and changing their life.

But what if Dysphoria is not caused by a factual tangible medical or scientific proof but really created and produced by one's inabilities to choose a healthier lifestyle?

Could the blame game or excuse trains we occasionally find our self upon or in the company of discontented people really be enabled by our own personal choices of unhealthy lifestyles or unhealthy misconceptions of self?

Unhealthy lifestyles. Unhealthy associations. Unhealthy fantasies or beliefs of a "Normal" life or "Normal" person that does not exist nor ever did. A great lie told and upheld by the formally educated narcissistic personalities of vane individuals who possess the authority of social manipulations upon others to conform to the socially acceptable standards created by fantasy believers of a "Normal" that never existed nor does.

Divorce, relationship problems, and family units through out history have detailed and even documented the economical shifts of Census data of how our cores of socialization with those closest to us at one point in our life has disintegrated or dissolved from what we once we loved into a separation based upon a primary healthy or unhealthy facts versus fictions of our lives.

Who is qualified to say Dysphoria is abnormal or supreme depression is real except the person who believes this to be true or factual in self? Who is qualified to judge another's need to create change in life? Who really evaluates the origins of facts - not opinions - not fantasy - but factual, tangible evidence? Who can really say that perhaps Dysphoria is only a direct result of healthy and unhealthy choices they made in their life as a solo contributor to this disheartening emotion? Who can say?

In learning new skills for my own personal healthiness - I see an invisible line being socially drawn that does indeed divide - separate - and quarantine individuals who disbelieve in the fantasy of illusion of "normal."

I have heard the conversations of biased - heritage and geographical differences that produce assumptions and speculations about others who are different than they are. 

I have sensed the sickening taste in my mouth and smelled the foul in the air from the ignorant - demoralization and psychopathic words used by others just so they can have topics of conversational engagement to communicate verbally in.

These types of ineffective verbal exchanges were never more evident to me than when working as a professional and in seeking my own medical treatments for my conditions. 

These socially acceptable and economical manipulation practices of social divisions are enforced by health care plan coverages and commerce exchanges. These are clear indicators of the immaturite - destructive and unhealthiness windows that peers into the lives of those who factually display the unhealthy in them by the content of their conversations and baseless topics of talk so they can talk. These psychopathic behaviors are accepted socially as long as one is submissive and compliant to the unhealthy civilization we live and share in nowadays. 

I feel relief in writing and sharing my awareness of these social unhealthiness issues. For I realize - it is not only me and was not only me - that feels these things to be factual and truthful of their lives too.

Geography of residential areas, quality of homes, and community entities give visual validity to what I share of "Normal" standards of social acceptance. Each area clearly defined of social values in the quality of education given in new, nice and visually appealing schools with the latest technological advancements versus the schools where students have to share books and supplies from lack of equal funding. Or the hospitalization or low care cost clinics that serves communities. The doctors who will only treat the private health insurance clients versus the doctors who will only treat the Medicaid/Medicare or state and government health insurance patients who use these programs for their medical treatments.

A divided unhealthy and unequal aspects of all life represented in what I have shared. Each defined individually and accepted for their "Normal" that they appear to be in with their geographical culture defined by what their "Normal" is. Their lives and communities represent their externals of factual healthy or unhealthiness.

The trail of defining, owning, capitalizing and economical survivals come down to awareness and having effective tools that can be applied to gain healthy or unhealthiness by the choices each individual does. Not a "Normal" - Not "Fake" - Not "Fronting". Healthy or Unhealthy.

A personal mission of setting healthy or unhealthy objectives with realistic plans to achieve this. To each is their own tools and awareness perception. To increase healthiness or decrease it. To decrease healthy or increase it.

It simply appears that many would rather individually choose to follow the unhealthiness than to take the time to gain healthier skills to effectively manage, control and work to stop the origins of their problems and solve them. 

