Letting the Past Go

Letting the past go is the hardest change any of us will ever make. Why? Our friends, family, associates, classmates, and every one we ever came in contact with in our lives - will never allow us to forget our past; so how can we? Why should we?

The past is simply a memory of where we came from, what we did, and who we used to be. The past is not the present of where each of us live now. So why do we feel that we have to let the past dictate to us or others to influence us of who we are now versus who we were then?

We all are emotionally affected by our pasts. Whether it is good/bad emotions or good/bad memories - it does affect us of who we are today and what we do in our lives now. So why do we allow the past to control today and how we are influenced by others now?

Human beings want to be accepted by others. We are social creatures, even if, we don't admit it. We want approval from those we are closest too. It's complicated. But how much more do we complicate our self - by our thoughts and emotions - that are not the fault nor the blame of others?

Why do we choose to cling to the past memories and past experiences versus living in the moment now?

Why do we choose to feel grief or emotional stress of the things of our past that we could not control nor change?

Why do we live our life backwards - instead of forward?

For each - their answers will be different. Their problems are different. Their solutions will be different.

But until each person can admit every individual problem that affects them in the present to work on those issues today - nothing will ever change. The past still lives today to haunt us.

It does not have to be like this for no one. Parents makes mistakes. Accept it. It only means you must live your life to not repeat their mistakes.

Old friends hurt you or lied to you or you suffered broken friendships, relationships, or were bullied. It only means that you must try to live your life in new ways that you will not become the bully or the one that hurts or harms others.

Healing and recovery of the past takes work and effort. Personal and individual analysis of why the past bothers you. Personal and individual honesty of how others were the problem - but also - how you were the source of your own problem. Admitting the problem exists is the first step to solving the problem.

Genetics and the biochemistry in our bodies affects our thoughts, emotions, and our moods. We cannot change the DNA we come from. But we can learn how we were raised and how our past affects the biochemistry of who we are today.

Our emotions and thoughts affect how our bodies react internally. If we think we feel fear, our body produces fearful responses. By learning how to change our thoughts and emotions, we literally can change and control our biochemistry. Mind over matter does occur more deeply than science and medicine can see or touch.

But first, we must want too. We have to get tired of hanging onto a past that hurts us. We have to want to work through those past problems that still plaque us today. We have to learn new skills to deal with the old ways of the past that bother us so deeply.

Most never want to invest the time, money, and effort into helping self - as they try to give to others so freely. Why? It's human nature. To love and to be loved.

A child loves every one until told not too. A child trusts every one until told who not to trust. A child forgives every one and keeps right on loving them anyways. Many of us never have these memories - some do - of those carefree and wonderful days of awe, surprise, and shock that comes from living in a world that we never feared and viewing people as someone to know - instead of - someone to fear.

Events, experiences, and circumstances arise in our lives that change our views from the innocence and peace we once knew to the person we become today.

By going back into our past to seek the most valuable of these elements - as a child sees, feels, and hears and has naturally; we can realize the tools and skills we need to help our present lives now.W e will find in our problems these things we didn't have but needed then and need now. It is up to us to learn and make these happen. It's never too late. These things do not come from others - as much as we want to believe them too - they come from within and get produced within. We must do it solo - even if - we didn't cause it. We are responsible and accountable for the emptiness we feel inside or the fullness we think within.

We can find the courage to overcome our past by learning new ways to live now. We can live in a world where our past will never bother us again. How?

Because we will gain the emotional, logical, and rational skills we need to live. We don't have to survive on the broken processes and broken memories anymore. We do not have to survive anymore simply on the defenses and offenses we are accustomed to being. We seek to be more than we were in our past to enjoy our present to hope for the future.

Many people in this life simply go along to get along. Accepting whatever is in their past for who they are now. Blaming, excusing, or allowing ignorance to become who they are now and not what they are capable of being.

If our emotions and thoughts are with us through our entire lives to affect our choices and consequences we make - then who is really left to blame when our lives do not become what we want them to be?

Someone remembers you as a addict. Are you an addict now?
Someone remembers you as a cheater. Are you a cheater now?
Someone remembers you as a slut or ugly whore or whatever derogatory name they called you. Are you those things now?
Someone remembers you as a gambler. Are you a gambler now?
Someone remembers you as a criminal. But are you a criminal now?

When we remember people as we want for who they were - we deprive our self of knowing them for who they are now. We judge them - just as they judged us. We lose. They lose.

Stop doing this. Unless you are working on the problems of the past to solve them - then let them go. For the pain and chaos you keep yourself is only your body processes and no one else. Why chose pain if you don't have too? Why stay in pain when you have a choice to learn how to deal, cope, and get past the pain?

People only affect you now and the life you have now - if you keep letting them. No one makes you think of your past - but you. No one makes you cry of your past - but you. No one makes you grieve a past that will never be - but you. No one can hate your past - but you.

We want others to solve our problems for us and do the hard stuff. But the truth is - no one can solve the problems that bother you - but you. Some problems - especially medical conditions can complicate the problems we have and some problems will never be solved. This is the truth. 

But there is a bright spot in every negative aspect of the truth. There are enough tools,resources, and new skills out there waiting for you to learn them   obtain them so you can experience peace in a storm. So you can can make peace with a problem and stop stirring in it. For every problem that exists, there is a remedy that softens it. There is a cure that lessens the effects of the negative. There is always a positive. But no one can make you see a positive - but you.

Healing is a work in progress. Recovery is a work in progress. These things have no quick fixes nor simple and fast solutions. If they did - then every one would be running to try them and get them. Peace is a daily goal worth seeking and one that takes work to make it happen. Peace can only be taken by the consent we give another to take from us.

Letting the past go is easy to say but very hard to do. Unless you can make a commitment, dedication, loyalty, respect, honor, value of life, and courage to self to change your present by accepting and fixing the problems of your past - than you are the biggest hindrance in your way and no one else is.If you do not see this or believe this - then no one else can help you see this either. You are worthy to live and have peace too.

Start each day on a small problem of the past. Did others cause the problem? Did you cause the problem?
What ways did you solve the problem?
What new ways can you do to prevent the problem?
Look online for the tools and skills you need to help you by typing in the exact issue going on of why you can't let the past go.Read different things until you find something that works for you. Don't give up on you and finding what you need to help you.
Start small. Focus on one problem at a time to solve. Make peace with it. Move on to the next.

You have lived this many years piling up troubles of your own and from others - because you didn't know better. Now you are learning to know better. Work from there.

Many times, we focus so long on the past that we can't enjoy the present nor look forward to the future. All these million little problems escalate into trillion of problems. The process of problem solving becomes the same way. Do not expect to fix all the largest at once. Start on one problem at a time. It will take time to get to the rest of the problems. But time got you into these messes and time will be patient to help you out of them to fix them and solve them too - if you are willing to work for it and put forth the effort it takes.

The person I used to know is not who I am anymore. I am not the same person I was yesterday and I will not be the same person I am tomorrow. I choose to live like this as it means I never stop learning. I never give on solving my problems. Preventing new problems and having healthier ways to deal wtih them and cope wth them. I never give up on becoming who I want to be. I never give up on life throwing me experiences that I have no easy answers for or solutions. I value the surprises. I appreciate the peaceful journey I have now with focusing on the real issues that matter today and letting go of the things I cannot change nor could not control. I admit my mistakes. I work to correct my mistakes. I share the journey with others and forgive them when they remember me for who I used to be from who I am now. I have faith they'll come around one day to accepting me and if they do not - that's okay too. Their life is as it was; just as mine will be.

It should not be who you were anymore either. For the same love, patience, forgiveness, and kindness we give to children is the same qualities we should find peace, tolerance, compromise, and acceptance with self and others too. Many won't agree with these views. That's their opinion and choice to accept the consequences of their life - as I or you - will do for our own life too.

Sooner or later - everyone reaches a "breaking point" or "too exhausted to carry on" state of emotional living. It is when the thread gets thin that our eyes open to the possibilities beyond our realities. That the clouds clear so we can focus on the qualities of life that matter the most. These gifts are always there for the taking but it is when we stop being offended and defensive of getting in our own way that the rainbow of help can reach us too.

