Delight in Distraught

Distraught is a difficult emotion. Personally, I have always saw emotions as verbs. Not that they are - but if you think about it - how many emotions does a person have in their life that becomes more than a noun or adjective of description? How many times does an emotion of anger cause one to lash out in physical actions or verbal defensiveness? 

If the mouth speaks based upon an emotion or the body reaches out to release emotions - wouldn't it be fair to say that the only time emotions are only truly that of a noun is on paper in writing? Most could relate or would feel their emotions as only action words but I assume and speculate this.

Tears get produced from crying. Screaming and yelling can come from anger. 

Distraught is an emotion that can become active from many other emotions. The cycle of links that one emotion has to connect to another is a puzzle piece in a larger puzzle configuration in itself. 

For the 8 primary emotions - maybe the primary basics and building blocks to other emotions - but the knowledge to learn about emotions will never end. 

Without even getting into the medical or scientific productions that emotions does internally to a person - emotions act within our conscious consent in the body based upon how we feel to secrete whatever is needed - so we can function to live or merely survive. 

Emotions perhaps, are as important to us - in our daily lives - as our heart beats are or our unconscious brain management that goes on in the human body - if not more so. 

What if the whole fueling system and functioning processes of the human body and brain do begin and end in the engagement and comfort we have internally with our emotions. Like fuel cells of emotions ebing responsible for the overall performance of logical, intellectual and productive values we have internally and expressed externally.

I find this emotional learning and 5 senses healthy modification as a daily enlightening adventure. A daily journey to reach a new healthier destination that I have never known before. 

As if my basic life functions depends on this learning and applying new healthy skills in my life. A gift that I could only be honest to myself about the unhealthiness I did to me - as well as - admitting that I wanted new healthier coping skills for my emotions and 5 senses - but also to hopefully stop the permanent damage done by PTSD.

It's surreal to even attempt to explain. For unless someone feels, knows or believes a diagnosis to be true in them of their unhealthiness - then no one else can believe it for you either. 

I accepted along time ago in my life that life is never as it first appears nor are people. The same is true of problems and the urgent availability of solutions especially medical conditions too. That for each cause that occurs in one's life - it is theirs to choice how to live, respond, react or do nothing but the effects they produce - are theirs. Some are comfortable to just merely accept other's advices, suggestions, ideas and words to apply to their own immediate life.

I am a 33% extrovert and enjoy being around other people. By nature and nurture, I am also a personality of 50% Emotions. 

In learning, I have clung to being solo and in solitude - coming out only to share something that few will get but for those who do get it - I am sure this will benefit their lives in a more healthy way. 

For what one shares or does seek to give without fear of repercussions or negative feedback - some one else will and can benefit. Just because one person took the time to give something unheard of, unspoken of before, or undiscovered before - does not mean that it was not created or shared for those who do understand to get it. Sharing says more about life and what we do and do not do than anything else about us that we attempt daily.

I can only imagine through out history that anyone who leaped off of the bridge of a normal or social acceptance that they faced many individuals who acted as brick walls. 

An idea of new or different or not easily accepted or welcomed have always existed and will exist for any one who steps outside the circle of social function or accepted practices. 

But it is through history - that we have learned of those who were isolated, out casts and even right down miserable upon this Earth because they dared to be different or unique and had a vision for them self that they cared enough to share or explored development of. Unhappy people back then due to public persecution or falsely places misunderstanding of assets that we benefit from today. It is a shame that people we admired from long ago and the skills or traits they gave us that we use every day now - lived and suffered horribly because of the social and general misunderstandings that went around and still do to any one who dare to be true to self without fear.

In learning about emotions, DBT therapy and learning how to tweak my own personal life and my 5 senses healthy modification - I am finding a new life that I never knew could be medically possible.

The silent triggers are very obvious to the millions of individuals who suffer from PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder causes the complete internal system of a person to become medically and chemically altered. 

The price to pay for survival for any victim of traumatic experience is PTSD. This kind of internal software operation system is programmed into us by harmful and unhealthy circumstances but is not hard wired into us. 

For software can be reprogrammed into a computer to make it function properly but hardware can not be and can only be transplanted in and out and wired as such. 

I do believe that PTSD can be undone but it will take new healthier skills and personal dedication to over ride the software programming done to a person by the direct results of trauma. By attempting to learn and gain new healthier perceptions, interpretations and learning how to be safe in one's own body - as well as - safe in the world around them. To learn to gain a status of comfort and new interactions of protection within one's self and with the 5 senses that can only be gained through learning new skills, applying new knowledge of emotional understanding and personally teaching the 5 senses and the brain and body a mindfulness and presentness that trauma does take away from an individual who survives trauma. What the brain and body must do when the software of PTSD is activated in a person of trauma - one must deprogram this effective for survival effect in the body but reprogram it in a healthier way to counteract the software trip that served survival but compromises every day living now away from the trauma.