It's easier to seek fast solutions or quick escapes from fantasy beliefs than to simply deny a normal that majority says exist - when indeed - normal and the chase for it - will always produce unhealthy results that continue to decline economical, financial, and geographical communities while producing immorality of unhealthiness to individuals. Until we learn that normal takes away from individuality, innovation, and is a negative detriment to our social ways of life - individual detriments will increase and society will continue to decline.

Effective - To be or not to be

A Person I Use to Know would skillfully learn and apply new information to accomplish a goal or set realistic objectives with positive expectations that would come to pass with successful results. 

This person used an old acronym from the United States Postal Service. As a former employee, the benefit of this formula was a general standard in writing one's internal resume when seeking job promotions. The STAR was this. Situation/Task - Action - Result. 

In writing a resume of STAR concept - one would take the Situation/Task they endured. Then write their course of action they took to solve the problem. Then detailing the positive or negative experience learned from this. This person I refer too was me. But I never lost the value of STAR, even when I was not effectively applying it to my own life for it's value to me is greater now than I needed back then and perhaps, sharing this flip of something I learned back then - others can use the same concept to fulfil and be effective in your life as you choose to be.

Through out time as the Person I Use to Know in myself has got complicated, complex, emotionally and medically altered that I forgot about my own STAR that I used to apply daily in my life to be effective and productive. 

Let's be honest, when a life crisis occurs with the death of a loved one or a job loss or employment changes or even financial income declines - it can be stressful, detrimental and very difficult when life tosses a person a diagnosis or complex circumstances that they lack control over or their direct actions results in unfavorable major lifestyle changes.

Life happens. Life will happen. Life can be blissful one second and total unrecognizable the next. 

That's just how life rolls. Financial matters really have nothing to do with the comfort or maneuvering of life as one thinks. It can assist in the fundamentals of survival basics. But when intensity increases of sudden changes - money becomes the object. 

The reality left is who you are and how well equipped you are to handle the extreme highs or lows that occur. Personally, I feel we all could use a daily educational dose of something to add to the tool kits of our life. Even if, the education or knowledge isn't directly applied at that moment of learning - it can be retained to pull from when uncertainty or devastation happens. Most of us just wing it in life. I found that out from talking with so many diverse people in my life from many cultures.

Our social acceptance cultures have drastically changed in the last 50 years of what use to be and what is socially acceptable now. That goes for everything we do electronically to even the lessons taught in public education and even how medicine and science is practiced and supplied to patients.

Just as society and civilizations change through history - so does the need and requirements for the very tools we use do change in their purpose and objectives in our lives too. 

What once was considered a luxury of a television or a land line phone in a home is now a necessity all around us because of social practices and socially defined as living well or healthy just because we have these tools. 

What once was considered unimaginable to effectively treat individuals with mental illness or use prosthetics for amputees is common day practice now. What reading glasses once took primary care of for failing eye sight and as the only prescription as remedy - is now being replaced with laser eye surgeries and contact lens. 

Wow - hasn't time and our definitions of tools and the words of necessity and survival slipped by us somehow without our consciousness to be aware and alert of so much? Like we have become so accustomed to the lifestyle of culture around us and by participating and adhering to - is it any wonder that in our self moments of reflection as A Person I Use to Know we too - are not the same person that we were 20 years ago.

Think about it. What was important to you 20 years ago? Who was important in your life 20 years ago that is no longer active in your life now? What were you doing 20 years ago that you enjoyed? What did you do 20 years that you regret now or made a mistake that taught you a valuable lesson about your life or those in your life? What was your bucket list of 20 years ago? Now, what have you did from that bucket list in these 20 years? 

Think about this. What once was an obscure idea for survival that worked back in the day is now the very luxuries or comforts we have all around us. 

Individuals of history had a valuable quality to them that I fear our current day generation has forgotten. In their moments of darkest survivals that we could not comprehend - they invented. They created. They built tools out of whatever they had and applied them in whatever they needed to in order to survive. 

Our electricity was created and grids we all share now because of these innovators. The vehicles that once served as basic transportation for farming needs, goods and family or community growths and prosperity are now luxuries compiled of more things than a vehicle needs but yet ensure our survival of mobility too. 