Be patient with you. Be forgiving to you. Be kind and compromising to you. No one can love you and respect your life more than you can. No one can make you appreciate the lives and individuality of others - but you. We share this world together. So let's do our individual part to make it better by focusing to correct our problems and not denying them anymore. We are all human and none of us are excluded from solving our own problems - no matter what they maybe. Good luck in letting your past go to work toward to enjoy and appreciating the present now. May you find your plan and hope for the future too.

How Long Does Recovery Take?

The answer of how long does recovery take is not a simple nor exact answer. I wish I could say that it was. But the time it takes of recovery is a truth that can only be answered by each indivdiually differently. There is no quick fix nor is there a specific time frame.A person of recovery did not experience the problem overnight and in a day it will not be fixed either.

The only person who knows how long recovery will take for you - is you. How is that you ask?

Recovery is a personal acceptance that comes from individual awareness that a problem was experienced that we want solved or help in making the problem stop. A problem occurs that requires a solution. This is what recovery is.

How long did the problem exist?
What were the consequences of this problem?
Who contributed to this problem?
How did I hinder or progress the solution to this problem?

Whether recovery occurs because of trauma - events - substance abuse - addiction - medical conditions or whatever the issue maybe; recovery is knowing a problem exists and wanting to achieve a solution to stop the problem and prevent the problem from happening again.

The recovery process takes time depending on the factors of the problem. For instance, a gambler can stop gambling by not going to places that allow them to gamble and not accessing resources that allows them to gamble. This is easier said than done for a gambling addict. A gambler must not associate nor participate in the places with those they gambled with when first starting recovery. Medically there are reasons why some are more susceptible to addictions than others. These are answers a gambler must seek to know why they are addicted and to work through them. Not deny them. Will the urge ever completely go away that a gambler will not be tempted to gamble? Not always. But can a gambler stop doing the activities that produced their addiction? Yes.

The same is said of any individual in recovery. PTSD survivors or victims of trauma must not do the things they did that remind them of the abuse. Why? Because the people or places that remind them of the abuse can produce the same terrifying effects of reliving the traumatic moments. This is a biological effect of the human body, as well as, an inability to cope - rationalize emotionally, and produce healthy thought processes that will counteract human biology to decrease flashbacks, nightmares, and horrible intensities. PTSD is a forced and uncontrolled event. The body will react in biochemistry to produce life saving measures. When this process becomes altered with PTSD - the survivor must realize they did not chose this but they can learn new skills of how they react to it. It's a process of recovery just as grieving is a natural process when someone we love passes on. PTSD does not mean life will end. PTSD only means that the patient has work to do to progress past the problems that PTSD gave to them. To restore what was lost so that it maybe found.

Will these effects be temporary or will they be permanent? This depends on the individual depths a PTSD survivor and a victim endured of their problems. It depends on how willing they are to be honest with self and their dedication to their recovery. It depends on how much they want to get better and how much they are willing to work to achieve this with new skills to help them recover.

In our human body, we have many body systems that function to sustain our life. These body systems are unique to every individual person. But internally, most are primarily equal in biology by the emotions and thoughts we process that tell our bodies what to do.

If we think and feel unhealthy, our bodies react as such. If we think and feel healthy, our bodies will react to this as such. If we think and feel of fear, our bodies will secrete whatever is needed to get past this fear. We cannot always control the stimuli around us - but our thoughts and emotions of how we process life can make or break our mental and medical health in a sense. Because our thoughts and emotions react chemically by our conscience within.

When we experience fear or threat, our Autonomic System produces the chemicals we need to survive. This is an automatic response within to help us survive the danger or fears we feel inside. Even if these threats or fear are not real, our bodies respond as if it were through our emotions and thoughts.

Our heart rate will increase without our conscience awareness or control. Our pupils may dilate to allow more light in so that we can see to get away from the threat that harms us. Our liver will produce more glucose to give us energy to flee or run. Our digestive processes will slow down, so more energy can be given to the muscles and our bodies to where it is needed.

Without awareness of how our emotions and thoughts are affecting our bodies and our health; we could be contributing to our health or medical conditions because of how we think and what we feel on the inside. It is hard to ask a doctor to help internally when we cannot relate our secrets to them. But every person in recovery deserves to be honest about their inside thoughts and emotions to help their self; even if, you share this with no one. Therapy and recovery are a personal choice to get better.

But if we are not careful, we could be hindering our recovery. If we do not know the problem or deny the effects or are not seeking qualified information than we can be prolonging the process.  We must accept personal responsibility and accountability even in recovery. Ignorance of the law does not grant pardon when breaking the law.

Recovery is a lifestyle change and commitment of dedication that one must not ever get weary of and to keep trying. We must learn how to stop using the old ways of thinking or feeling to help us in our recovery. These old thoughts and feelings can actually be hurting us worse than the initial problem that put us in recovery to begin with. How is this?

Consider this. When a baby is born, the baby cries when hungry. The child cannot tell you they are verbally hungry. They lack the skills to communicate because they have not learned them. Their body automatically does the talking for them through crying. The skill to cry allows them to communicate the automatic processes of their hunger pains they feel and how their body needs more energy to help the child develop and grow. ANS does the same processes of fight or flight response until we teach our body we do not have to live like that anymore by learning new ways to deal and cope with our emotions and our thoughts.

This does not mean that people of recovery are limited in life because of their recovery. It only means they require different skills, emotional learning, and healthier thought processing to achieve the goals they want to reach in life.

As human beings, we tend to speculate, assume, and cling to the methods we have used in our past to keep us alive and to survive through the present day. However, just as children develop and grow and learn to communicate effectively - so should we by the circumstances, mistakes, consequences and lessons we learn along the way.

Recovery is a complex set of problems that affects the mind, body, thoughts, and emotions. Depending on the problems that caused a person to seek recovery, each problem must be addressed individually and catered to the individual's symptoms and problems produced by the source of origin.

Many times, physicians and professionals seek to give a quick fix solution to the problem/problems of recovery.

Example: Here's a simple pill that will help you and the rest is something you will have to live and survive with. What more can patients do to help their self to improve their health? What more can those in recovery do to help their self too?

Our social and economical culture thrive off of instant gratification. We want solutions today for our problems that occur this instant. We want material possessions that we do not have to work for nor wait upon. Everything is mostly of an instant gratification lifestyle every where we look. Sadly, instant gratification mindsets occur with thoughts and feelings associated with recovery too.

We want those in recovery to be better right now. We want those struggling that endured trauma or suffer from PTSD to get better today. We want an alcoholic to quit drinking today or that smoker to stop it now. We want the gambler to stop. We are not comfortable with the problems of others when it conflicts with our instant gratification lifestyles. We do not want to understand nor assist those in recovery because their progress is not happening fast enough. We want to spend all of our money today so we can complain we have nothing in savings tomorrow.This is what instant gratification does.

Recovery is a delayed gratification process only. It is having the ability to be honest about the problems you endured that caused you to reach out for help to get better. Many times, emotions and thoughts are usually neglected in today's best efforts of support and professional help because emotions and thoughts are not considered health issues nor real medical issues - but they should be especially when the biology and biochemistry of the human being details the specifics of how thoughts and emotions can be detrimental to a person's health and their recovery.

A person who is not aware of how their thoughts and emotions affect their bodies or how their inability to control their emotions and thoughts can produce harmful consequences in their recovery efforts and can produce irreversible damage to their internal body organs and systems.

Most people want balance in their life. To have enough money for their needs with stress-free worries of finances. To have a job that balances time at their home life and professional life. To create a real sense of security, honesty, and truthful sense of balance. Most never have this nor can achieve this because the problems increase faster than most are able to solve them because they are not aware about instant gratification or they deny it exists.

Instant gratification is the process of wanting fast solutions with quick fixes now. Delayed gratification is using patience and having realistic goals of facts and evidence to solve problems effectively and permanently.

Gratification of individual thoughts and emotions will determine how a body, medical health, and overall lifestyle endures and overcome problems to survive and live. 

For instance, child sexual abuse survivors of Incest suffered problems that were produced by forceful, fearful, and manipulating abuser/abusers. Their first sexual encounters were not of choice or at their control. This was not a normal sexual experience. They were violated emotionally, physically, mentality, and sexually violated beyond their ability to stop it or to control it. Each harmful abuse occurrence that came from verbal, physical, or sexual harm from their abuser also forced their bodies to respond biologically against the victim's control. The Autonomic System produced an increased state of stress so the victim could survive the attack of abuse. The duration of this type of abuse will determine the duration and type of recovery a survivor must endure to recover. Their brain and body reacted naturally because of this unnatural and forced event.

