The Daily Reminder Continues

Do you ever feel like your yesterday life was a slide show or a movie you are watching that belongs to someone else or that it is completely opposite of the reality of what your life is now? 

I do it almost every day in something I get into that reminds of what use to be to what isn't now. But for whatever reason today was more pronounced. 2 decades of life flash back moments in less than 8 hours of present time.No - it's not a medical symptom but a different way to perceive life:)

Surreal in a sense. Happy mostly but still some aspects of sadness that make it hard to shake.

The lady I use to be could absolutely run rapid & rampant with the youngest of youth. I'd give toddlers the most entertaining adventures they could handle as well as they would me. Teaching children a life beyond the familiar they knew - as the only lifestyle to be obtained - just so they could experience something new while in my company or even taking vehicle full of children on location of traveling with me. 

Many of my former business associates assumed I had a ton of children because I always would attend work functions or conventions with children that were my adopted children - in a sense. My closest friends knew that I had one biological child but that I had a child-like characteristic personality by nature that never grew up & I never wanted too. But I always shared my blessings and fortunes with other children and teenagers and toddlers when their parents and guardians would let me.

Some of the most fun times of my life were consumed with children and around children. When a person is physically, mentally, emotionally and financially able - there is no greater joy for an adult than to partake into younger ones lives than helping, assisting & creating fun happy memories to them and they for you. 

It has probably been one of my greatest examples I have ever received of unconditional love and happiness of a child. These precious characteristic traits of little ones are worth having and obtaining especially for adults. To never forget how to be young - even when medical or biological age - tell us that we know better ~ we should never forget how to stay young at heart as this.

My driving days are long but gone now. They are not officially deceased yet but for each day that passes - I feel as it if were an honorable reward I had - that is now gone from me. Medically, it's not safe for me to drive on a whim and do a million mile drive as I use to do. When I drive these days, I feel like a criminal committing a crime - even though - I technically do nothing wrong to break the law nor inflict harm or hurt or pain upon anyone on the road with me.

I am medically aware of my medical conditions now and the symptoms they cause daily of havoc in my life. I would never intentionally want to ever hurt or harm another because I take these symptoms carelessly and recklessly anymore - as I did for many years. But with faith, I was able to do it and did for years. With knowledge of maturing understanding, I do know better now.

But the crossroads of becoming a licensed driver and then realizing the day will come medically or with age that we will be forced to say goodbye to that old, faithful and fun friend is very hard to do.

I use to curse the many drivers on the road that were going too slow and under the speed limit. Road rage of passing them as soon as I was able was my focus point while cursing them & this is the accurate description of my driving behavior. Sad I know. 

Until maturity started to developing in my driving skills that;s when I learned to be more patient, compassionate, and understanding to those individuals who were clearly medically or visually impaired and not safe to drive anymore. 

My mind frame started to switch around from impulsive anger to pass them instead - to accepting & realizing that one day - uncertain to me when - but one day ~ that person would be me. That person would be all of us. Kindly took a humor visual on the highway for me then. 'Cause that barely legal person driving past me in their new sports car would become a non-driver one day - just like the rest of us:)

Drivers who choose to drive when it is not safe for them may have many reasons for driving even when they shouldn't. Perhaps, they lack having other means of mobility or they have no one to help them out or whatever the case maybe - I find new appreciation and respect for those who still drive when they shouldn't. I say a little silent prayer of thought as I follow patiently behind them now. Just a minor prayer for their safety - those around them and that help will come their way and faith will guide them on their journey and keep them safe & all around them to have patience too.

I started doing this - as I do believe in the invisible humanity of goodness in life - instead of the visual deceptions and lying coercions of ulterior motives that one hears all the time when around other people. I believe that Karma and faith will take care of those who look out for their self and who take a second to look out for others too.

Talking with my nearly adult daughter today while driving to run errands that I had to get done - she and I discussed this Karma and faith driving practices I have done since she was a little girl. She always knew when I was silently whispering prayers or thoughts as my lips would be moving while driving though she'd hear no words. She still gets tickled at me when I do this while driving. 

She never understood and would get angry with me through out our many miles shared together too. She never understood why I would let a car enter traffic while stopped at a red light or allow others to go before me at the dangerous intersections of our rural highway red lights where center lanes do not always have a green arrow to turn safely. It becomes a first come - first serve highway danger. 

But I believe for every kind act we do on the highway that the goodness of safety and kindness will be returned to you. We may never truly know and my daughter still doesn't capture my Pay It Forward way of life when on the highway nor does anyone else really. But if one person ever grasp my word rambles and understands - then I do have a happy mission accomplished -if it helps one person & I am like this on everything or try to be.

In the profit of economical and financial surviving, life is more about what can do you do or persuade of others to gain revenues, grow profits and sustain annual year after year positive growths. Let's face it - without it - bankruptcy comes calling.

But I always took more of a Pay It Forward concept in every thing I have ever done and every occupation I have worked at. I felt that the greatest untapped resource of profits was in each and every employee of every occupation. 

It was the different, unique, and hidden or displayed assets that every individual possesses while working as a team that made the most dollars. Teach a person how their job role impacts the next person or operation down the line. A person didn't have to be only in labor functions of a job to not understand the financial importance they contributed or took away from the whole source of the business. 

