Personally, I feel if you say or use the words, "I Love You," then you should never be limited on topics to talk about.
No matter how embarrassing, potentially hurtful or even extremely private they maybe - open conversation is the only effective way to ensure that your relationships with those you love will always be an open engaging and inviting
friendship that never wearies with problems nor will problems escalate quicker than the words or emotions can be found to solve them.
If you talk about the topics that are easy all the time then you miss out on the best that is waiting for a person.
Especially when they conceal from you what they wish to say. But yet, they will talk to someone else who will listen to them, validate them, respect them, and even encourage them.
There are so many layers and levels to relationships with any one that we admire or say we love you too; that each person has their ideas of fantasies versus the reality they live in. It's hard to share your imagination or even your fantasies of dreams with others when no one will talk or speak about the difficult and personal or individual issues or hopes a person
has.
A Person I Used to Know grew up in genetic DNA acquaintance that left her feeling only as a stranger in her identity around these people she called family but yet at the same time, she felt an emotional bond to them that she was devoted to be accepted by them, be approved by them and could not live her life without them in it.
For she knew once she drew that chalk outline of her own identity of who she was and what she would allow or not allow in her life and expressed her self in creativity or verbal conversation; she would be an orphan by her own choice to ask, inquire, discuss and speak out.
This person used to be me with my family members. I do not speak to my mother, father, sister nor brother. Every now and then, when they have a problem they need solved or enlightenment of humor; they will call.
But to feel that same emotional and naive love that I had for them many years ago; I will never have again and this is by my choice.
For their culture of life and acceptance of who they are and stand for is not who I am. But to keep peace, I do allow myself tolerable doses of communication but only if they contact me.
To be respectful. To be encouraging. To never offer resources of my life unless they are willing to change their life or their ways to prevent future problems. I would not expect no less of them in their life that I have not lived and survived in my own actions of my life.
But for many, they spew these three little words of: "I Love You," as if its a game. A role they play and can just accept no responsibility for. A silent action they can give as long as they only keep saying it.
Love and sex are two words that go together in real close and intimate relationships. For each partner of love requires,needs, and desires actions of love from another. These types of intimate love are different than those with family or friends. Even though,at times, those criminal or moral laws do get broken too in the selfishness that sex and love
produce in people to harm others.
But in a truly healthy, growing, encouraging, and unconditionally loving environment; which I think that all people do secretly want fulfilled in their life by a partner to share with; it is few and very far between.
For the complexities of time restraints with jobs, money, children, homes, lifestyle choices, entertainments, and every thing under the sun takes precedence to all relationships but the joys, thrills, entertainment and fun sharing that open conversation where limits are not given can add value to any relationship.
For hopeless romantics, as I am; I do believe that if I think something, about a person then I should be able to tell that person directly. Just as they should be able to do the same with me.
For even in thoughts or emotions; whether right or wrong, they all hold personal and individual value within that should be given and released as well as stay open to allow others to be invited to listening to them as well.
In love, usually it is lust that leads to sex. Whether as a teenager, adult, or an individual who is supposed to be in a committed relationship can travel off from their one partner to be with another - it is merely lust.
Lust of what one sees. Lust of what one hears. Lust of what one says. Lust of how another makes them feel and if it feels this good in conversation then it could only become better by having sex right? Wrong.
Lust is like one second on a time clock of your entire life. That one second of lustful pleasure passes by so fast that in retrospect when reality hits; you will know that it was only one second of lust when in reality; what you were filling
in fun or a lustful love was only taking away from what you had or could have had with another who treated you more than mere lust.
Sex is one of the hardest topics to discuss. For each individual has their own personal definitions of what sex is for them and how or if they share their sex with another.
Sex must be a team effort by two team players. Both as givers. Both as receivers. Both agreeing when their sex life ends.
Both agreeing when their sexual actions will begin. Both to be respected in all aspects of their life from their consequences, choices, circumstances, and how they feel about sex.
Most people do not view sex as healthy for the human body, brain, and organs. For if more did; I am sure we'd have alot
more sex going on for every one and alot more healthier people. But sex releases many beneficial chemical releases in the
body that stimulates the over all health. As one ages, sexual desires do decline to chemical imbalances that
occur naturally with testosterone levels and estrogen levels.
Many couples who survive together through the ages of time will do so because they talk about their sex together or they
speak nothing of it to each other too. Instead, they choose to branch out from their committed partner to find that sexual
void they have in another who will reciprocate their advances to have sex.
Immoral or unlawfully as it may sound and deplorable to others; affairs happen every day by as many females as it does males.
If partners can not talk openly about all of their fears, worries, anxieties, expectations, recommendations, and requests to
their partner closest to them then how can that partner be fulfilled by one person?
Personally, I do think it is impossible in matters where open communication and team player compromise is reached.