To stop this process of damage produced by this trauma requires learning new skills of coping, thinking, and emotional understanding. To gain back what the abuser took and to teach one's body how to self-soothe and self-mend.

Gambling takes away time and money from a survivor. A drug addict loses time, money, family, and a sense of trusting their instincts and acting upon them. In recovery, one must learn how to take back these essentials of life that these problems took from them. Grief is a reality of recovery for every individual that must not be denied when helping them.

If a child tells a lie to their parent about stealing $2.00 from their wallet - a parent will be angry, hurt, and emotionally upset at the child that stole money from them. They will seek to teach the child that it is wrong to take money from others and to find ways to prevent this from happening again. They will also try to teach their child new skills so the child will understand why it was wrong they took the money and how not to let those feelings or thoughts control them - so the child will not steal in the future. The child maybe disciplined to help them understand why it was wrong too.

With recovery, it is about learning new skills and healthier coping habits to stop the damages done by the problems of abuse.

A person of recovery is the only one who can truly say what they feel and the thoughts they have about their problems. Only they can analyze the source of the problem that hurt them. Only they can be honest how their emotions and thoughts affected their problem. Only they can work to understand their actions. Only they can accept accountability in their recovery. Only they can work and learn new skills to help prevent them from relapsing in recovery.

Instant gratification teaches us that problems exist and we can ignore them or deny them until the problems escalate so high that reality is all we all have left to face of the destruction that has happened.So if instant gratification is the problem for most in recovery - what is the solution? Delayed gratification.

Recovery is a delayed gratification process. It means to immediately stop the problem by admitting it exists. It means working toward awareness, learning, and maturing toward a larger goal of healing to focus on that of what will be gained instead of, what was lost. Instant gratification is a false sense of hope created by fast results that are not effective nor long-term.

By admitting our problems that exist within and working to find new ways to view old things; we can truly overcome anything.

DBT and CBT therapy are two methods used for different purposes of teaching self-help techniques to produce delayed gratification.

Most will only recommend use of these therapies if the symptoms fit in the instant gratification box of one size fits all solutions. We are not the same genetics with the same scenarios and experiences to work with. Recovery should never be the same remedies. One tool and skill may not help one person, but it can help another. Instant gratification produces a closed mind. Do not be limited in recovery by one opinion or one option that does not work. Research methods and try many to find one that works for you.

Recovery teaches us that each person is an individual, even if, the program remedies do not always work effectively. This valuable asset of recovery is a gift that starts the healing through individualism. Many times individuality is stolen or taken from a person who seeks recovery. The process of recovery helps  those to find tools and new skills so they can develop their true self.

Individuality is what most do lack that seek recovery help. Why? Because the problems most endure of recovery are usually produced by others through force or common interests to gain instant gratification.

No matter who caused or helped in the process to create the problem - it is still the responsibility of each person to acknowledge their problems and work to solve them to prevent them from happening again.

Delayed gratification is the only way to view and succeed at recovery and to effectively solve any problem that one faces.

Yes - it will hard. Yes - others may never understand. Yes - others may get mad at you or offended by your progression in recovery because they miss the old person you used to be when you were their instant gratifying friend, family, or associate. That's their problem they have to solve. Not yours.

Your life is your problems to solve. Their life is their problems to solve.

Every one deserves to create memories they want to cherish. Every one deserves new memories to counteract the bad memories of mistakes or harm done to them. Every one deserves to start new in their life to overcome the mistakes or problems they have experienced so these problems won't happen again. Recovery is caring more about today and tomorrow than the past that has always happened and cannot be changed. The past can only be accepted and worked through to make today and tomorrow better.

Create a list of problems you thought about or felt in your life. Be honest.
Did these problems occur because of others?
Did these problems occur because of the choices you made and the consequences you created?
Were some of these problems beyond your control?
What have you done to stop the problem?
What have you done to create a solution?
Why do you want a problem/problems to stop?

If you could teach one person about your problems and how you solved it - what would it be?  If you could teach one person what you learning in recovery - what would it be? 

Recovery is a lifestyle change that affects what we do externally in our actions but also it changes our negative emotions and negative thoughts into positive ones. If recovery is not helping you to learn this, do not give up on your self and forgive them for not knowing or understanding the help you need. Keep seeking. You will find the tools and skills you need.  Recovery is not on time limit - do not treat it as such either.

Consider the invention of a bicycle or automobile when feeling impatient. How many probably laughed at the notion of transportation that was possible with two wheels and four wheels? What did the inventors endure of rejections before they finally got acceptance? Their delayed gratification of never giving up to create what they wanted occurred because of their plans and dedication to that plan. They had already envisioned and focused on the end result even when met with denial. They overcame. We now have transportation because they focused on the bigger picture than the immediate present. We must do this also.

We can't change other people. We can only change self of how we deal with our problems, cope with our problems, and what we feel and think about problems.

Bodies in recovery endure excessive stress overloads that require stopping, understanding, and learning how to do new things in this life to counteract and stop the negative effects and stopping the things that keep hurting us. If others will not teach the elements needed to overcome the problems than it is left up to the individual in recovery - to do it for yourself.

You are worth it to find help for your problems. Many live in an instant gratification life afforded the experiences and opportunities that come from others who do their worrying,controlling, concealing or covering-up of their problems. Denial and enabling of problems is a bigger issue that our culture faces than any hardship recovery places on a person. Why? Because you are solving your problems. Other are not.

Work with what you have and be content with it. Do what you can. Learn what you can. Grow where you can. Appreciate the skills you have. Never be afraid to seek and learn new skills to help you. Be patient in your recovery.

Do not be offended when others ask you about your recovery. Be honest. You can share with them but be realistic that you can not make them understand. Be aware to know that the ones who do share with that understand; will be grateful and appreciate you for your efforts of recovery.

Appreciate delayed gratification through the math of life.

A child abuse victim spends an average of 18 years in hell until they are an adult. The next 60 years of their life is by the choices they decide and the consequences they create - no one else. Even if recovery takes half of their adult life to do; the investment to learn and mature past traumatic problems will be worth it to live and enjoy life beyond the abuse. Look at the big picture and focus on the years waiting to be lived. The past is only there to learn from and grow from and to never repeat its mistakes again.

A gambler wastes 10 years of life and $1 million on a high stake game never to be won. 10 years of life is gone. Incarceration of 5 years and $1 million restitution are the consequences of the crime committed. The gambler can't change the past. But a gambler can learn new lessons to rebuild a new and better future experience because of the hard lessons experienced so it will never happen again. Mistakes cost money but becomes even more expensive when denial is embraced more than reality of facts and evidence.

In 60 years of delayed gratification living - we can learn the value of relationships,time,money, and our health. We will create plans. We will work more to preventing and solving problems than creating them.

In 60 years of instant gratification living - we are taught the trail of destruction in marriages, partnerships, relationships, families, child neglect, and financial misfortunes. This focus only gives us what we want versus the priorities of what we need to a healthy and balanced life. This unhealthy focus of impulsiveness and immaturity does not increase our maturity and responsibility of our choices and the consequences we produce. Negative is all we have with instant gratification.

Instant gratification and delayed gratification are choices we make that begin with our thoughts and emotions and how we react in life. We don't have to settle for less of a life because we take a momentarily break for recovery. It is through recovery we admit our problems, face our problems, and conquer our problems to ensure our past mistakes or mistakes of others do not repeat and to protect and prevent others from enduring the same fate that can be prevented.

What If - A poem about answers you seek to your questions

~ What If ~

c. m. cox

Instead of feeling angry when others will not do for you right this second,

Think - What If?

What if patience is trying to teach you something new instead?

What If?

Instead of feeling upset when things do not go your way,

Think - What If?

What if your future is trying to direct you on a new path instead?

What if?

Instead of feeling hurt because something bad happened to you,

Think - What If?

What if pain is trying to guide you in a new way so you will never be hurt like this again?

What If?