An accountant or financial advisor was not above or beneath the janitor roles or position - because one person was & is as important to the overall mission statement of employment goals and financial gains as the next. I have had many who were receptive to learning, being taught, teaching and assisting others. But unfortunately, this abstract concept never caught on and many more rejected the notion unless they were personally profiting from it.

It was years later that I started reading about Emotional Intelligence. This personally defines and classifies what it was that my abstract team playing of employment was all about. 

To tap into the resources that each individual has to give and share in that. That team playing is really about what a person is emotionally comfortable doing and building and gaining trust but also takes on a new mission of contributing. It's hard to build people up when society, culture, economic, financial and biased attitudes have tore so many more down than they build up. Saddest aspects of all civilizations I believe.

Being a medically complicated person that got official diagnosis decades to late for me and without proper professional help, led to my demise in many ways. 

The characteristic traits that many loved and embraced in me were many of the damaging symptoms of my medical conditions I habe - that even I was unaware of. It's hard to ever become medically diagnosed with medical conditions that majority understands but when you are that face or that action of a specific medical condition then you automatically feel - I believe - that you become the poster person for those conditions.

With Bipolar - I was impulsive. Not in a bad sense that I did things that made me regret my choices but where others would have to succumb to alcohol intoxication, illegal pot smoking or popping illegal drugs to loosen up on inhibitions & reservations I did not have too. 

I had this incredible & yet instable medical disorder that did it for me. I could live a high and when younger - I was a wide open workaholic who thoroughly loved my job, my life, and the passion I had for my employment that was not just about the job - but the people. All the wonderful, diverse, and complex people that I met that were just as country and rural as I was - but also the company of educated minds that went to supreme and elite colleges. 

I could speak their comfort language of lifestyle and educational conversation. I could do a humble and grateful conversation with the town bum or even enjoy talking to the age varieties of life that my own survival and experiences had given me. 

I was able to finally contribute back to a team that was larger than I. My work was my daily community. It's an obsession - even now at times - that I do miss. 

Partially because of Bipolar - I over did it and that led to my resigning from the stresses that my brain couldn't take not knowing what it was that was so wrong with me & the thresh hold of stress I never respected medically in myself too. Had I used the reigns of time and constraints like most conservative multi-takers do then I wouldn't have had a high speed run with a crash and burn. The medical diagnosis came too late for me honestly. Now, it still blows my mind of how my personality and characteristics I do recognize as my medical symptoms. That's hard to admit and even harder for others to understand.

When medical conditions are stated, most of us, have that one person or that one life that touched us by a specific health issue. It's human bonding and human nature. I only wish that I would have gained this Bipolar diagnosis a long time ago while I still had youth and time on my side for a do over just to harness it and perhaps, increase the potential beyond what it did exceed to be - while at the prime of my game - as I call it now. 

Perhaps, my Bipolar crash would not have ended in burnt and I could have been the poster face of what to do instead of what not to do with Bipolar in an employment capacity. 

Seeking medical assistance and help is very important and if it still don't feel right, keep getting second opinions until it does fit and suit you. Your life could depend on it!

Even with the slow passing coming for my driver license and losing the daily ability to be fast forward and wide open with children and young ones like I use too or not being employed anymore - I can still smile. 

I may never be that Person I Use to Know but I do know that for what time she existed; that she left a mark of many happy memories & smiles & pictures to always illuminate the best of those days.

As each new changes occurs in my life - I am reminded of what I had -when it was the best- it could be and though, we can never go back but only move forward - I am as smiling forward as I do when viewing back.

For maturity - I do not think - ever completely marks us by age nor does this mystery ever stops growing in us. For every day that passes - there is something of value to be gained in maturity that teaches a valuable lesson. 

If we truly gazed upon each day as the gift it is and the rear view mirror for the greatest movie we knew and dreamed of tomorrow as the best of the best waiting to arrive yet - how much happier, healthier, wiser, and secure in potential could we really be?

How much team playing could we do if we respected that Person that I Use to Know in ourselves and all those around us? Perhaps, this notion would be medically defined as disassociation or some form of complex symptom or diagnosis for the medical profressionals but for me; it's being human first:) Perhaps, it is really the mental and visual key to have to take us farther than we realize we could go & how to embrace that journey with all we meet too.

I know I'll never do all I use too and I accept and respect that in myself. I hope you can find these essentials to do as well. The best part of Cool Change really exists in each of us. 

We never have to completely give up the things we use to do but we may have to find a new way to do it or a new way to perceive and feel about it.  

Positivity never truly leaves us. Most of us chose to simply harbor it and let it be - than to keep focus on positive. Being positive does leave us open to be hurt when we look forward to things that don't always happen. But the fear of hurting is never as damaging or painful as choosing negativity. I promise anyone that!

It's easier to be negative, assume, and make fast judgments without facts. But if we all wore visual necklaces with portraits of ourselves around our neck of who we use to be to who we are now - wouldn't that really be an eye-opener, conversation starter & make us feel & see differently & grow respect about ourselves & each other too~ Positive Perspective. That's what is all about~