Because as many love stories told about couples or marriages in love that have lasted through the ages; time and experiences
of others tells me that the majority of individuals who are married or in long term commitment relationships weigh
out their beneficial positives versus their separation negatives and choose to stay. Even if both partners are in secret
misery or hell or not sexually satisfied.
So which is better? Do you stay with those you say I love you too in your life that you can not talk openly too or do
you allow your self the freedom to live how you choose too by being open and honest and if that doesn't work to help
make you happy then you move on?
Many people view them self as either strict conservatives or liberals. This is speaking in terms of politics but not to be
applied as party affiliations. Stereotyping and labeling these as follows.
Conservatives believe in moral and lawful conduct. To be committed to family, relationships, partners and spouses to
a higher order of self-standards that replicate their strict line of living life in their churches, communities, activities,
and being forth coming what they feel to be right or wrong. There is no maybe, in between or perhaps the giving freedom
that maybe both could be right and all is wrong. Judges. Strict. Stubborn is what I would a die hard conservative.
Liberals are freedom givers and freedom takers. They believe as long as no one is getting hurt nor breaking a law; power
to the people. There is a down fall to this too because if you are too liberal; you may never learn consequences for actions,
even if only a moral standing of hurting others to self reward.
Moderation is key to either of these. For any one to be an effective believer of anything or even a good communicator;
one must be able to be the example of what they speak or be able to lead by actions. Words are useless unless they are
activated.So sharing is the only way. Speaking to be heard. Sharing conversations to listen especially over the difficult
topics.
So in speaking "love", one must try to show love. Watch the person that you say "I Love You" too. What do they do all day?
What are their hobbies? What do they enjoy? Who do they associate with? What makes them smile? What makes them happy?
What makes them laugh? What makes them blush? What makes their facial features light up in excitement? What makes them
squirm with anticipation? What makes them nervous with desire? What makes them humble with approval? What makes them
have happy tears? What makes them have sad tears?
Many times, we take those we say "I Love You" too for granted the most in our lives. We always assume they will be there.
We always assume they will out live us or that just because they are in our lives today that they will be tomorrow too.
That's not always the case as estranged children have been leaving parent's homes for years and never to return. Or
divorce rates and partner separations happen in even the strongest or longest of unions.
Never take conversations, writing a blunt honest letter, or sending a text or email for granted of those you love.Make
time to effectively communicate. Make time to show in actions the words of love and not just say them.
Love is an over used word. But only when it becomes ineffective by lack of actions. Sex is an over used action of love
too. For when sex occurs or fails to occur without both partners consent; one will move on as a general rule or find
alternative methods to fill their desire.
You would not ask the one you love to give up milk because you are lactose intolerant. You may compromise by buying
less of the milk that you both used to share so your needs and their needs would supplement the medical milk change.
But not give up on reaching a solution for you both.
You would not ask the one you love to give up using your brand of toilet paper because they have to have medicated wipes.
You would compromise in smaller portions for each giving way medically that would satisfy and serve purpose for both.
But not give on reaching a solution for both.
You would not ask the one you love to give up watching their favorite television show because you fail to like it. You may
compromise television times of sharing or even watching alone at different times but both would still be happy
by sharing and compromising.
So why would you ask them to give up sexual desires or try not to reach a compromise satisfaction to you both?
The same for happy or sad or other difficult topics of discussions that matter to both of you or affect both of you in any
relationship. You must seek a peaceful compromise, tolerance or middle ground of comfort that works for all involved to keep
those you say you love in your life and to make them happy to be in yours as well.
Communication gets lost so easily in all the electronics we have at our fingertips. We really do say more and have less of
substance at the same time. As we continue to do this, we solve nothing in our lives. We rob our self of the happiness
we could have. Instead we become settled into the life we have instead of living and experiencing the lives we want.
Life is never easy when dealing with other people. No matter how educated we are or what we learn; we still have a long way
to go in understanding how other's feel; what they think; how they believe and acceptance of the choices they make
in their lives when they are different than our own.
But love, lust, and sex are topics that always stay silent in our lives and affect each of us differently. If we can not
talk about these humane elements that bind us all together in a responsible, sensible, open, blunt and honest approach as
mature adults;
then our children will never have a hope in life to understand the healthy and unhealthy elements of the values in these
entities either.
So when you talk, communicate, or verbally share anything; say it like you mean it. Ask a question like your life depends
on it. Do not be afraid of any consequences of that which you speak. For your verbal open maybe the only voice
another person hears that will give them the courage they need to speak and ask for their self in their life too.
Life is too short to take the potential for happiness for granted. If you do not want happiness in your life; then you
will never find it by doing the same old things, over and over again.
Every one deserves to speak and be heard and listened too. Give and take equally especially if you dare say, "I Love You,"
to another.
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