Instead of feeling like all is lost in your life when emotions consume you,

Think – What If?

What if emotions are trying to help you build something new instead?

What if?

Instead of feeling like hope has left you,

Think – What If?

What if hope is trying to hug you but you deny the hug of hope instead?

What If?

- Eyes do see in 20/20 but vision for life must focus beyond that.

- Hearts do beat to sustain human life but the heart for life should never skip a beat.

- Ears can hear life but should never fail to listen for the sounds that give new chances in life.

- Noses can sniff the air but should never fail to inhale the positive aromas of life.

- Mouths can taste, swallow, and consume goods for human life but the flavor for life should never sour.

- Touch can feel contact but should never fail to sense the warm productions of: vision, scents, sounds, flavors, and the individual souls of life including self.

Why not give thought to What If? What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?

What If peace does live in the What Ifs? Just Think ---- What If?

Introductions

Introductions can be the hardest challenge that any person will ever endure in life. Whether it be a face-to-face meeting or new acquaintance, boss or even some one you met you online but have never met in person but are getting ready too.

A Person I Used to Know never feared introductions from meeting new people. The opportunity to meet new people was always a welcome one into her life. I do not know if was because they were that bold or had the tenacity to call every one a potential friend. But I guess she really figured that until she was proven wrong she had nothing to lose anyways and maybe some one else to gain in her life instead. She never feared any one she met nor would she disregard any one based upon the opinions of others either. For she always figured that she had been hurt the most in her life by those closest to her whom swore they loved her and never hurt her but they did on traumatic levels. With the fear of surviving her trauma she figured strangers would surely be nicer to her than what she had already survived anyways. She did not have anything else to lose in any giving any person a fair chance.

This person was me and still is to this day. I smile when I meet strangers in public. I can strike up a conversation with anyone.

I am the vehicle that stops at a red light and allows those in a parking lot trying to get out to get into the center turning lane because they are going opposite their line of travel. While those behind me look at me with a mean face in my rear view mirror like one vehicle and a stop light would go any faster anyways.

If I am in a store and have a buggy full or dozen so of items; I'll let the person behind me go in front of me that has fewer items than I do.

You would think that people have forgotten how to be humane to one another. My opinion from my experience honestly is that most never learned how too nor matured up to produce the humanity they want the world to be.

Even if I can only do one act of kindness with a smiling face of an action to ease some one's day when I am out and about; I do it. It is not an option to me.

Time is not that much in hurry for me and even when it was; I'd rather arrive late and be alive safely on arrival than to hurry and die or kill some one innocent who is trying to get through their day as I am.

I feel it is time now for all my readers to officially be introduced to me. For many reasons, I kept this blog anonymous. Mostly for my own piece of mind because words can not be really held accountable to you if they are given in secrecy, right? Wrong.

For everything we post, send, and electronically share online whether it by blog, text, email, social networking or anything we browse online we have one thing that follows us that tells dozens where we are. Yes, you are tracked and traced online even when you delete your cookies. If they need to find you, they will. Whether it be for honest finding or a criminal's attempt to steal identity; you are traceable as I am.

All electronic devices have an IP address or similar code stamped to where it came from. That IP address on even mobile devices can locate to where you printed or sent something from. I would say every content go through a dozen eyes at least to reach its destination and maybe even more them that depending on what you send and share online.

Most businesses and social sites and even blogs, do everything they can to cater to all clients account settings by their wishes and account management, but even then; it is not fool proof.

So with this said; just be careful. The biggest way I can introduce myself to you is in a YouTube video.

Besides my hobbies of learning, writing, sewing,sharing and making fun with my time with these hobbies I enjoy; I also play an acoustic guitar. This guitar and I have been progressing for a few years now. We still have a long way to go to ever achieving that goal I want of making tolerable sound with musical perfection.

I am not talking profits of any kind. Merely matching my vocals to the pitch of the chords and notes I am playing and being able to play music in time.

In having Bipolar, I disregarded it for many years. I accepted only what I wanted to hear of these symptoms and nothing that catered to self-management, self-learning, self-help and even constructive medical advice for a long time.

I finally gave in a few years ago to learning about Bipolar. To really dissecting the symptoms that applied to my medical condition and how severe my hypo mania was at times that created such horrible sleep deprivation in my life and made me a workaholic and a manic in many ways. Over extending myself where I should not have been and not taking care of myself like I could have.

I found that my symptoms had immature overtones to them. Impulsiveness - Fast speech ( like a little kid who was dying to be heard) - Racing thoughts of all kinds of ideas that I would never be able to materialize and an extreme obsession to people and things. There are many more but I think you catch the drift of it.

But with DBT therapy, I have learned to control my internal and slow a long way down. This has even impacted my guitar playing and learning because I do not always sound like a hamster on a wheel anymore.

Though still not perfect, it has helped my Bipolar too. It has helped me to slow down in my singing. To feel the annunciations of words in my throat long before they come out of my mouth. Muscle memory is what singers who do it for profit would call it.

But for me, it is becoming one with something that it is teaching me something about myself more than any other creative instrument I have ever used could teach me to gain from it including helping me with my medical conditions.

I will continue to blog as time and health allows. But I felt it was time to share the introductions of myself.

For I have shared many deep, crazy and sometimes, even insane notions in my blog but that is what makes blogging so much fun. To have a written release that feels good when exercising the fingers on the keyboard as well as a personal mind massage. I have an outlet to share my experiences that could potentially be used to help another enduring difficulties in their life too.

Believe you me, there have been thousands through the years of many different topics, formats, books, and media content that I have shared personally and professionally.

I share my YouTube channel with you of one of my favorite country classic songs. I have many. But there was always something about this song, Help Me Hold On, by Travis Tritt that I always felt needed a woman's perspective.

For we females are a stronger, devoted, loyal, and stuck on glue kind of species to our goals, families, friends, and offspring more than the male gender could ever really know. But even we, as super females, do get tired, weak, and need something or some one to help us to hold on too.

I was barely a prepubescent when this song came out. But even as a pre-teen enduring the trauma of my life back then; I knew that to be a female adult and responsible mother and good human being that I would have to some how find that something I would need always to do that.

This song always got me through and still does. For sometimes, actually many times, solo is all a person has to depend on to keep picking one's self up. Others will try but no one can have the strength to give you what you need but you to make life as you wish.

The facts of introductions are as follows:

- The act or process of introducing or the state of being introduced.

- A means, such as a personal letter, of presenting one person to another.

-  Something recently introduced; an innovation

 

- Something spoken, written, or otherwise presented in beginning or introducing something, especially:

a. A preface, as to a book.

b. Music A short preliminary passage in a larger movement or work.

 

From now on when you fear introductions or have butterflies in your stomach, do not. The person you feel apprehension toward probably has the same feelings meeting you as you do them. Some really do just hide it better.

So if you would like to know me - Cynthia Cox, the West Virginia blogger, writer, seamstress, guitar player, music learner, karaoke addict, poet, advocate, public speaker and a lady who has more medical issues in her one life than most will experience in their entire family then I recommend my personal YouTube channel and my song that always works for me: Help Me Hold On; acoustic cover at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahRtMjyHk6w&list=UUeGZcllUynxwIVdoSI13v0A&feature=share&index=6

Thank you for making time to let me introduce myself. May you write an email one day to share your introduction with me also :) May you never be afraid to say hello to a stranger again and the butterflies never make you sick at your stomach from meeting some one new, ever again too!

Liberating Blunt

What is liberating blunt? Is it the legalization of marijuana? Is it the freeing of emotions, finances, or lifestyle? Could it really only be in having the bluntness to be bold to tell someone the truth of how you feel even if it may hurt them or their response hurts you? How can pain be liberating and good for you or any one else?

Liberating Blunt is a statement I thought of for today’s blog content. In my experiences through the years, individuals I have known have dodged the truth or would not even talk about telling the truth to some one they know or knew to keep from hurting them.

When in reality, it was by not telling the truth or talking about the difficult topics that created and prolonged the hurt even worse than being blunt to create liberation from pain and not enabling pain in silence.

Legalizing marijuana to liberate the blunt is not what this topic is about.

So to Mary Jane toasters I do apologize but this content of topic goes a little deeper than the sweet inhale of something so relaxing yet quite illegal in most 50 states of America. So if you choose to tote, do it within misdemeanor limits and get involved in your state to make legalization happen.