So why it is so difficult now to be socially acceptable in new inventions or new innovators or new tool application in our current day time? Are we actually regressing in social acceptance standards and failing to adhere to the survival importance of things that are new, different or unheard of yet? One person's acts of survival in desperation could be indeed another's remedy. Something to ponder - don't you think?

To be effective or not to be all comes down to personal choice and having the tools or skills to do it and even the desire to learn a new tool or skill. This is individually personal. It always was and always will be. 

Until we as the human race can learn to be experts or professionals about everything that this life has to offer us - the best we can hope for and believe in and work to is becoming a better, positive and more fulfilled and effective person our self so in 20 years from now when we gaze back at our self - we can smile upon the effective productions we did that was important to us and allowed us to embrace even the sad, grieving or difficult lessons that we learned only through our mistakes. Never regretting nor forgetting all the miles we traveled and mountains we had to climb to reach the exact second we live in now. 

We can never get a do over. The best we can hope for or try to achieve is remembering the STAR as it was taught to me and I share with you now to apply to your life - if you choose - as I am effectively applying to my life now also.

Problems arise. That is life. So when a Situation/Task occurs. Think and research if you have to of the actions you would like to take or obtain new skills to achieve to reach the results that you want to do. Then go for it. 

The Internet is a wonderful tool and skillful building organization as much as it ever was for social fun, social media, social games or entertainment playing. It can help build a way of life that you never knew was out there for you to achieve. I am still learning. I have learned many positives from using the Internet as a tool in my life. I recommend it to anyone who is self-motivated to create and be that immediate effective creation you want to be.

Many times, the feedback, rejections, circumstances and complexities that occur with being around people can indeed drain you. Empty your resources. Empty your hope. Empty your own standards, morals and definitions of what life means to you. It does happen. 

The person you thought you loved who never truly loved you back. The person you thought was your best friend who was only using you. The people who you thought had your back but all they did was stab you. It does happen to all of us. But personal perception is important to know and grow in one's self as it is about others. No one can help anyone who is not ready nor disbelieves that effective help exists to them.

I share this brief log today from my therapy. My therapist is happy and hopeful of the skills I am gaining to help primarily my PTSD. But feels that medication can do more for my Bipolar. 

I convinced this professional to give me 6 months. I want to continue to effectively grow my emotional skills and apply the knowledge as I have been on the 8 primary emotions. Then I want to work with Bipolar therapy of alternative methods. Until I resolve, learn, and gain new skills to tame the PTSD side effects and the triggers it has caused me, medication will only camouflage a source of the medical problems I have. 

I am not a fan of prescription medication. For some it does work, but my own fears of the harsh effects I have experienced is not a bridge I am ready to cross just yet. For all the times, I have tried this or that and never completed or simply failed at in medical treatments, I feel the affirmation and validity of what I am doing. So after talking the hour session that I paid for so this person would listen to me I analyzed. 

This is what I walked away with that I documented. I share it with others of kindred spirit as I who do believe in the skillfulness of effectiveness that can occur when we do not limit our self in calling a hammer simply a hammer or a stapler simply a stapler.

My therapist maybe right that my Bipolarwill  require prescription medication to benefit my quality of life but I am not ready to try that just yet. The writings I shared from worksheets for the PTSD and 5 senses reprogramming and modification appeared to be effectively beneficial to me from the doctor's observations and medical evaluations of 2 years of seeking treatment. The therapist did compliment my unique yet entertaining writing abilities of my new knowledge that I shared. 

The thing is - this therapist is a professional doctor. The knowledge and experiences of this therapist does give insight and views of a side of life that I only know through my immediate issues, circumstances and medical conditions. The views represented are not detrimental with mention of prescription medications nor invaliding my personal mission to learn new skills. A professional's experiences and standard treatment along with a personal opinion of observations and nothing more. 

Effective actions is all I can do and let the rest go. Even in talking with the professional therapist or people in general - I control the harbor. I control how the storms arise and fade in me. No one else can and I can not stop it for them.

