Grief is the word of the day. Who would intentionally want to learn about grief? Not too many - I would speculate. Perhaps, the fears of grief causing a ripple of tears keeps others from bay of learning about grief. That if you seek to learn about grief then it will be the most depressing knowledge a person can obtain.
Perhaps, it is that grief is unhealthy alive in many financial uncertainties of pending lay-offs or pay cuts that too many struggle in nowadays. Perhaps, grief makes life uncomfortable for many in their financial matters. That the familiar practice of grief we know that gives us tolerable comfort where we figure we are all perfectly equipped to handle, cope through and effectively manage through grief.
How could new knowledge of our emotions or evaluations upon our self help us? Why learn new skills when we feel fine the way we are or accept our self? Why mess up a good thing or complicate our time more than we already do? What if new skills and effective knowledge could help your problem solving or increase your unhealthy medical conditions to flip them into healthier medical conditions that could be controlled, managed and give a respecting entity in your life instead of a halting one? Why wouldn't a person want to invest in their health or knowledge and skills as they do with increasing their bank accounts or 401K?
A person I Use to Know hated grief. This frequent grieving visitor would be sensed in the air or heard in vocal tones that would produce tragic memories of factual circumstances that could not be denied but could only be cried through.
Crippling this person as a little child terrified in the corner where no one could help save her from a raging fire all around.
This was as disabling to this person as another would be of shock produced pain from bodily harm that medication could not stop the pain nor mobility could be gained due to say a leg or arm breakage.
These sensational triggers of the 5 senses could be compared to a sense of death defeating each time they occurred and were produced. All the horrific and tragic memories triggered by the 5 senses would steal present focus with the horror inside that no one could reach down deep into to save such an ill person from their own body, mind, memory and internal thoughts of self betrayal that the brain nor body would allow the person to move on from.
Such bizarre and unhealthy sensations, emotions, memories, and stranger than fiction indeed. Science and medical professions discuss and theorize and even document the factual chemical and electrical impulses of the brain and body to store traumatic circumstances until one is safe so the brain and body can begin to process the information.
PTSD is this beast of a disorder as such that produced unhealthiness caused by unhealthy situations such as life or death circumstances - abuse or harm done by others.
It is all completely invisible to the eye but inside - it is very real and very detriment to anyone who suffers PTSD. Life that may have once been healthy becomes unhealthy internally because of a horrific or traumatic circumstances. But PTSD is very real, scary, fearful, anxious producing, and grief filled depending on the abnormal or traumatic circumstances that left a person subjected to PTSD after effects of surviving traumas. This person I speak of use to be me. It is through my personal experience and learning new skills of effectiveness to undo the unhealthy of my 5 senses, my brain electrical activity and body chemical imbalances that I share with others who do struggle from PTSD. But you do not have too nor anyone who has emotional conflicts or emotional difficulties. Emotions are a survival and living tool in all of us that does require new knowledge to effectively control, manage and enhance our emotional life instead of accepting whatever may come and go as most people do and will.
I hated grief. I hated pictures that would remind me of this grief of what I thought use to be; that would never be indeed. I hated grief every where I drove that I referred to as a "home" that was nothing more than a lie. I hated the anxiety in me. I hated the emotional roller coaster that I would become because of my 5 senses. I knew some how that my 5 senses could be undone. But I searched for almost three years before I found the tools I needed to help me.
Even my therapist, doesn't particularly care for my new found peace and ideas of PTSD reversal. But the thing is - this is my life. This is my health. This is my unhealthiness. I am the expert of the circumstances and experiences of my own life. No one else is and no one else could be. I can only believe in the betterment of myself and dedicate my time and learning as I need to so I can sustain my life and live as healthy as possible. The years of medical and scientific progressions are still without complete answers or resolutions. Others may accept answers of others that they have done all they could do to help you but I'll never settle for the end of the line or end of the road solutions of others. I'll always choose to keep believing that something bad never has to get worse and something good can only get better. That's who I am. To live my life with approval or disapproval of others is not required. For progressions or regressions in society were have never occurred without someone questioning or seeking answers to something more. It comes down to the quality of life we are willing to accept, venture upon or seek for our own. People's inputs and feed backs can help the journey but they can also hurt too. But in having personal beliefs and never allowing reality's evidence to deter a person from believing and achieving what they need; anything and everything will always be possible to anyone all aspects of genres or circumstances in life.
I clung to a personal hope of a little girl - even as a adult - of a child that refused to grow up. I wanted a healthy, safe, protected, honest, truthful, loyal, caring, giving, and sharing relationship with many of my family members, my siblings,my parents, and even some of my friends. It was my hope and fantasy and no one else. I could not bring myself to accept and mature that what I believed within and sought to seek was damaging to myself and unhealthy.