Now for the rest of you that stick around of learning how to give liberating blunt in your life; let’s look at few of the literal facts from a dictionary about the words: liberate and blunt.

Liberate – set (someone) free from a situation esp. imprisonment or slavery, in which liberty is severely restricted.

Free, release, let out, let go, set/let loose, save, rescue

Blunt – uncompromisingly forthright.

Straight forward, frank, plain-spoken, candid, direct, forthright, unequivocal

Both of these words can be used as actions together. To be blunt with someone you must consider what will happen if you tell them the truth. Could it be a liberating experience for them? Could it possibly help them? Could it benefit you and them? Could it be a positive sharing experience for both of you if you share the truth or blunt thing you need to tell them?

Once you weigh out on paper or in your mind of the positive and negative that could come from the blunting truth you wish to tell or what is asked of you – then decide to move forward with the liberating action you need too.

But only after you have made an educated choice to tell or not to tell the blunt of what you feel or what has been asked to tell.

Blunt and being truthful always takes more courage to do than simply lying or dodging the facts. Respect can never be given nor received completely when all facts are not shared in any situation that occurs in life.

When you have one person in a two person relationship whether they are family or friend, blunt and truth is all you have when it comes down to the value you give and receive in any relationship. Without respect to be blunt and truthful, it’s just a game and has no real value to either involved.  

If you can not be honest and blunt, especially when asked a specific question; then liberation to grow and increase the value of the relationship will never happen.

Respect is the most valuable asset that we could give and extend to each other in any human contact. Even if we disagree, respect can still be achieved by being honest.

Be honest about a person if you do not like them and why to them personally.

Be honest with a person why you have changed or you feel they have changed that affects your relationship with them. Be honest to yourself of what you value in your daily life and why you enjoy the company of another.

Being blunt will always be more liberating to every individual and the company they keep then dodging the hard stuff.

If history of evolution had been built by individuals who dodged the truth and failed to share their truths they witnessed with slavery, racial matters, gender issues, and human hostage, and abuses of these natures of all kind; we would have never received and achieved the freedom of liberation we do have today especially here in America. We still have a long way to go mind you; but it could always be worse without the contributions of the blunt speakers who stood up to create liberation that could have never came any other way than their ability to just be blunt.

For the pain of their words to the few it caused discord with produced a greater benefit to society by their liberating efforts to be bold and blunt. Had they never achieved this; you would not be reading my own freedom of speech either.

It is almost ironic that the truth that you try to reserve and hide will eventually come out in the end anyways. Especially, if this truth is about those who are the closest to us or those we feel like we know the best.

A confirmation or an affirmation is what we seek by being blunt, so we can keep the respect we have with someone by asking them what we feel to be true in our heart.

We fear more not knowing the answers we seek in them than to asking what we need to know. It is still better to ask than to keep going in life with them as a lie or an emotional anchor we reserve about them. If only we would ask then we may get the liberating release of pain we self-assume within. The pain stops not grows.

Human conflicts and unresolved issues occur every day. As we age or mature, we build walls or shelter around our self depending on what we have been through. Any survivor or victim of life is notorious for doing this.

If you have experienced the detrimental unpleasant or criminal violations then this maybe the only way to protect yourself from further emotional, psychological or sexual harm.  

But a Person I Used to Know was very good at doing this to protect her self. It may have been a wall built from a survivor or to prevent hurt or permanent goodbyes. But people became as a fishing line game to her.

This person did this to many others. A very unhealthy approach to others and self because of the lack of mature entities this person did lack in their life by examples and through harsh experiences. It was easy to reel people in for her own benefit and cast them back out when purpose was served than being loyal to her self or anyone. She felt it would decrease her pain or from getting hurt when she began to realize that this was disrespectful to them and her self too.

She would pull people closer to her when she needed someone. Then she would invent a positive and negative list that would cast them off at a distance again. It was easier to focus on their negatives that to embrace their positives. She could always take an angel and turn them into a devil.

She would do this vicious imbalanced game of reeling them in and casting them far from her because she did not need anyone to see or feel her despair and unresolved issues or conflicts in her life.

For she could handle being strong and fronting as fun but if she ever let them in close enough to see her weaknesses then couldn’t handle that they may disregard her permanently first.

So she would reel and cast at her choice. Force her self to see their negatives versus their positive and cast them off before they could her. It was her defense mechanism that was not fair to her or to those who really did care about her and those she really cared about too.

This person was me. I fight every day not to be like that anymore. This behavior is not balanced. This view was not mature and it is not respectful to myself nor to any one else in my life.

It is so easy to get caught up in the fairy tales we make about people in our minds and emotions about them. For we cast off more people like this than we respectfully give them a chance to be active in the here and now of our lives. No one deserves our inattentiveness to focus on the daily and to keep pushing them away; especially if they done nothing wrong.

But many do focus more on the illusions of what-will-never-be or what-might-have-been. We only fail ourselves to enjoy our lives in the right-here and right-now in the moment and those who do share our company with us here in the moment.

Life is complicated and complex. People are stresses but deserve to be treated as a human being just as we do. They will only become a thorn or a rose by how we perceive them from what we first peer at them from within.

I do not want any one to be a thorn in my life. I commit every day to try to never be a thorn in some one’s life either. For life is too short to play in the weeds of others who we know elude the blunt or truthful.

For if there is no respect to give truth equally then these people are no good for us and we are not good for them. No one should play in the thorns unless you like getting pricked and giving pricks instead of being real. But some people do thrive on the weeds more than naught.

Unless you can find a tolerable and respectful blunt liberation with another who agrees with you to discard the thorns you maybe in each other’s side; then you can never smell the roses together again. It just won’t work.

Sometimes, the best solution is to walk away. To appreciate the garden of roses you once grew together and admired of the same focus is the only way to go. Try and not be grief filled to bid sweet sorrow to the experiences gone. Because it happened and you were lucky to share it but as you learn to move forward realize the value you gained from it.

To cherish the roses that have grown when life was good and to walk away from them when the thorns take over is still better to do than to keep playing and creating more thorns that overshadow the roses anyways.

Life with people will never be a perfect science or a perfect art that mimic lives. Emotions, feelings, psychological changes and hormone changes all will play a key factor in every life out there. For all will keep changing, evolving and it does take a mature forward progression to stop the deep regression of backward living.

Be maturely smart and brave enough to always be blunt.

For even if others do not get your need to ask or respect your bluntness in return; it will not matter. For you owe life to yourself to keep growing your own roses just as they are in control over their own thorns or roses. Not every one wants a rose garden and not every one appreciates one when it comes along.

Even in the immature and mature ways of my life that have taught me many valuable experiences; I know when to keep trying to walk closer and when to walk away from someone. I always have.

But for every one person that criminally gives me a reason to walk; there are many more who do walk in my life who treat me as I should be treated and I maturely learn to extend the same respectful courtesy to them.

Now I am able to realize the errors of my own ways and appreciate the here and now of what is in front of me.

The past is only made up of two things. The shadows that we can never escape but can only learn to grow into light to produce the beautiful roses we want them to be. The future will be created by these same shadows or beautiful roses that we cater to grow in the here and now of the present. Never waste so much time on a shadow that you fail to see the potential of beautiful roses in your self and those around you.

Respect is all we have in our self to find. Respect is all we have to extend in courtesy to another. To deny respect is to produce only thorns and shadows and every one deserves more than that.

How to Become a Core Character

A Person I Used to Know learned early on in life as a child that you had to become a character to please those in reality just so you could be accepted by anyone. The circumstances of her life would only give her acceptance and love from others  if she played their character role of game playing. She could only be as they wanted or needed to be accepted. She could only be accepted by them if she was what they believed her to be.

So she became the t submissive person of silence. She became only as a bold person to accomplish her goals that she wanted for herself to escape this vicious character role playing games they did. She became a verbal whisperer to not disturb the thoughts of those who witnessed her actions or cause them discourse as they produced in her. She would be exactly as they thought and verbally stated her to be. She would be their character shaped as they designed and taught her to be of how a a daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and friend should be to keep their schemes and lifestyles alive.

