Letting the Past Go

Letting the past go is the hardest change any of us will ever make. Why? Our friends, family, associates, classmates, and every one we ever came in contact with in our lives - will never allow us to forget our past; so how can we? Why should we?

The past is simply a memory of where we came from, what we did, and who we used to be. The past is not the present of where each of us live now. So why do we feel that we have to let the past dictate to us or others to influence us of who we are now versus who we were then?

We all are emotionally affected by our pasts. Whether it is good/bad emotions or good/bad memories - it does affect us of who we are today and what we do in our lives now. So why do we allow the past to control today and how we are influenced by others now?

Human beings want to be accepted by others. We are social creatures, even if, we don't admit it. We want approval from those we are closest too. It's complicated. But how much more do we complicate our self - by our thoughts and emotions - that are not the fault nor the blame of others?

Why do we choose to cling to the past memories and past experiences versus living in the moment now?

Why do we choose to feel grief or emotional stress of the things of our past that we could not control nor change?

Why do we live our life backwards - instead of forward?

For each - their answers will be different. Their problems are different. Their solutions will be different.

But until each person can admit every individual problem that affects them in the present to work on those issues today - nothing will ever change. The past still lives today to haunt us.

It does not have to be like this for no one. Parents makes mistakes. Accept it. It only means you must live your life to not repeat their mistakes.

Old friends hurt you or lied to you or you suffered broken friendships, relationships, or were bullied. It only means that you must try to live your life in new ways that you will not become the bully or the one that hurts or harms others.

Healing and recovery of the past takes work and effort. Personal and individual analysis of why the past bothers you. Personal and individual honesty of how others were the problem - but also - how you were the source of your own problem. Admitting the problem exists is the first step to solving the problem.

Genetics and the biochemistry in our bodies affects our thoughts, emotions, and our moods. We cannot change the DNA we come from. But we can learn how we were raised and how our past affects the biochemistry of who we are today.

Our emotions and thoughts affect how our bodies react internally. If we think we feel fear, our body produces fearful responses. By learning how to change our thoughts and emotions, we literally can change and control our biochemistry. Mind over matter does occur more deeply than science and medicine can see or touch.

But first, we must want too. We have to get tired of hanging onto a past that hurts us. We have to want to work through those past problems that still plaque us today. We have to learn new skills to deal with the old ways of the past that bother us so deeply.

Most never want to invest the time, money, and effort into helping self - as they try to give to others so freely. Why? It's human nature. To love and to be loved.

A child loves every one until told not too. A child trusts every one until told who not to trust. A child forgives every one and keeps right on loving them anyways. Many of us never have these memories - some do - of those carefree and wonderful days of awe, surprise, and shock that comes from living in a world that we never feared and viewing people as someone to know - instead of - someone to fear.

Events, experiences, and circumstances arise in our lives that change our views from the innocence and peace we once knew to the person we become today.

By going back into our past to seek the most valuable of these elements - as a child sees, feels, and hears and has naturally; we can realize the tools and skills we need to help our present lives now.W e will find in our problems these things we didn't have but needed then and need now. It is up to us to learn and make these happen. It's never too late. These things do not come from others - as much as we want to believe them too - they come from within and get produced within. We must do it solo - even if - we didn't cause it. We are responsible and accountable for the emptiness we feel inside or the fullness we think within.

We can find the courage to overcome our past by learning new ways to live now. We can live in a world where our past will never bother us again. How?

Because we will gain the emotional, logical, and rational skills we need to live. We don't have to survive on the broken processes and broken memories anymore. We do not have to survive anymore simply on the defenses and offenses we are accustomed to being. We seek to be more than we were in our past to enjoy our present to hope for the future.

Many people in this life simply go along to get along. Accepting whatever is in their past for who they are now. Blaming, excusing, or allowing ignorance to become who they are now and not what they are capable of being.

If our emotions and thoughts are with us through our entire lives to affect our choices and consequences we make - then who is really left to blame when our lives do not become what we want them to be?

Someone remembers you as a addict. Are you an addict now?
Someone remembers you as a cheater. Are you a cheater now?
Someone remembers you as a slut or ugly whore or whatever derogatory name they called you. Are you those things now?
Someone remembers you as a gambler. Are you a gambler now?
Someone remembers you as a criminal. But are you a criminal now?