If traumatic experiences could be viewed as survival software in the human body and brain as switches that only come on during traumatic experiences then why new knowledge in the human brain, body and conscious be reprogrammed to flip them back off? Of all I have read about PTSD - it is getting into the symatetics of the human brain and body of science to prove PTSD exists. But until science and medicine gain even their new perceptions on disorders that have been around practically forever - then nothing will change for the patients.

PTSD does produce horrific and horrible imbalance in the body and brain and it can feel insane - in a sense - like betrayal. Your brain and your body did help you survive trauma but the remaining malfunctions are not a fair nor a comfortable price to live life after surviving any horrible ordeal. 

It should not have to be this way and perhaps, it does not have to be. I can only speak and share as a civilian who obtained PTSD through traumatic abuse as a child. Avoidance is the key answer for those who feel that they are safe, comfortable and content with their quality of life and to prevent harm to others because of PTSD instability and triggers escalating symptoms.

For me, avoidance only escalated the despair I have felt. The distraught emotions and life circumstances I had to face and contend with me of this mind boggling physical, mental and emotional disorder of PTSD was not something I could handle nor was satisfactory in accepting. 

Convulsive eizures were easier to cope with and survive with - for me - than this of PTSD. I didn't want to give the survival I endured anymore control than it had already played in my life.

The medical unhealthiness that one faces as a child of traumatic abuse is a hard topic to understand - unless you are a survivor or a professional who studies the research and the medical cause and effects of this social truth that impacts millions. 

The internal unhealthy self dialogues a child victim does appears to become a lifelong common effect that many victims do. Perhaps - this internal dialogue is the only saving grace that a solo scared victim of child abuse has to cling too. 

But when that child grows up without having found effective therapy, healthy coping skills or knowledgable intervention that works - the medical damage continues to occur to the internal brain and the body's chemistry output by practicing the same old unhealthy responses. An internal effect that a victim does internal with thoughts, ideas and surviving to live. A very hard factor for any victim to break or admit too. But I believe to counteract this, it does take new healthy skills and professional help. It will also take being brutally honest with self too of your own unhealthiness and healthy aspects from an internal dialogue, perceptions and inpretations of life around you too.

Asking questions instead of merely giving providing solutions or answers could be the beginning steps to do too in unraveling the unhealthy of internal self.

Do you feel pretty or handsome internally and externally? Do you believe compliments that others give you? Do you question your every choice or decision or those around you? Do you have a hard time trusting yourself in all you do or allowing others to get close to you so you can trust them? Do you second guess others constantly? Do you feel as if you are sitting or talking with others but  you are internally a million miles away in thoughts but still able to listen, see, hear, and summarize all around you? Do you even know the sound of peaceful silence in your thoughts or complete stillness in your body except for the beating rhythm of your own heart?

Learning new healthy skills has always been used in various medical attempts to treat different disorders. I have found through years dedicated to my own medical research for my conditions and assisting others in theirs - that primarily - one method will be constructed and used for one disorder without regards to potentially tweaking it to try in another diagnosis. 

Sometimes, it will take decades before one treatment will be attempted and tried upon another disorder. Most of us, who have spent our lives in struggles, medical hardships or diagnosis - get tired, exhausted, and tend to lose hope or accept the quality of life before us in the medical conditions we have. For some conditions, it does sadden me that until science and medicine catches up to the pace of some progressing disorders - nothing different can be done in course of treatment.

But for many mental, emotional, psychological medical conditions - I do believe there is more that a patient can do for them self in order to help them self - even if it is looking in a box for its practical familarity uses and then looking deeper into the box for potential uses it could have. 

Become as an out of the box thinker when researching and learning how to take care of one's self and the medical conditions diagnosed is what I am trying to say.

A few years ago I read a thesis written by Kim Jacks about the Weston State Hospital in WV. Copied from the PDF file - Weston State Hospital was a major mental institution in Weston, West Virginia. This study traces the history of the hospital from its construction in the 1860s to its closing in1994. It was established as the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, and then called the West Virginia Hospital for the Insane from 1863 to 1915.

This thesis is fascinating to read if you like reading of historical aspects of psychology as I do. The history of progression in WV was notable and interesting to read too.

But the patients who spent time in this hospital were self-admitted or isolated against will from family or friends and communities.The treatments and experimentations that have went on with those classified with bizarre, extreme or misunderstood symptoms have always fought the biased and stereotypes of general society and denied social acceptance as a general code of social living. 

I found it remarkable how these individuals that were patients in this hospital were self-sustaining in many ways. Productive in their own rights and taking care of them self while taking care of others similar as they. 

For what society cast off - these individuals sewed, grew gardens, maintained a farm and basic living necessities for survival. 