But at the core of her self, with all these characters she was forced to play as a child – it demented her own identity for a very long time. For as she grew and matured into a woman fueled by her own estrogen she wanted to find her own individual voice, her own fashion style, her own presence in the world that she deserved to live too. She found herself more and more alone from others. For her character roles as a child to be as they wanted deprived her to find herself. To fail in trusting others. To fail in opening up her core character of who she felt like she should and could be. As time went on this game court of character role playing; she found her self confused.

One day, she would be on the opposing team. The next day, she would be on the defense to back up those who hurt her the most. This internal character assignation of hell that she was doing to her self was not benefiting her nor anyone else in her life that knew her personally. A Miss Jekyll and Miss Hyde she was becoming.

This person used to me. It took me a very long time to stand upon who I wanted to be as the core character I wanted to be in life. To define the cast offs I had to do from my life that was poisoning by others correction of my character flaws that traveled off their paths for me. To stand up and find my own two feet moving forward in the direction of the core of my character of who I wanted and needed to be for myself.

The core of character is something that is within each of us. This core is who we feel and cling the closest to in our self. The smiles that make life joyful to us. The laughter that gives our lungs new air to breath on stale air that every day routines can produce. The enlightenment we feel in common company of those who share our same core character traits. This is the real person we should be and need to pursue to be.

It takes one almost half their life; if they are lucky to find this awakening. For many others, they do not find their core character until they have advanced in age and feel no hope to gain what they let their self down. There is no room for regrets in the time we have to spend to live our lives. For each second that ticks, that is one moment closer to death. We should never take time for granted nor how we choose to spend it.

Especially when it comes to our core character of who we are when no one is around except the silence of our thoughts to entertain our self.

I have spent a lot of my life in catering to be the character that another needed, wanted and to be accepted to belong in this world. Just to have people in my life who I knew that I could ask help from without any hidden motives or painful repercussions because of their place in my life.

For me to choose to live, I had to leave behind a family that left me feeling as an orphan to find and grow my core character of self. Because I could never be their character and mine own too.

Life is not like a fairy tale that leaves many with happy endings. For most, it is the exact opposite. Realities spent in time obligations, people obligations, responsibilities, and maturity spent on the daily that there is hardly any fun, entertainment or character youthfulness to be enjoyed in self. It’s sad.

For we become the fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and friends we need to be to all of these people but at the end of those seconds on the time lines of our lives; we realize that the only character we never sacrificed enough for was our self. Only real maturity can give balance to sacrifices to others and creating or making that time for one’s own self joys too. If we spend our seconds doing and pleasing for others constantly, our minds suffer. Our bodies suffer. Our health deteriorates. Our sex dries up too. Our dreams never materialize because they were replaced with reality for others.

The core character of who we are is what makes our thoughts dance and become entertained in a song or a movie or a book that we can not put down. The good stuff that we feel when we are totally alone that forces us to smile, laugh, cry happy tears and to feel and appreciate the respect we have for our individual to want to live and make it freaking happen! That core character is in each of us. We can not find it nor ever really mature to grow it if we spend too much time on the catering of others and forcing ourselves to belong to them.

We can not belong or be accepted by anyone when we deprive the oxygen from our souls that help stabilize, mentor and grow our own core character. It is so much easier to read, watch, or listen to the fantasies of another or become envy filled at the life of greener grass on the other side of the fence than it is to hold focus on to our self to become that character we need to be for our self.

Yes, life is wonderful when finding the company of others that make a house feel like a home or a family feel like friends or people are a pleasure more than a problem. But at the same time, if you erased the world you know away from you – Would you still be happy? Could you produce your own contentment? Would you be familiar and comfortable with the only reflection you see in your self?

I know this is very deep. But with out having depth perception in one’s self as much as you extend to others emotional, medical, financial or life needs; you are as hypocritical as the rest of them. 

For without touching your own heart beat and knowing what makes it pumps blood every day; then you will never be able to increase or decrease the blood flow of life to give to the heart of another. 

So think about core character of self. Ponder all I have written and shared. For to know your heart to know is your beginning story of the core character of who you are. 

Touch it. Embrace it. Love it. Feel it. Produce its desires. Give it the needs it wants. Then go out and proclaim the character core you found yourself to be. 

If you do not, you will only become the role or character that someone else wants you to be. Why settle for being their character or role playing for others when you can stand up and show them how to be real in life and a person of truth that is always stranger than fiction. 

A legacy does not get produced by the actions given in life but it is created and lives on when individuals find their own personal character and become who they feel they should be; not how any one else ever tells them.

Nothing to it ~ but to do it

I do enjoy the oldest of sayings that have carried with me through the generations as my favorite to call upon daily. The present value I have in these simple sayings or clichés are as important to me as my favorite song lyrics or soundtracks of my favorite movi

Actions speak louder than words is another of my favorite motivating quotes I remind myself to use so I can do the things I need to do and to keep working on the things I want that challenge myself in the hobbies I enjoy.

Writing, words, and imagination to story developments and poetry plots has always gave me my most comforting moments in my struggling life and fulfilled the happiest of my times even more.

A Person I Used to Know was completely hostage to the ideas, thoughts, creativities, and imagination processes and productions of her family. If they rejected her as something was bad or negative or morally wrong; she would not do it.

If she heard their voices of opinions about others who entertained the notions of silence that she kept within her own passions and hobbies of creations about life; she would not do it. No matter how much happiness she was depriving herself of; it mattered to her to have their acceptance.

As this young gal grew into her own woman, she realized that their acceptance was what she needed in her life. She only needed to accept herself and the rest of life would happen. Her happiness of acceptance was more important to her than what any one else thought anyways became her mature conclusion.

She felt the power of strength she gained in her own written words. She witnessed the many tears of her public readings in sharing her writings with others who could relate to her struggles of surviving and searching to live her life.

Why would she not open her self up to the possibility that her writing could be used for so much more to help others entertain others and even enlighten her self in the fun vocabulary game of word play and rambling that she loved to do in her spare time.

This person was and is still me. I made a conscious choice and effort yesterday to embark on a new writing challenge to myself. To open a new door of opportunity for myself that only I can create and produce to share.

This prelude to a new blog invention is one of adult content romantic themes. In using a short story format; I wanted to know what it would feel like to write something that I once only imagined. I wanted to give a life to this hidden anchor of hobby ideas within me that would never go away from me daily. So I did it. It felt great too!

Hopelessly Short & Sweet was born yesterday at the following web address: http://hopelesslyshortandsweet.blogspot.com/ .

In being serious about the facts of life and the circumstances that people face every day in their health issues, marital or partner issues or even in financial matters beyond one’s own control; life is stressfully hard.

For many, we neglect ourselves of doing daily what makes us happier, healthier and finding a solo fun that allows us to feel refreshed, For many it is going no further than a book, movie, song, or television. An entertainment to self by self.

For me, I have always fancied in the idea of imagination creations about hopeless romantic love stories with tasteful plots and sexual rises and lows.

The fantasy of reality in even the best of couple love stories still have things left unsaid or undone. So I wish to create that unspoken or uncompleted role that reality lacks for most of us.

I feel the silence that lives in each of us is where our happiest and healthiest is waiting for each to open, cater to, and allow flourishing and growing of, including myself.

For me, it has always been in these types of romance novels that I found and filled my own voids.

The feedback I have received from sharing the one blog post yesterday is everything motivational, inspirational, and encouragement that I could hope to feel from sharing my latest writing efforts.

For love is so much than sex. Sex is so much more than love. To feel that self fulfillment from any entertainment source we can put our hands on is nice.

I just feel like I need to try to release this imagination from me. To not be fearful. To not be reserved. To not feel constraint by my own moral or lawful beliefs to provide a new sense of mindful entertainment that even the most of conservative can relate and the liberal could appreciate.

Imagination is the strongest characteristic trait I have ever clung to in my life. For it was through my imagination that I have accomplished the unbelievable of rewards I have emotionally received and shared with others.

There is nothing to it but to do it. I have done it. I am going to do it. I look forward to the daily plotting, daily assembly and daily goal to produce one short story on this Short & Sweet new blog.

I will keep this one updated for now as I feel compelled to write. For sharing enlightening tips to make one’s life easier whether in medical discomfort or just a plain hard knock life; is still valuable to me.