By having an illusion or misplaced hope - I was only allowing myself to grow and squander in my own unhealthy grief. I was keeping myself in grieving situations. I was not running from grief but I kept facing it hoping that one day, they would change and my own grief would change indeed but it could not nor would it. While hoping that one day, my brain and body would change so that PTSD would not consume and disable and cripple me so emotionally. But you can not keep two feet in a fire and expect not to keep getting burnt. Unhealthy living will never produce healthy living without change.
As I was wasting time trying to be as they had always known me and still seeking to make a life of the entities I wanted for myself; I began to realize that I could not and I could not obtain to make a balance of both of these lives that I was trying to live. For in wasting my emotions and good health days upon people who constantly used me, or repeatedly saying things to keep hurting me or belittling me so it could make them feel better about their own unhealthy choices of ignorant and repetitive ways - I was only enabling them and hindering or hurting myself worse.
Facts are created by proven evidence. Sometimes, it is hard to accept the facts of emotions of self or even the thoughts of self when in company of others or even in the solitude of one's own conscience. For evidence can only be proven with actions and even then, it is hard to give validity to emotions, thoughts, and personal perceptions or interpretations because we are the creators of our bubbles that we live in beneath the shell of our exteriors. We only know truth, facts and knowledge as we have survived it, learned it or experienced it.
Because it becomes instilled upon us through life that it will always be easier and convenient to look out, gaze, analyze and tell others how to live their lives but the hardest thing a person can ever do is to be honest, truthful, healthy and real with their self.
To give up hopes that can not be materialized when two or more are involved are hard to do. To say a person in our life is a healthy attribute or unhealthy detriment to us - is not and will not be easy and that truth can only come within.
Sometimes, to love a person or respect them, you have to let them go to keep harm or harsh words at bay. To love and respect your self and the entities you want and establish for yourself; one must be smart, wise, respectful of self along with a desire to learn what it takes to make it happen and then motivate self to bring it to tangible facts and proof of self and who you are.
Grief will come and grief will pass - but only as you allow your self to believe that you can control your 5 senses with your personal perceptions and interpretations of your own thoughts, emotions, and how you factually view those in your life and who you socialize with. It does not sound easy and it isn't. But anything that comes to fruit from a seed does take work.
It takes knowing what kind of soil and shade or sun a seed needs to develop. How much water a seed needs to flourish into bloom. Tending to a seed with dedication, motivation, and persistence to see some thing that you plant into the ground come to a beautiful blossom or tasteful fruit.
The same is said of life and the individuals we are too. For every grief that comes along in our life by shock, glooming circumstances or even things beyond our control - it can change our life and chances are it will.
But it does not have to stop us from living and realizing that we can go on and move on too. That we can learn how to move on past what ever grief that comes along and that we as human beings have the survival tools in us to conquer anything. But we can also learn to live again after anything that comes our way and we deserve too just as much as anyone else.
Holidays are a difficult grieving time for many. Most grieve due to personal reasons of reflections of lost loved ones that won't be near to celebrate with them. For others, it is a financial grief.
Christmas is the one time of year where every one tries to display their love or admiration for another with a present or bought gift that represents how much someone means to them. The credit card debt grows through the roof. Next year bills of credit cards haven't begun to roll in and for many it will take half or more of next year to pay off the debt of a Christmas gone by.
9 out of 10 times - the gifts bought and purchased won't be appreciated, won't be valued as they should or won't even be remembered. For we have became a spoiled nation in America where good enough is not good enough anymore. Where today's luxuries is tomorrow's pain in the lustful eyes because we want or desire something new or better while never giving thanks to something or respecting the value upon things we already have that works or functions just fine.
It is a shame really of our conceited nation. Employees go to work every day in this country. The government takes the taxes to operate the country.
The gross and net income keep getting lower while the government dependency programs increases to compensate by allowing working individuals some comfort from low wages or the high costs of living.
The working class that are afforded comfortable wages of pay are using credit card debt and a high credit rating as their contribution tools in society - when really all they do is deprive them self of living within their financial means and produce retirement uncertainties.
Those in poverty who depend on the government through DHHR or Social Security services with disability checks or welfare appear to fair off better than anyone. Their food is free with EBT card. Their check comes monthly as long as they adhere to the guidelines of strict qualifications. Their medical needs are taken care of and HUD pays their shelter costs. They have free cell phones and programs to assist with Internet and technology in their homes. They have vehicles financed by the government and are paid for by taxing paying citizens. They mostly squander their time and resources away in a "free" life where nothing is valued and everything "free" is expected. They assume that others life are "free" even if they go to work every day.
