Despair Resolution

A Person I Use To Know would leap at the opportunity to assist another in their problems of: rational, logical or emotional request for need. Sometimes, this offering to assist would occur by this person's own need to assist even when, the request was never verbally requested. The idea of acting in good intentions always seemed like a good idea even when, it was only a good intention. Many times it would lead into adverse side effects that ended up building verbal and emotional conflicts from mole hills that escalated into mountains or what was only minor creeks that would immediately become rivers to another person. 

This person was me. That person I use to know in myself now wants to stop that. I benefited many with my assistance but due to my own lack of knowledge and stability emotionally - I was nothing more than a fire to them as they were me. 

Unhealthy fires igniting forest fires is what emotions can and will do until a person learns how to stop it by learning skillfulness and applying mindfulness. You can not use a fire extinguisher to exhaust a fire until you learn how to use the equpiment for it's safety and healthy uses. 

The same is truthful of emotions and obtaining a 5 senses healthiness. It is an individual choice to learn how to benefit self in a healthy way with these human tools or to disregard the potentials for healthiness that could be obtained with education and knowledge.

If one has experienced a life of diversity in social cultures - one gains experience. Not perhaps as an expert or as a professional - but it can cause a person to choose to be overly active and hands-on to assist others for the difficulties they learned and experienced from or it could flip another way. A person chooses to be recluse and introverted from the experiences of their own social culture experiences. Life will continue to be difficult for both and in these scenarios where people lack diversity in social understanding or experience; the present and future can be uncertain and difficult.

Education is  important to the intellectual mind to increase, obtain and retain a comfortable quality of life for a person. Education about people, knowing people and making your educated choices based upon experiences and learning - is as important - if for no other reason to simply accept the come-what-may circumstances or to understand the cause and effects of one's own life to gain self-acceptance and understanding too. Education of people and one's own acceptance increases due to understanding and applying new skills to achieve healthiness around and to others and especially to one's own self.

I personally have always rejected and detested the lifestyles that merely seem to settle. But my bias was due to my own emotional warfare of self and disheartening circumstances that I endured. 

For years - in my ways of life and personal bias did propel me to be what I had become until the failures or disappointments became more evident than the positive productions from the ill-equipped toolkit that I worked and pulled from - the blame train ran verbally expressive from me. The bitterness attacked me personally every time I turned around that caused me to verbally lash out to others or exercise unwise and unhealthy choices to just get a moment relief from my own destructive and vicious internal vindictiveness that I had always had brewing in me. I survived this way. I lived this way. It was not until I became trapped in my own problems that I couldn't relieve or escape from anymore that I realized I needed new skills and knowledge to help me. The PTSD and Bipolar was claiming me. I wanted tools to effectively help me and once again, learning and new education would guide me.

I wanted a peace that I did believe - but had no clue to give myself. I wanted a happiness and to be one with myself that I could not give me. No matter how many I sought to help or intrude upon to assist - I could never repair myself enough that I felt stable, safe, protected, unconditionally loved and even respect and acceptance of myself completely. 

For if, I truly believed and felt all of these things I wanted so bad - I would have accepted long ago and realize that only I could first learn how to give me these things to myself by learning how to obtain them ---- before I could safely embark a healthy to share and give this to others - for their core building too. 

Usually it is upon the mountains that we celebrate the best of life with those around us. But when we all get solo deep into the emotional valleys of our own life - who is there to give us what we seek, healing we need, or emotional comfort or to support us? Who is there to see our shadows of darkness and give us a moment's relief we need? How many of us have been to that dark, deep valley of despair? How many have chose to live our life in that repeated valley or to keep bouncing in and out of it until we simply get too tired and exhausted to keep climbing back out of it again? How many have found the tools or skills or that final resolution needed so that the part of the familiar valley of darkness can never capture us again? 

I am not saying that all valleys can be eradicated because to think of life without valleys is to discredit and not respect the uncertainties that will arise by choosing to a life that a person wants. 

All I am saying is that there are some of those same old valleys or same old walls that we feel helpless, hopeless and in despair from every solving. This could be anything in a person's life. 

Your valley meanings and circumstances are yours. Just as mine are my own. To each their own motivation and willingness to stay motivated to climb out the deepest valley you have --- just as my journey is my own to resolve the valleys that cut the deepest in me too.

In learning all these emotional words of Sadness - it is a dark, deep and valley of its own that I am sure many can relate. The circumstances or shocks that come along in a person's life will be filled with sadness, despair and dark moments. 

But a person never has to sit in that darkness --- no longer than they choose to. A person doesn't have to be imprisoned to the pain of sadness -- no more than they choose to. It sounds difficult to get past sadness and despair. 

But for every emotional problem that arises in one's life - somewhere out there - there will be a solution or peaceful amends waiting to help you to help yourself. You just have to keep looking for that healthy tool you need to work in your life. 

It is a sad reality that we can not zap the pain of another or comfort or support them deep enough to eradicate their scars or wounds or heal their medical conditions but we as human beings, truly do not have these entities to do that. But in learning, we can assist without making a bad situation worse upon our self and for others that we care for also. 

Science and medical evidence does prove this truth of how we can not eradicate for others. Relieve - yes. Tolerable - yes. But erase or eliminate - no.

Some religions will debate or beg to differ - but in an evidential proving - some fixes do take more personal effort and a personal motivation than most are willing to credit them self with or seek plans of personal purpose and objectives to obtain what they need to get out of valley. It's not easy. It will be hard. It will be difficult. But no valley will ever be deep enough to hostage a person --- unless that person chooses to stay hostage.

Daily working on my emotional education for myself - I feel that my learning could potentially assist others. I do enjoy pecking on a keyboard and feeling useful while doing it. So I share a story of Despair that may enlighten others with an effective action to Despair and to consider when you are confronted with it or even perhaps, help your self when you feel the valleys of Despair in your life.