I have come to realize in life there are those who do capture the missed spellings of a word or the wrong placement of a question mark. Punctual and politically accurate individuals will miss the valid points of a message with their personal interpretations of life around them and all they do and see or read. This is OK.

Some people will see and engage the sight to only the obvious visibles of blue or red colors displayed. Others will use sight to not only see the obvious but admire deeper to appreciate the value that blue and yellow have to make that color green. This is OK.

I am one that gazes deeper and feels deeper. All the above is OK. Knowing when to share and when to let  go. Even in those who miss the depths of a rainbow or color pigments - it comes down to choice.

Choice to engage. Choice to describe. Choice to participate. Or personal choice to do nothing at all and follow in the same path and trails of life that one has always done. There is a peace and admiration in that too. 

Self-acceptance. Acceptance of others. Walking together in difference on this bridge of the human race that we all share. That's as basics as it gets. Once an individual can fully accept this and be honest to self - the rest is the STAR for your taking to achieve the effectiveness you want for your life too. 

A Kick in the Tail of Self-Disappointment

The facial expressions or slide show of one's own mind in A Person I Use to Know can only leave one feeling like they have kicked their self in the tail through out many times in their life. 

For the personal mistakes that keep getting repeated. The bucket lists that never got accomplished. The goals or dreams that left one unfilled or voided for this reason or that. 

Perhaps, disappointment is the personal mirror of reflection that most find it easier to avoid or escape than facing the reflection of one's own life because it didn't quite turned out what it should have been or could have been for the hopes we all once had - that now appear as forever gone. 

Does it really have to be this way? Does disappointment have to taint each of us? Must we be forced to emotionally survive and accept the consequences of our choices of the life we live? Must disappointment come to rear it's ugly head to break our hearts or to personally remind us that it was not others who let us down as often as we neglect and let our own self down by personal interpretation? The self-destruction we bring upon self from disappointing speculation or assumptions that we internally entertain and occupy our thoughts and emotions with. Will the madness of disappointment ever stop? Will the insanity of our own productions of disappointment reality ever escape us completely and just leave us alone? Will we ever admit to our self that our interpretation and interaction with our disappointment can be as harmful and unhealthy to us as the individuals who give us disappointing factors in our life? 

To each their own answering to these questions and more will be the beginning steps to determine your healthy or unhealthy relationship with disappointment and the sadness,anger or anxiety that follows your bouts of disappointment and the course of action you take from it.

In learning all about the 8 primary emotions - I am finding a rainbow of wealth and enlightening I have never thought possible about myself. If a person can accept their self completely in their mistakes, mishaps, and errors as easily as they do the accomplishments, pride, and celebration moments - life would be grand every single day even when bad things happen. 

One could be sheltered with peace while holding the umbrella in a drowning rain storm. One could be hugged by a tornado while a cement shelter beneath the Earth. One could be happy and peaceful first before all the emotional weather of life's uncertainties could immobilize them or cause self-destruction to become the first option for an unhealthy life versus the seeking and obtaining of new skills to become emotionally healthy. 

In the scenario I give, shelter of peace is not granted by the umbrella but in learning how to obtain and apply peace within one's self before the storm drops a cold, wet mist upon you. The hug that all will be ok and you will believe it begins within and not the cement shelter as the tornado churns outside. The happy and peaceful inside is there to be resourced upon with healthy tools and skills you learn so no matter what goes on outside in life - as the core of you - nothing can take away your peace, happiness, and ability to be validated and reassured that you will be OK and all that you must endure or face medically, mentally, psychologically or emotionally will ever disrupt the quality of life that you want of healthiness for you. It's not to say that bad health days won't occur or that shocks won't come along that will try to toss you - but it will say with education of self that you will be ready.