Even in social acceptance practices today, many citizens could not even do that and they maintain a 9-5 job weekly managing family needs and gaining financial luxuries. But the luxuries and necessities these individuals had and received at this hospital before it's decline of social standards that changed once again - did not only survive and live by the labors of their efforts but they did it together as a community. Using each other's gifts as tools even in their differences. 

They each gave contributions by their own unique roles by the patients who kept the hospital open to their needs and their wants of what society said they couldn't or shouldn't do. Their team efforts not only gave them a community to belong too - but they did what most in family units and relationships of friends could not do. That is work to thrive together and keep a community going in the establishment they resided in together.

There are millions diagnosed every year with medical conditions. Patients rarely are even given the validity that most seek in being understood. To receive effective treatment and to find that doctor that does indeed provide the service to them that they need. 

I have experienced about every kind of hospital, clinic, and VA Center that WV offers. I have witnessed and experienced the best of our state's offerings for various medical needs and even those of others states I have been too. 

But until a patient can become a valid source of information and perhaps, even a resource of validity to symptoms of a medical condition - then perhaps, the medical and scientific world could progress in a more healthy manner - at a faster rate - than that of which science and medicine try to do alone now without sufficient relevancy of input given to the patients. 

Though many would first be scared, apprehensive or even reserved in their biased or lack of experience to be open to something as unique of patients being a source to remedies - but what if? 

What could our possibilities be for medical resolution if individual perceptions and personal evaluations of how we view life and all those in it were more open to learning and understanding? What if a straight line didn't have to straight anymore in medical or science practices to understand the complexities of the human body and brain? What if patients didn't have to stay confided to their space that society says they must stay? What if the valuable information of the key to stopping, preventing and effectively healing or maintaining many ailments of medical conditions could be as simple as taking an addict seriously in their ideas on how to stop addiction or that person who has cancer who smokes illegal pot that goes into remission in valid recovery in an illegal state was listened too or what if mental disorders and PTSD could be trained and given a healthy programming to stop the effects of a trauma that one had to survive at one point of their life but doesn't have too now? Something deep to ponder isn't it. 

Just iamgine if that person of poverty could increase your revenues 10 fold faster than anything of formal education could teach you - wouldn't you listen then and take the advice for financial gain? 

The same answer of yes should be granted about everything we are and everything we hope to be in a civil socializing world too. To discredit the value or validity of one person's experiences is to discredit or devalue our own too. A silent deprivation that cripples and disables us all.

I wrote a poem today as my daily word was distraught. Word playing and rambling and applying these emotional words of vocabulary with short stories, sharing online, and even with poetry creations - will give me my own personal dose of emotional maintaining to see past the sting of shock of any emotion - as it presents itself to me - but also to give me something to pull from as a healthier way to interact, engage and apply healthy to my 5 senses. 

I have heard many say that when they are anxious or having feelings internally of a panic attack that they will count internally and deep breath. I have done this but it never stops it nor lasts. But I am gaining more benefits through taking these 5 senses healthy modification and emotional learnign to keep them in the present and knowing what to call an emotion and how to how it effectively has helped me more than anything I have found. 

Perhaps the unhealthiness of emotions learned and 5 senses altering done through trauma were mingled in this one medical condition known as PTSD. Who knows? But if it works - that is all that I care about with or without approval. 

Just because something may make you nervous, fearful or even worried to do - does not mean - you shouldn't try it. The probability of our greatest fears or worries will never happen nor will happen again to us anyways. 

For me I am finding focus is where it is at. It's about holding focusing. Learning to control that focus. Appreciating the control of focus you have in yourself and enjoy the interactions of others even more. 

I call all this my baby steps of learning right now to be shared upon a screen with others. But this will not always be the case for the more I learn - the more I will apply and the less I will be on this old machine. But here's a poem I wrote for myself about the emotion of distraught. But I got a feeling others would like to find their own peaceful delight in their darkness of distraught too~

Delight in Distraught
As the darkness reveals the star-filled sky, 
I look up smiling admirably of the soft glowing lights on nature's ceiling of fluorescent dye.

The chilling winter breeze then blows a crisp, clean, sniffing whiff,
producing ice cycles in my lungs;
Leaving a refreshing yet tasteful burning delight on the saliva of my tongue.

Not a sound around - as I stood solo outdoors;
with no jacket worn on this mystery feeling night.
My senses reminded me of this insane joy lacking regard to health prevention.
I couldn't help but to laugh and dare a cold or the flu to capture me with their smite.

But after a few minutes - I gave into a moral consent,
of a future doctor bill of something I did not want nor should be needed;
So I touched internally the peacefulness of night's serenity,
walking in thankfulness to the house I proceeded.

Closing the door behind me, absorbing the immediate heat restored in me again,
I recalled the present distraught circumstances - I would now have to face.
But for those precious moments of replenishment outdoors,
they had restored my strengths of focus to effectively resolve with healthy sustain.