When we remember people as we want for who they were - we deprive our self of knowing them for who they are now. We judge them - just as they judged us. We lose. They lose.

Stop doing this. Unless you are working on the problems of the past to solve them - then let them go. For the pain and chaos you keep yourself is only your body processes and no one else. Why chose pain if you don't have too? Why stay in pain when you have a choice to learn how to deal, cope, and get past the pain?

People only affect you now and the life you have now - if you keep letting them. No one makes you think of your past - but you. No one makes you cry of your past - but you. No one makes you grieve a past that will never be - but you. No one can hate your past - but you.

We want others to solve our problems for us and do the hard stuff. But the truth is - no one can solve the problems that bother you - but you. Some problems - especially medical conditions can complicate the problems we have and some problems will never be solved. This is the truth. 

But there is a bright spot in every negative aspect of the truth. There are enough tools,resources, and new skills out there waiting for you to learn them   obtain them so you can experience peace in a storm. So you can can make peace with a problem and stop stirring in it. For every problem that exists, there is a remedy that softens it. There is a cure that lessens the effects of the negative. There is always a positive. But no one can make you see a positive - but you.

Healing is a work in progress. Recovery is a work in progress. These things have no quick fixes nor simple and fast solutions. If they did - then every one would be running to try them and get them. Peace is a daily goal worth seeking and one that takes work to make it happen. Peace can only be taken by the consent we give another to take from us.

Letting the past go is easy to say but very hard to do. Unless you can make a commitment, dedication, loyalty, respect, honor, value of life, and courage to self to change your present by accepting and fixing the problems of your past - than you are the biggest hindrance in your way and no one else is.If you do not see this or believe this - then no one else can help you see this either. You are worthy to live and have peace too.

Start each day on a small problem of the past. Did others cause the problem? Did you cause the problem?
What ways did you solve the problem?
What new ways can you do to prevent the problem?
Look online for the tools and skills you need to help you by typing in the exact issue going on of why you can't let the past go.Read different things until you find something that works for you. Don't give up on you and finding what you need to help you.
Start small. Focus on one problem at a time to solve. Make peace with it. Move on to the next.

You have lived this many years piling up troubles of your own and from others - because you didn't know better. Now you are learning to know better. Work from there.

Many times, we focus so long on the past that we can't enjoy the present nor look forward to the future. All these million little problems escalate into trillion of problems. The process of problem solving becomes the same way. Do not expect to fix all the largest at once. Start on one problem at a time. It will take time to get to the rest of the problems. But time got you into these messes and time will be patient to help you out of them to fix them and solve them too - if you are willing to work for it and put forth the effort it takes.

The person I used to know is not who I am anymore. I am not the same person I was yesterday and I will not be the same person I am tomorrow. I choose to live like this as it means I never stop learning. I never give on solving my problems. Preventing new problems and having healthier ways to deal wtih them and cope wth them. I never give up on becoming who I want to be. I never give up on life throwing me experiences that I have no easy answers for or solutions. I value the surprises. I appreciate the peaceful journey I have now with focusing on the real issues that matter today and letting go of the things I cannot change nor could not control. I admit my mistakes. I work to correct my mistakes. I share the journey with others and forgive them when they remember me for who I used to be from who I am now. I have faith they'll come around one day to accepting me and if they do not - that's okay too. Their life is as it was; just as mine will be.

It should not be who you were anymore either. For the same love, patience, forgiveness, and kindness we give to children is the same qualities we should find peace, tolerance, compromise, and acceptance with self and others too. Many won't agree with these views. That's their opinion and choice to accept the consequences of their life - as I or you - will do for our own life too.

Sooner or later - everyone reaches a "breaking point" or "too exhausted to carry on" state of emotional living. It is when the thread gets thin that our eyes open to the possibilities beyond our realities. That the clouds clear so we can focus on the qualities of life that matter the most. These gifts are always there for the taking but it is when we stop being offended and defensive of getting in our own way that the rainbow of help can reach us too.

Be patient with you. Be forgiving to you. Be kind and compromising to you. No one can love you and respect your life more than you can. No one can make you appreciate the lives and individuality of others - but you. We share this world together. So let's do our individual part to make it better by focusing to correct our problems and not denying them anymore. We are all human and none of us are excluded from solving our own problems - no matter what they maybe. Good luck in letting your past go to work toward to enjoy and appreciating the present now. May you find your plan and hope for the future too.