But taking my own mental break from the seriousness to escape into a fantasy world of my releasing creations feels pretty good to me too.

When a person fails to believe in their self and act upon that belief that stirs within their conscience; they are literally missing out on the potentially best thing that could ever happen for them in their life. I do not want to do that to myself and I hope no else will.

Dreams are something we tend to forget in our busy lives. It is easier to pick up the entertaining dream of another who just tried it and did it - then it is to please one’s own self in what they want or secretly wish they could do too.

I want to be a giver to that type of entertainment. My success at this mission will be like every thing else I do. I only grade my success by the reader tally or viewers to a website pages site statistics. Occasionally, I will get a feedback of a reader or viewer that makes contact. But even then, I go only on video and print good graces. For to share even with one person that makes a difference to increase their quality of life; is enough reward for me.

For the last decade that I have been sharing all my creativity online; I have no regrets. I feel successful. I feel happy and healthier than I have ever been.

For being true to one’s self; takes nothing but self approval. The rest is icing on a cake for the rest to feast graciously upon or to merely disregard. I respect myself enough to share and try. For me personally, failure is not a fear I have. For I sense that failure can never find me nor keep up as long as I keep moving forward in doing what I love and do enjoy.

The R rated content that I am now doing is a work in progress, like me. I am enjoying it. The content will not be for all readers but for those that enjoy this genre; I am sure it will be an experience of entertainment that they will not forget either. Happy entertaining yourself. Thank you for the daily number counts of my readers that let me know that my blogs do make a difference!

The Darkness in Silence

A Person I Used to Know was determined to be a better person in life. To scream louder of the wrong doings
witnessed around her. To call out the injustices she survived. To make the guilty pay in life that had
hurt or wronged her. To cast out a Beware sign every where she went so that no one else would ever face
the damaging reality of poor choices and injustices she had felt from the hands of criminals that hurt her.And to
give a face and voice to help others so they know that they can do it too!

She swore until her last dying breathe that she would make a path for her self even if she traveled alone.
That she would always follow the sun to leave her shadows behind her even when the light at times was so
blinding that she could not see clearly in what direction she should go. That she would be her own best
friend. She would be her own source of comfort, strength, happiness, courage, bravery and unconditional love.
Even if the doctors or those closest to her would give up on her; she'd never give up on herself.

This girl is now an adult lady. That girl was me and the adult lady is now me. In all the positive attributes that make childhood
worth living and recalling upon; my picture album isn't as bright. It wasn't as positive or reassuring as it should have
been. For the negativity I experienced only left me one choice in my life and that was to embrace the positive.

For years, I boldly declared the positive hope, beautiful, bright, and all that makes life good and beautiful. I saw
and see in others what most would never take a second glance to realize about them. Their darknesses, their shadows,
their light and their sunshine.

But the one person I could never stare back in the mirror of all the positive and negative was myself. FOr if I admitted
I had darkness and shadows in my own self then I would have to admit that I was no one no more special than the next person.

Sure my experiences taught me alot more than what any one person should have to endure, especially as a child. But
the thing is, life throws a different learning curve to each of us. It is never a pissing contest to see whose streams
of woes get carried farther or produce greater lengths of what one had to over come.

Do not get me wrong. It's wonderful when you pick your boot straps up repeatedly to stand up for yourself. Those
experiences one feels personally and individually grand and self rewarding when they do. But what is truly left after each
stand you take? What do you do that ensures you will never fall again? What makes that standing up so strong that you
like that feeling more of keep getting up than you do appreciating the value in your legs to hold you up strong permanently.

It's not the ability to fall down and keep getting up that moves you in life. It's when you take that final stand to who
or what you want to be that prevents all these other falls that matters.

In relationships, family with children and in jobs, occupations,and every activity person gets into; it does two things.
One is to create a choice of fall down. The other is standing back up from that fall or to stand up. To stop the fall
to begin with or learning how to the same repeated falls.

I have darkness of shadows that most would never imagine. Depending on the qualifications of experiences a person has that
know me personally or medically; they each will draw their own conclusion, stigmas or labels about me. I respect their
opinion of input from their experiences about me; as I hope they do mine for having lived it.

I want to break away from this writing that only gives advices, facts, and suggestions to help others to be motivated,
inspired and to move others from a victim frame of mind to beyond that of a survivor to really living with only activities
and a life that makes one happy. Not wasting another second day on the old of the past but living for only here and now.

But since I struggle with these things daily myself to break my own final chains; I can not stop this blog just yet to
travel on my own unchartered waters of writing.

When a person likes to write or is an author or poet; they open their self up to immediate comments, opinions, and
rejections. It is a take and give all situation. For what may kind of hobby, survival technique or profression; is open
season of feedback. Comes with the terriority of creating.

But to use darkness of silence that churns in one's own mind that either elaborates a wonderful gift of imagination or
the shrewd darkness; it is giving away a piece one of one's own soul that only the strong can really do to captivate others
into their creations.

Musicians are noterious for creating lyrics and songs that literally allow them to release their darkness, shadows,
light, positive, and negatives. Many profressionals of the trade end up selling their soul out for the profits instead
of using it for their own self gain of joy they get from sharing their creativity anyways.

For many more, it is very hard to open up that safe of their darkness of silence that one holds within.

The hobbies and love I have for life can only be detailed in words for me. As I venture more into learning music and
how to assemble this on an acoustic guitar; I know that I could live a lifetime and never put into music what I want to say.

But in writing in general using many styles, I can release some of my own silence. But it's not about having a writer's block
that prevents me from the real joys I want to venture on in writing; it's sheer cowardness.

It's the blunt rejection. It's the fact that I will know that I will have more work to do and lots more to learn to
ever craft what I want to say that tickles the fancy of a reader or to take them on a trip from their daily life upon
the pages that I create.

To give a reader that life that they can only dream about or to produce that plot that will leave people talking
ages after it has peaked in its two second of social acceptance is my silence of darkness greatest wish to leave
behind in my print ventures.

Entertainment takes on many life forms that are birthed of fiction from the depths of one soul's imagination. A fearless
people who literally believe in their self when the doors close as fast in their face as that only one door of opportunity
opens for them.

I want that strength in me. FOr each day I do blog of various content, I am gaining my one day closer to get there.
I do not want to do it for anyone else but for myself. To challenge myself to write that one book that is not fact. Not about
truth but of a fictional content that will leave a reader's mouth thirsty and quenching to be filled more of the
words I write and share.

The Darkness of Silence that we hold within is the key to who we really are. Those silent thoughts or ideas that
dance in our minds that allow us to smile, breathe or cry when we are alone. Those desires that make us feel alive
in the silence of our conscience. Those silent secrets of our wishes that we do not share but play secretly with every day.

To each their own abilities, motivations, skills and releasing that inner darkness of silence that you hide so very well.
May you find what you need, as I will, to unleash the passion, compassion, and soul fuel you have to become as you wish.
Life is learning. If you must learn and challenge your self every day, make it count in materializng the darkness of
your silence. Going to start doing that for myself too!

No Topic Should Be off Limit in Love

Personally, I feel if you say or use the words, "I Love You," then you should never be limited on topics to talk about.

No matter how embarrassing, potentially hurtful or even extremely private they maybe - open conversation is the only effective way to ensure that your relationships with those you love will always be an open engaging and inviting
friendship that never wearies with problems nor will problems escalate quicker than the words or emotions can be found to solve them.

If you talk about the topics that are easy all the time then you miss out on the best that is waiting for a person.
Especially when they conceal from you what they wish to say. But yet, they will talk to someone else who will listen to them, validate them, respect them, and even encourage them.

There are so many layers and levels to relationships with any one that we admire or say we love you too; that each person has their ideas of fantasies versus the reality they live in. It's hard to share your imagination or even your fantasies of dreams with others when no one will talk or speak about the difficult and personal or individual issues or hopes a person
has.

A Person I Used to Know grew up in genetic DNA acquaintance that left her feeling only as a stranger in her identity around these people she called family but yet at the same time, she felt an emotional bond to them that she was devoted to be accepted by them, be approved by them and could not live her life without them in it.

For she knew once she drew that chalk outline of her own identity of who she was and what she would allow or not allow in her life and expressed her self in creativity or verbal conversation; she would be an orphan by her own choice to ask, inquire, discuss and speak out.