Emotions are really the least of formal and professional educational teachings and understanding. For most, it is truly a heritage or social culture learning of nature and nurture that guides us how to feel emotionally, how to react emotionally and how to act upon our emotions. Emotions are a very powerful and wealthy information database for all human beings. The strongest of emotional impulses have saved a many life when one person puts their self in harm's way to save another from a flaming fire or a horrific car accident that produced a gas leak in the wreck. The weakest control of emotional impulses have left many feeling they had no one to turn to for help or to ease their pain and they have no solution in sight so they take their own life in allowing their emotions to control them instead of having the opportunity or chance to know that education may have saved them. Emotions are as much of who we are and what we do as any other function in our human bodies. To realize that our emotions can make us healthy or make us unhealthy goes along in a medical science that has yet to be explored upon, researched upon and effective treatment granted.

It is easier to believe that a fast or quick solution of tolerable symptoms can be obtained in a prescription medication that balances the brain and body versus skillfulness that could be taught as any other preventative and healthy maintenance plan to help one achieve a physical healthy life based upon a healthy and balanced diet and physical exercise.

What if the brain's chemistry or the electrical pulses of the brain and body isn't as much as the problem as it is with ill-equipped ignorance and a lack of educational understanding. A lack of a healthy toolkit in dealing with emotions and the 5 senses that trigger and contribute to the emotional output and responses of people. What if it really has nothing to do with the internal working of the human brains and body at all but more to do with the internal thought processing and internal silent whispers of dialogue that each individual does to them self that is the primary switch that enables malfunctioning in the body and brain. By these silent intuition thoughts and emotions that is internally done - we are the breaker box or fuse box of our healthy or unhealthy creations in our body.

The Fight or Flight responses tells us how to survive by secreting the fuel we need to run, yell, scream, or fight back when our life is in danger. The autonomic system follows through by halting and increasing in the body as it is needs to for this Fight or Flight Response to be successful. The 5 senses kick into over time so that the brain and body can decipher internal thought solutions that you need to survive a trauma or a life or death experience. What if once this over active system can be controlled to a more rational, intellectual and educational control than mere impulses that the body runs on with an subconscious auto-pilot? What if emotional education and 5 senses learning and retraining could actually not only help a person in moments of trauma or life and death scenarios but even encourage a person to self-defend them self intellectually against a criminal who maybe seeking to harm them?

I can't say what benefits or positives that could come from learning about the emotions and its effects it could and potential would have in benefits to every one who sought out this type of knowledge but it couldn't hurt - if it works to create an internal healthiness for people who have never known this type of health before. Or for people who are externally healthy with internal unhealthiness going on. There is more benefits to be gained with knowledge and shared among us. I am finding that here in the small social circle of the life I have right now.

It was stated today that my prior dejection and very descriptive paragraph of using the 5 senses and ODP of DBT I am learning and applying through writing for learning retention for my reality application that it was a TMI. (Too Much Information) of private bathroom matters. That the content was inappropriate to do and share. But the boastful and joyful laughter that my writing did contradicted their words of disapproval of my content. The consensus here at my home is that I am crazy and am childlike in my writing, exploring, learning and sharing of progress.

But if it works to reduce symptoms and to gain control of something that once was uncontrollable to me, then how can it truly be wrong or unhealthy after all? If you can take an unhealthy situation and learn new ways or skills to make one's self healthier and increase quality of life than who can judge the self benefits that one obtains to increase their health?

I have always been one to toss traditional heritage or rational, logical and emotional social acceptance practices out the window of my scopes of living and surviving my life. I use a hammer as a stapler. I use a screw driver as a knife. I use a straight razor as a straight edge. I use a spoon as a fork. I use a fork as a spoon. I have used these tools to benefit my life but not in the direct purpose they were intended to be for social acceptance and general practices. But to complete a job or a task - everything is a tool to me including sometimes flipping something that I need to apply in my life to benefit me and others. 

In finding, learning and applying with the tools I have around me or seek to help myself - I have always been able to help others.

In learning to forge forward from my own emotional & 5 senses deficiencies with these new skills and tools - I can only hope and be assured by positive aspects of my tool use and applying daily that my life healthiness will only increase and grow toward a more balanced quality of life. I share wishing the same for others that you may always find the tools and new skills to be healthier today and whatever it takes to make you healthier tomorrow too.