My fictional short-story of Despair ~
While listening to vocal tones wavering from the disheveled facial expression I saw before me -  my visual focus of their darkened eyes is what I saw from this person who confided in me to display and share their painful despair. I took a deep breath. This person confiding in me was also going to be a learning lesson for me too. 

I immediately focused internally on the sensing of the smells of Mr. Clean fragrance that had been
applied to the freshly mopped floor. I tasted the saliva increasing in my mouth from my watermelon gum I had been chewing. My increased saliva and smell sensors gave me a few seconds relief from this weighted emotional conversation. I relaxed into the warmth of comfort this leather chair provided beneath me as I was prepared to keep myself grounded in the emotional roller coaster this person was going to unleash upon  and engage me into in seeking relief they needed.

I internally reminded myself that this person's saddened state of despair was not my own. I did indeed care to help this person deeply but I must now get back to focus and engaging with this person with hopes to find a Reasonable Mind logic that I needed to be effective to make them feel better or to help them feel better or resolve the passing of their despair this person is detailing to me. 

I wanted to give complete focus of my attention and perhaps, I could then give options or an effective solution for them - if the conversation warranted by my further involvement of what they were requesting from me in seeking my support and comfort to their despair.

As my focus and 5 senses became fully engulfed in observing and silently participating of their despairing conversation, their words gave a synopsis of their saddened circumstances with volume fluctuations of their emotional verbal distresses detailing the emotional information I needed to assist as a course of action.

The WHO that contributed to their emotional dismay. The WHAT of actions that ignited this person's trust in me to speak of this private matter became apparent. The WHEN of how all this happened. The events and people of WHERE this saddening despair took geographical place at. The HOW of despair that had escalated for this person who felt compelled to share with someone of their grieving life of hopelessness was projected.

It became evident while listening, using my own limited vocal engagement while sensing the scents and tastes of my own 5 senses application that I realized all that I could do now was to retain a silence. The only action I could offer was to ask to give this person a hug and if my reaching out to physically touch them would be OK to do before I impulsively did it. 

A physical hug was all I could do to give this person comfort without introducing additional despair to their vulnerable and fragile emotional state of sadness. 

The conversation had given way that this person was in despair by the life choices they had made that inflicted hurt upon them self and multiplied to others. Their personal choices in actions perpetrated the outcome of this saddening situation. 

I heard their cry for support. I felt their dire need to be comforted. I saw the truth they believed in the words this individual spoke. I heard the word, "I", spoken of this despairing circumstance that involved many more adversely impacted in this conversation with this person.

The summary of conversation revealed the answer and emotional solution this person sought to seek from me of an approval of that which I could not give this person.

As I verbally asked to give this saddened person a hug - the response was of acceptance. As I wrapped my arms around their shoulders - I fought my own swelling tears that clouded my vision.I would not release my emotions upon this person who was now laying their head against me as they were indeed releasing their own sobbing tears. For to display my emotions would have been to take away from the emotional validation they sought to release to me through this.

I internally whispered a prayer of well-being for this person for their dismaying issues that was more numerous than the primary of despair that began in conversation with this person. I was successfully able to hold back my own tears so it would not contribute to their already emotionally filled actions.

To engage my own emotions in an emotionally volatile situation would have been to potentially add adverse conflict or create a rapid change in this person that may have only added to their despairing situation.

To engage my emotions in assisting another is to take away from them or invalidate their requests for assistance. Sometimes - you can only listen attentively - respond limited and offer a supportive hug or light comforting hand on the shoulder or a hug with prior approval first.

For many times - the emotional or logical and reasoning answers or quick resolve a person seeks was already there in them to act upon the whole time. Speaking and engaging in another's instable or volatile emotional state can impede more harm than positive outcomes. A conversation with two people who dare to ask and seek a solution can only truly be answered and emotionally amended by the one person anyways. Sometimes - this won't always be the case but occasionally it will.

I guess with listening and offering a hug would be the solution to give to help when a person dislikes their life or the choices they make that despair their emotions and burdens or hinders their actions of a healthier life.

Solving problems or merely avoiding a problem in temporary escapes of relief will only delay an inevitable anyways.

No matter how much love, admiration or care one can do for another a healthy assistance can not be given if an individual does not realize their own unhealthiness or denies or rejects tools that could help them to help their self to obtain a healthier quality of life. Love is not enough. Actions will not be enough.

For each that believes they can - will. For each that believes they can not - will not. 

To create volatile emotions in one's self over a despairing situation that can not be resolved or solved for another person is to keep a fire ignited in one's healthy resources making it as unhealthy as the person they are trying to assist.

Survival of the fittest comes to mind. This quote seems so selfish - vain and conceited. But it's probably true. I am sure science and medical proof can be given and validate the claim of this quote.

Sometimes, their is really no simple, "Yes" or "No."

For the light of despair is up to each to believe in and their journey to keep finding and using effective tools that assists their personal journey in the travel of life that grants them the exact destination of that which they executed and are solo responsible for and accountable too.

This darkness of despair is also the comforter of choice and sometimes, the individual beliefs of darkness are as support that is greater in them --- than the desire to light their own spark to see beyond their halted stall of despair.

Life - good or bad - is to each their own. Mingling emotional words without reason, logic and rational respect is to burn one's own self from another who will possess your control of ignition that you give to them. 

Despair is a beware. Comfort and not getting burnt or be burnt at anther's problem that you can not safely or healthy resolve in them. To each their own healthy or unhealthy despair resolutions when these burns become an outwardly affliction against your own healthiness or a genuine cry for help where they are willing to act upon their self with the tools you can allow them to borrow and use as their own.