This person used to be me with my family members. I do not speak to my mother, father, sister nor brother. Every now and then, when they have a problem they need solved or enlightenment of humor; they will call.

But to feel that same emotional and naive love that I had for them many years ago; I will never have again and this is by my choice.

For their culture of life and acceptance of who they are and stand for is not who I am. But to keep peace, I do allow myself tolerable doses of communication but only if they contact me.

To be respectful. To be encouraging. To never offer resources of my life unless they are willing to change their life or their ways to prevent future problems. I would not expect no less of them in their life that I have not lived and survived in my own actions of my life.

But for many, they spew these three little words of: "I Love You," as if its a game. A role they play and can just accept no responsibility for. A silent action they can give as long as they only keep saying it.

Love and sex are two words that go together in real close and intimate relationships. For each partner of love requires,needs, and desires actions of love from another. These types of intimate love are different than those with family or friends. Even though,at times, those criminal or moral laws do get broken too in the selfishness that sex and love
produce in people to harm others.

But in a truly healthy, growing, encouraging, and unconditionally loving environment; which I think that all people do secretly want fulfilled in their life by a partner to share with; it is few and very far between.

For the complexities of time restraints with jobs, money, children, homes, lifestyle choices, entertainments, and every thing under the sun takes precedence to all relationships but the joys, thrills, entertainment and fun sharing that open conversation where limits are not given can add value to any relationship.

For hopeless romantics, as I am; I do believe that if I think something, about a person then I should be able to tell that person directly. Just as they should be able to do the same with me.

For even in thoughts or emotions; whether right or wrong, they all hold personal and individual value within that should be given and released as well as stay open to allow others to be invited to listening to them as well.

In love, usually it is lust that leads to sex. Whether as a teenager, adult, or an individual who is supposed to be in a committed relationship can travel off from their one partner to be with another - it is merely lust.

Lust of what one sees. Lust of what one hears. Lust of what one says. Lust of how another makes them feel and if it feels this good in conversation then it could only become better by having sex right? Wrong.

Lust is like one second on a time clock of your entire life. That one second of lustful pleasure passes by so fast that in retrospect when reality hits; you will know that it was only one second of lust when in reality; what you were filling
in fun or a lustful love was only taking away from what you had or could have had with another who treated you more than mere lust.

Sex is one of the hardest topics to discuss. For each individual has their own personal definitions of what sex is for them and how or if they share their sex with another.

Sex must be a team effort by two team players. Both as givers. Both as receivers. Both agreeing when their sex life ends.
Both agreeing when their sexual actions will begin. Both to be respected in all aspects of their life from their consequences, choices, circumstances, and how they feel about sex.

Most people do not view sex as healthy for the human body, brain, and organs. For if more did; I am sure we'd have alot
more sex going on for every one and alot more healthier people. But sex releases many beneficial chemical releases in the
body that stimulates the over all health. As one ages, sexual desires do decline to chemical imbalances that
occur naturally with testosterone levels and estrogen levels.

Many couples who survive together through the ages of time will do so because they talk about their sex together or they
speak nothing of it to each other too. Instead, they choose to branch out from their committed partner to find that sexual
void they have in another who will reciprocate their advances to have sex.

Immoral or unlawfully as it may sound and deplorable to others; affairs happen every day by as many females as it does males.

If partners can not talk openly about all of their fears, worries, anxieties, expectations, recommendations, and requests to
their partner closest to them then how can that partner be fulfilled by one person?

Personally, I do think it is impossible in matters where open communication and team player compromise is reached.

Because as many love stories told about couples or marriages in love that have lasted through the ages; time and experiences
of others tells me that the majority of individuals who are married or in long term commitment relationships weigh
out their beneficial positives versus their separation negatives and choose to stay. Even if both partners are in secret
misery or hell or not sexually satisfied.

So which is better? Do you stay with those you say I love you too in your life that you can not talk openly too or do
you allow your self the freedom to live how you choose too by being open and honest and if that doesn't work to help
make you happy then you move on?

Many people view them self as either strict conservatives or liberals. This is speaking in terms of politics but not to be
applied as party affiliations. Stereotyping and labeling these as follows.

Conservatives believe in moral and lawful conduct. To be committed to family, relationships, partners and spouses to
a higher order of self-standards that replicate their strict line of living life in their churches, communities, activities,
and being forth coming what they feel to be right or wrong. There is no maybe, in between or perhaps the giving freedom
that maybe both could be right and all is wrong. Judges. Strict. Stubborn is what I would a die hard conservative.

Liberals are freedom givers and freedom takers. They believe as long as no one is getting hurt nor breaking a law; power
to the people. There is a down fall to this too because if you are too liberal; you may never learn consequences for actions,
even if only a moral standing of hurting others to self reward.

Moderation is key to either of these. For any one to be an effective believer of anything or even a good communicator;
one must be able to be the example of what they speak or be able to lead by actions. Words are useless unless they are
activated.So sharing is the only way. Speaking to be heard. Sharing conversations to listen especially over the difficult
topics.

So in speaking "love", one must try to show love. Watch the person that you say "I Love You" too. What do they do all day?
What are their hobbies? What do they enjoy? Who do they associate with? What makes them smile? What makes them happy?
What makes them laugh? What makes them blush? What makes their facial features light up in excitement? What makes them
squirm with anticipation? What makes them nervous with desire? What makes them humble with approval? What makes them
have happy tears? What makes them have sad tears?

Many times, we take those we say "I Love You" too for granted the most in our lives. We always assume they will be there.
We always assume they will out live us or that just because they are in our lives today that they will be tomorrow too.

That's not always the case as estranged children have been leaving parent's homes for years and never to return. Or
divorce rates and partner separations happen in even the strongest or longest of unions.

Never take conversations, writing a blunt honest letter, or sending a text or email for granted of those you love.Make
time to effectively communicate. Make time to show in actions the words of love and not just say them.

Love is an over used word. But only when it becomes ineffective by lack of actions. Sex is an over used action of love
too. For when sex occurs or fails to occur without both partners consent; one will move on as a general rule or find
alternative methods to fill their desire.

You would not ask the one you love to give up milk because you are lactose intolerant. You may compromise by buying
less of the milk that you both used to share so your needs and their needs would supplement the medical milk change.
But not give up on reaching a solution for you both.

You would not ask the one you love to give up using your brand of toilet paper because they have to have medicated wipes.
You would compromise in smaller portions for each giving way medically that would satisfy and serve purpose for both.
But not give on reaching a solution for both.

You would not ask the one you love to give up watching their favorite television show because you fail to like it. You may
compromise television times of sharing or even watching alone at different times but both would still be happy
by sharing and compromising.

So why would you ask them to give up sexual desires or try not to reach a compromise satisfaction to you both?

The same for happy or sad or other difficult topics of discussions that matter to both of you or affect both of you in any
relationship. You must seek a peaceful compromise, tolerance or middle ground of comfort that works for all involved to keep
those you say you love in your life and to make them happy to be in yours as well.

Communication gets lost so easily in all the electronics we have at our fingertips. We really do say more and have less of
substance at the same time. As we continue to do this, we solve nothing in our lives. We rob our self of the happiness
we could have. Instead we become settled into the life we have instead of living and experiencing the lives we want.

Life is never easy when dealing with other people. No matter how educated we are or what we learn; we still have a long way
to go in understanding how other's feel; what they think; how they believe and acceptance of the choices they make
in their lives when they are different than our own.

But love, lust, and sex are topics that always stay silent in our lives and affect each of us differently. If we can not
talk about these humane elements that bind us all together in a responsible, sensible, open, blunt and honest approach as
mature adults;
then our children will never have a hope in life to understand the healthy and unhealthy elements of the values in these
entities either.

So when you talk, communicate, or verbally share anything; say it like you mean it. Ask a question like your life depends
on it. Do not be afraid of any consequences of that which you speak. For your verbal open maybe the only voice
another person hears that will give them the courage they need to speak and ask for their self in their life too.

Life is too short to take the potential for happiness for granted. If you do not want happiness in your life; then you
will never find it by doing the same old things, over and over again.

Every one deserves to speak and be heard and listened too. Give and take equally especially if you dare say, "I Love You,"
to another.