The retirees in this country who can not afford to financially retire in comfort but they do anyways while seeking a temporary job to supplement their income for their medical and necessity needs. No individual in this country is exempt from the hardships of grieving financial survival and issues produced by the conceited and selfish or vane lifestyles we have become accustomed too.
The values and morals of this country America produce grief. We have become a country that likes keeping others in grief and divided by geography where they appear different as us in their griefs but behind every door of Americans the money woes and grief reside there. It doesn't matter how visually financially appealing some one may appear to be - their worries are the same as every one else.
The greatest intellectual minds and most emotional humane hearts of our history pages must be rolling in their graves right now and being deprived of eternal rest by the grieving of their efforts to better the human race when in fact - we have become the creators of our problems where no one accepts individual or personal responsibility for anyone. We keep waiting on the next generation of relief that won't come. We did better than our parents did so we feel that is enough. We think we are doing by our children and those in our lives when in fact, it's a rat race motivated by money, focused on luxuries and comforts and we let the simplicity, humanity, and reality how ignorant we truly are dominate us leading to our regression as human beings.
For all the good intentions in the decisions made every day - there is a two-fold equation to problem solving that most ignorantly ignore.
For no decision ever thought about, enacted upon or activated isn't without consequence to some one out there. I guess until we realize that we are the grief creators in self and to others as much as anyone is in our society - nothing will progressively nor effectively change.
For every good effective idea, that some one shares - there will be always some one who takes this good idea too selfishly for their own effectiveness and disregard the need and function to assist others with.
It is sad really but not in a depressing grief filled way as most would first think when hearing sad tragic news or in the death of a loved one or the actions of lay-offs or pay cuts.
The sadness comes from our inabilities to use grief as a motivating skill instead. To take something bad and create something better. To take the lessons learned from a loved one and honor their memory with something useful to assist others from making poor choices or helping others to help them self. To take news of pending lay-offs or financial pay cuts as a reality check about one's own financial life instead.
I do believe that every thing happens for a reason - be it good or be bad - a valuable lesson is contained in every emotion, every action, every thought, and every purpose of our lives. We are the key holders. We are the individual perceptions and individual interpretations of the life we live and the lessons we learn from or the repeated mistakes we become. But until we get real with our self - we'll never be nothing more than the grief of others and the griefs of circumstances anyways that deprive the healthy qualities from our daily life.
It has taken me a long time to be real with myself and about my own life. I hope as time continues on for me that as each year passes and I look back upon the Person I Use to Know that I will and can always smile. Knowing I didn't waste nor spend more worries or anxiety that I absolutely had too upon any grief that was really no more than a blink of an eye anyways in hindsight. To simply cherish each day as the brand new present that it truly is and overcome the challenges as they occur and celebrate each joy in the moment as it presents itself.
No one can comfort a grief that you are not ready to get over or learn from or gain new skills to progress forward with. No one can change your individual perceptions and interpretations of life. No one can do anything to help you but you. An expert's tools are only as helpful to you as you are willing to pick them up and learn how to use them for yourself including prescription medications. Prescription medications can help to cure diseases and help make symptoms manageable but the real cure to healthy is within us. No expert of a professional field can do the leg work to teach you to walk again unless you are willing to take that first step.
Prescription medication can ease the sources of complicated electrical and chemical imbalances in the body and brain but if you are not willing to contribute to learning new skills to obtain a healthier internal and external electrical and chemical balancing by all that you do say, hear, see, touch, and smell too - it's only temporary relief for a permanent problem anyways.
May we all have the personal courage, bravery, and respect for self to know self from the inside out and be true to our self. To admit that we have lots more to learn about self and life around us. That we all possess the survival and living tools we have within us when we are willing to do the work our self too as much as relying on others to do it for us. The only person that ever stops a person from living is you. Circumstances may hinder or stall us but those seconds should never become our concrete nor our foundation that keeps us from moving forward as we choose.
A paycheck and financial survival may indeed produce financial comfort, luxuries and give us necessities to survive upon. But if you are living your life by the wages of your pay or allowing your employment or your financial survival to define your self - then ask yourself - are you really living at all? Are you really able to see yourself beyond just a dollar sign or an asset value? Perhaps, if you only see yourself as this - then you have a lot to do and learn about your self and your life indeed. Grief can only stop a person from living when they are laid in the grave.
Never accept grief in your life unless you are willing to learn the valuable lessons from it and to embrace the experience that grief did not take away from your life but because of grief's lessons and learning about it - grief taught you how to live~
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